What To Do When You Don't Fit The Mold

I will be the first person to admit my fallibility.

If you won't take my word for it, my wonderful spouse will be happy to enlighten you with more examples of it (Yes, you can laugh, I am!)

Memory, in particular, is something that I have a terrible time with.

I find myself needing to write everything down if I want to come back to it.

Case in point, today I was speaking with someone, and they reminded me of something I said when I had previously gone into "Coach Mode" with them.

For me, I often get into a deep Flow State with my clients, and sometimes say things that deeply impact them which I have no recollection of!

I'm too deep into the Flow State to keep track of the words I say.

This was what they told me I had said to them that positively impacted them:

"If no mold fits, create your own mold."

I couldn't believe I had said that, but I won't argue it either.

This is actually something that hits at a deep core for me.

Growing up, I never felt like I ever fit in anywhere.

It wasn't that I was an outcast though.

Pretty much every group accepted me.

Even groups that were tied together by their race (which I didn't belong to) would for some reason accept me as a part of their group (my high school had a lot of cliches based on race).

Even though I was "accepted", I never really felt like I "fit".

I had friends in different groups, and I participated in events/activities with different groups (like the Lacrosse Group, Cross Country Group, Nerd Group, and IB and AP Groups as examples), yet still always felt like none of the molds were "me".

This trend has continued through most of my life.

In religion, I have always considered myself a Christian but struggled to identify a "type" of Christian.

In school courses, I was interested in many subjects and good at many of them (As Hamilton would say, a Polymath Pain-in-the... Rear), yet none of them ever felt like "me".

I belong/have been in many organizations, like Mensa, Forbes Coaches Council, the Flow Research Collective, NASM, and more.

Yet, I never really felt like I had fully fit ANY of these molds.

For many years, this felt really lonely.

Especially when I was young.

What I discovered over time though was that if I was going to make my way in the world, I would need to create my own molds.

In Martial Arts, I was never the greatest at anything.

I was good, don't get me wrong (I would hope after 25 years now), but always had people that would outshine me in different ways.

Instead of fitting a mold as a "Boxer", "Striker", or "Grappler", I created a new mold.

I became an "Identifier".

I learned to quickly analyze my opponents.

Their strengths I would deny, while I would capitalize on their weaknesses.

I didn't need to be the best at any one thing when I could prevent others from doing what they were the best at.

In Lacrosse, I was one of the smallest people on the field.

I wasn't fast, I wasn't particularly strong, and my shooting was only fine.

I became the "Antifragile, Unpredictable Playmaker".

I got things started, I'd push boundaries, and move in ways people wouldn't expect, and when I got hit I'd get slammed down but would stand right back up like nothing happened.

Earned me the title of "Fiercest Little Man" back in my first year of playing.

I surprised my opponents because they never imagined someone my size would have the audacity to go toe-to-toe with someone a foot taller than myself and 2.5X my weight (literally).

They never thought this stick-of-a-kid would be crazy enough to dive through multiple defenders, knowing they would plaster him into the ground, to take a shot - but I did.

One time, I literally got flipped by a defender, doing an aerial (no-handed cartwheel) before slamming into the ground sideways - but I got the goal and stood right back up as if nothing happened.

My coach and teammates proceeded to watch those 10 seconds on repeat for about 5 minutes during our next video review.

When I started my career as a "Leadership Coach", I knew something wasn't working right.

The mold wasn't right.

So for the past couple years, I created a new mold.

I stopped doing "Leadership Development", and began designing "Legendary Leadership Cultivation".

It has opened up fascinating avenues for me that I never thought possible.

In my life, when I found that there wasn't a mold that fit me, I became happiest when I created my own mold.

If you find a mold that fits you perfectly, and it works for you, then that's amazing!

You found something I never have.

But if you find yourself in a spot like I have all of my life, perhaps it is time for you to create your own mold.