You Dont Have To Be Great To Start, But You Have To Start To Be Great

"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."

You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. You don't need the fancy tools, but you do need the ability to sit and write the truth. Don't bother debating when it's settled. That's a waste of time. You won't move the debate, the discussion will drag on, and the relationship will break. So get on with your life.

Don't try to change or fix the other person.

I don't know how to fix other people, and even if I did, it wouldn't matter. We aren't in this relationship with the intent of fixing the other person. We're in it for the satisfaction of being able to sit in a conversation, be honest and honestly engaged with another human being. That's the only thing that matters. Your goal is to have them acknowledge your existence, not to keep them trapped in a conversation where you're trying to re-set them to your point of view. They'll resent you, but that's not your problem.

You don't need to get their approval, you don't need to change your stance, you don't need to change the conversation. Just change yourself, let go of your anger and your fear, let go of your feelings of hopelessness, your frustration and your bitterness. I don't know where you've been, but I know that if you find yourself in a relationship where the relationship is dysfunctional, that that relationship will never get better. You have to be willing to change yourself, and the relationship is the least important part of it. You have to get out. You have to take steps to make the relationship have a future. You don't have to pay for the mistakes of the past. You can give your relationship a future.

Create a safe space.

You don't need to give the other person room to vent, change or disagree. Keep things in perspective. You're not going to get an apology, or a solution, or even an acknowledgement that your point was accepted, even if you get all of the terms of your debate wrong. Your goal is to have a conversation where you're getting things straightened out, not to try to make the other person see things your way. Create a safe space. A place where you can freely have a conversation and you can come back to it, or revisit it, at any time. Keep in mind that you're the one who needs to be there. They don't have to engage with you every single day, but they need to engage with you every day. You may need to interact every single day, but that's not the way the relationship works. Keep the conversation in your life as long as it works for you, and make sure that you're willing to respond when the other person responds.

If you want to have a debate, make sure that you're doing it within the context of having a relationship with someone else. That's all you need. You don't need to worry about arguing whether the other person's point is right, you don't need to argue your point, or their point. You don't need to be right or wrong, and you don't need to agree or disagree with the other person to have a meaningful conversation.

If you want to be effective, you need to be with someone else who is effective. If you want to have a meaningful relationship, you need to be with someone who wants a meaningful relationship with you. That's it. That's all you need.

When you want to have a meaningful relationship, you'll find that when you get rid of the hurt, anger and frustration, that the other person begins to listen. Because you're willing to engage with them, they don't feel like you're attacking them. They don't feel like you're being demeaning, even if you are. You won't be frightened off. When you're calm and you have a reasonable dialogue going, your partner will see that you're being reasonable, and they'll see that you are listening to them and that you care. It's a powerful transformation, When you're willing to.