Memories: 10 October 2023

10 October 2023

https://youtu.be/MNpLzEN62ak?si=faVTRp3Z4JWu1S_c

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I went to vote in the referendum (compulsory!) for the Voice for Aboriginal and Torres Strait islanders. The people out the front handing out leaflets, were so rude. The “No” man had his face painted in ‘white face’ which is deeply offensive. I rejected the leaflets saying “I have already decided how I was going to vote”.

One woman asked me if I can spell? I thought I had misheard so I asked “Smell?” She replied “Spell!” I glared at her for a heartbeat then said “I am very articulate in three languages including FuckOffSki” then marched into the building to vote. Honestly who pays these vile annoying dickheads?!

After that irritation, I took a little drive up to Mt Gravatt outlook. It’s so pretty here.

10 October 2022

I just completed this nifty ring holder for my Titania’s Realm display. What do you think? #titaniasrealm #shopdisplay #copperandcypresspine #creativity #happiness #loveisthelaw #brisbane #brisbaneartist

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I was gonna rest today but I can’t. It irked me so much that setting up and packing up was so arduous. (Was it my anxiety or mind set or is there a gentler way?!)

So Mad Mama T of Titania’s Realm is fixing some issues that were really bothering me yesterday. I am individually pricing things. Packaging them in boxes so I can just open them up and scatter them on my table rather that fuss with plastic bags. I hate plastic bags. (Apart from a few necessary ones for carrying stuff.)

Will this improve my marketeering “flow” next month? Or is it just another hassle in a different way? Time will tell. But I am liking having each “style” in their own box. It will make it easier to find and sort the jewellery. Quentin Crisp comes to mind. #titaniasrealm #organisingjewellerystock #methodinmymadness

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Hah!!! 11:11 am. Take that Angels! (love your Works!!!)

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10:42 am Oh my! I woke up just over an hour ago. I am still exhausted. But I jumped out of bed and threw clothes on and made a cup of tea then sat outside with Bobo and Charley. There is a huge stirring restlessness in my solar plexus. Like something HUGE and wildly exciting is about to happen.

I pray it’s something wonderful, magickal and life-enhancing. I whipped myself around the house, running in circles on this raw energy. So much so that I have had to sit down and take a break and eat breakfast and drink tea. To ground myself in my core.

What is going on with me? My anxiety is driving me like a demon! But it’s a good kind of anxiety. Positivity, excitement and hope for a better future. For all of us!

I wonder what beauty I can co-create in the near future? Or whom I might meet? One of my most ardent and determined affirmations in the past few years was that I am surrounded by good kind people who support me in my manifestations, loyal, caring, inspiring, motivating…with harm to none and competition with none. And so it is Done!

Just all of us making our dreams come true, one breath at a time, one day at a time…even when it feels like failure if I didn’t sell anything like yesterday, I witnessed something quite lovely and ennobling. Support! From strangers! Other market sellers!

Yesterday I asked the man in the stall next to me if he could watch my stall while I ran into Aldi to buy milk as I was desperate for a cup of tea (I brought my Thermos but forgot milk).

He said he would, so I literally ran into Aldi, grabbing a few snacks on the way through the first aisle. I stopped to get the milk and looked back at my stall and almost fainted. (Only because the sight was so very unusual!)

The man (whose wife was busy running their stall) was actually sitting on my seat, planted right in front of my table like a Boss! It was delightful and hilarious (although he would not have been conscious of why that surprised me so much!)

I am so accustomed to struggling to achieve things on my own and it was not really necessary for him to sit right in front to guard my jewellery but you know, it was lovely of him to show he cared about my little efforts.

I also watched their stall when they had to go do stuff. So it was lovely to feel protected and supported!

Also the kind couple, Lois and Eric who helped me bring my wares in the morning and hand delivered me, a molten volcano of turgid anxiety and complex ptsd, to my spot!

This is how I know I have angels assisting me to achieve big and small things. I know I am not alone now, and how I know I need to relinquish old trauma fears and allow the kindness of others who always See me in my struggles and are willing and able to share little moments like yesterday, so I can see that the manifestations are landing in perfect alignment.

I am highly successful in my own weird acopic, not always pecuniary, ways. I set my mind to something and I follow through. (Although in love affairs that could be mistaken for stalking or at least persisting against all better judgement…hello Daaaaavvveeee!)

But there are good kind hardworking men in the world who are dear friends to me and that is better than any lover who blows and goes! Just saying!

Love flies to me in myriads of ways and mostly platonic. Why I am not allowed safe healthy partnerships with human men, I have no idea (except after decades of abuse it’s partly my own psyche self-protecting!)

But I am letting go of all that. The right man will show up one day. That was predicted by psychics decades ago. When I am 60 they said!

Well…lol …I am 57 and a half and I have done this life mostly alone and I am not afraid to remain alone for another 30 years. Lol.

….but curious Tanya Berserker Queen Minds want to know….will I have to?

10 October 2021

I arrived home from Maiala at exactly 11:11 pm.

Thank you Angels, and Jarrod and Crystal for such a beautiful afternoon and evening at Mt Glorious!

Crystal had prepared a bbq of lamb chops with various salads, plus fruit salad for dessert. Jarrod cooked the lamb chops. I brought soft drinks and snacks.

The highlight of our evening was we were walking around in the dark and Jarrod almost fell over a man lying in the grass in a black sleeping bag. Almost out of Monty Python the strange man called out “hello!” He was almost invisible in the darkness. We all got a bit of a fright!

After we had our dinner we also lay in the grass and watched the meteor showers. Lots of wishes got made as we saw quite a few shooting stars.

We tried making CE5 contact but Crystal was a bit nervous about us communing with ETS.

But she and I both felt intense heat on our backs, coming off the ground. I told her it meant there were beings around as we both had felt our kundalini energy rising. Very cool.

I had wanted to lie on the spare timber picnic table but I am glad I lay down on the ground instead as we were gifted the sight of the Perseid shower.

A lovely evening indeed. I was quite tired from working on abalone all day so my beautiful friend Jarrod drove me back to West End (to pick up his car!) so he had a much longer drive back to his place.

Thanks Jarrod and Crystal.

Magic happens, Babies. I love you!

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Just arrived at Maiala forest at Mt Glorious. I am looking forward to seeing the fireflies!

I am utterly exhausted after cutting that abalone shell all day. It took over an hour to drive here because of epic bloody roadworks.

I just need to relax now. Wait for Crystal and Jarrod to come back from their hike to the waterfall.

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Cutting up Abalone I had a flashback to early childhood wading through the rock pools at Island Bay, Wellington, NZ. The sun filtering through the water lighting up the many shells and rocks and tiny fishy. Oh and the anemones, gyrating gently under the sea’s gentle caresses. Amazing. I am so grateful for the these memories as I navigate this current Covidian Apocalypse.

10 October 2020

I just fired my lawnmower man. I think I have been patient long enough and his disrespect was escalating. I actually feel quite distressed about it.

He replied that he apologised and it’s okay. Well it’s not fucking okay.

I now have to find a new lawnmower person. Or use my Centrelink advance to buy my own lawnmower so I don’t have to be at the mercy of bastards!

Maybe someone else can do a relatively simple job without sexualising me then trashing my house quite deliberately as that window is small and was only one open!)

Anyway I finally drew a line in the sand. Yayy me!

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Trigger warning: Tanya Rageeee….so lots of hyperbolic expletives as I am earthy and Real. Suicidal ideation as I am cynical and whimsical and Angry and Bitter but ...Authentic! Are you ready?!....hold onto your Wollene Gutkes, Potzes!

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It’s 2.02 am and I am not tired yet. It was a scathingly hot day and even in the middle of this night, it is still hot in my bedroom.

I am lying here hoping to catch a ride to the Astral and collect some wonderful psychedelic dreams:enough to inspire me to stay yoked to this too-often miserable existence but childlike and hopeful enough to Dream a new Beginning and to make my life so joyful and beautiful that no lacklustre motherfucker or feckless cunt can ever drag me down again....

But that is not why I am here. Little burnt out supernova Mama T has a churning Desire. Not even sure for what?

Don’t drey my Kop with nonsensical Pollyanna Bullshit. I have had to put a few old ghosts to bed and they are not friendly. The old horned daemon devils of my family of origin.

My God! It is just astonishing! The lengths they went to and their legions of willing vicious supporters and henchmen. All for money. And Delusions.

They had the arrant chutzpah to demonise me and accuse me of having Bipolar: which if I had had that illness surely I deserved even more kindness and compassion than to be constantly slandered, beaten, bullied, raped, molested, strangled and destroyed. But up she Rises.

I hope there is a God. I really do. (The Tanya used to have perfect faith in the Holy One until the Will Dispute happened. (In a psychotic cosmic twist of Fate my car I inherited after a fight to my own almost Death -is named Ein Sof - which I bemusedly took as proof that my God with His (Her) Immense Primordial Sense of Humour was showing me they are real AND had my back.

But then there were the various sexual assaults in the Brisbane CBD nightlife (two were off duty policemen!) And I began to disbelieve in God. Or not disbelief but look at my relationship with God as more like...disenchantment.

The Spell is Broken. My heart is Broken. My soul is Bespoke and Spoken for but no true lover claimed me or cared about me enough to respect my authority, my autonomy and my beautiful but haggard ragged recalibrated body.

I was deemed worthless. Pointless. Useless. So on it went and on I go. Stumbling and bumbling my way in my dizzy hobbitses Walk.

Sometimes waiting for Godot. Other times not giving a fuck as I always knew I was out of Luck and nothing could be done but to slip third base and carry myself Home.

The green green grass of “home” in the gloating cosmic gloaming that always eludes me. It’s a hologram after all. An illusion. Fuck I knew that for sure, when they made that Orange Rapist Muppet President. Spread Covid across the globe to cull us. Bushfires, floods, plague. What’s next?

I dunno. I just want a cuddle with Someone who truly loves me. Not my seedy creepy disgusting lawnmower man who tells me (Projection !) that I need a shag and a lubrication and to shave my pubes.

I am seething with rage: not so much at his lascivious dirty offers but at the fact after all that ribald Abuse he used his blower machine to blow grass and dust and shit all over my back bedroom.

So on top of being objectified I had to Dust as well. The Cunt!!!! I think I will sack him this time. For realssss.

Anyway, maybe he’s right too. Maybe if I had found one man to love and respect me enough, I too could have been a raging success, been loved by both my children and lived happily ever after, like a contented old Wise Woman, instead of left like carrion for the filthy dogs to gnaw at the last vestiges of my dignity and heart and mind. Blech.

The Tanya needs to go to War again. Smarten up. Cull the false cuntish cunts and Smile through my fucking teeth!

Then Sashay away. Permanently.

(I know...I knowww. I get suicidal ideation when I get too much cumulative abuse from Men.)

By Odin (yes I am calling on the Norse Gods again as guess what? They resonate with my fire, my zest for Life and with my Warrior Goddess energy!)

Gift me the life I always dreamed of if you are going to peg me to this earthly coil for however much longer!

Only You and the gods of Love and Light, Honour, Decency and Truth ever had my back. The rest were vengeful raping salacious Curs.

I know whom I stood before. FFS!!! Temples full of hateful treacherous people criticising my hair and poverty when I would not bow and scrape to them like the rest of the obsequious fellating handmaidens.

Sayonara sweethearts. The best they could do was try to destroy my daughters as well! Then fucked off! Funny that!

Schemers and embezzlers, child abusers and their murderers of women...where are they now?!!! Davening in lip service to the One who Sees all but turns away in horror.

Do you remember when I stood at the Bimah, the holy Torahs radiating love and peace at my back and my co-lay reader smugly told me she is an Atheist?

I just rolled my eyes. Atheists leading Friday night services and mentoring me because....Tradition! Eh?! She was a good woman though. Irish. I love the Irish and their mad but whimsical grip on reality.

Some scammer used her name and sent me a link via email the other day. I did not open it. Ruth Tarlo is probably dead by now. But she fought for me as only a bloody minded Irish woman would! Bless her. She was kind to me. At least she was forthright and told me straight to my face. I like that in a person.

I wonder what I could have done differently. To have had a better life. With loyal partners and my own tribe?’

How long is a piece of string or an epic nocturnal purging rant in the middle of the night?!

Time to schluff, you daemons and angels and a few rare birds and some rather dignified jolly Goodfellows! Or Odd fellows. Only lonely isolated lunatics who don’t know how to behave around The Tanya so blow smoke up my assets or dust into my house.

I must sleep. But on the other hand...I’m reviewing the situation. I’m overlooking my options. I am upgrading my happiness quotient. I am adding to my Value as if I don’t do it..no one else will.

Laila Tov from Odin’s favourite Chosen Berserker Queen!

(Gods I need a drink!)

10 October 2019

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11:11am dentist at 1:20 pm arggghhh

I had a nice young Vietnamese-Australian dentist, very thorough and kind.

Hopefully that will resolve that toothy problem for a while on that back molar. He noticed a filling about to need replacing in the bottom front but that is not urgent yet.

I look forward to less earaches in my left ear. If it keeps happening, then it’s not the tooth.

10 October 2018

I just had to block another survivor -advocate of csa. Her gay-bashing (blaming gay priests for the abhorrent rampant paedophilia in the Catholic Church is unacceptable.)

Most paedophiles are straight men! Often married too.

I will not tolerate anyone using the issue of child abuse as a way of attacking innocent people. Whatever your gender or sexual orientation.

I was molested by straight men! During my childhood, several LBGTIQ people tried to protect me. I respect gay people immensely, because of their decency and bravery towards myself as a child.

Now I do know there are gay paedophiles and that the Catholic Church gave sanctuary and sanctity to their perverted evil deeds, but blaming all gay priests for the actions of the criminally insane, perverted and cruel is just as wicked.

If you hate gay people, get off my page. If you hate women and children, get off my page. If you hate those who fight for the safety of those of us who were brutalised by our society, get off my page.

I don’t care if I have only one Facebook friend left. Or zero! I will not tolerate homophobia/racism/misogyny or advocates for abuse. No matter what “Frock” they hide under or what “Flock” they follow.

I am not afraid to go it alone. Not afraid of who I am and I don’t hate myself enough to curry favour with filthy debauched hateful people. Using their “Survival” to hate on others.

I hate one kind of people only. Abusers! Regardless of religion, social status, race, etc.

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I woke up at 8:30 am with terrible pain in the bones of my right hand. Arthritis. Awful.

Getting old might be a privilege but it hurts mmmk.

Between that and my gall bladder messing with my bowels, I feel wrung out.

10 October 2017

Back hurts, knee hurts, elbow hurts. Heat exhaustive arthritis. I gotta get out of Brisbane. But how? No money/no future. Just dying here slowly in exorable desiccation. Farrrrkkkkk! I know! Stop whinging! I moved here for the warmer climate 29 years ago.

Now I live in a Hell I can't afford to escape! Sweet Moses!

Melbourne is too unpredictable. NZ too cold. Anyway I am stuck! Cold shower time!

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Praying that the much vaunted storm reaches my house at Holland Park and releases lots of relieving juicing electromagnetic ionised rain.

We need it! I need it! Bring it on!

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Hot as Hades but The Beau and I are now at Morningside chasing the food truck deliveries. I am the only customer here so that is unusual but I suspect it will be a long wait.

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The workers have finished the stairs. Replaced two upright supporting beams and painted. Another battle won. Next...

It looks nice and I am satisfied at last. Ate my own two kidneys stressing over this so it's good it is over.

10 October 2016

Gevalt! I am tired. My life has drained almost every morsel of goodness and strength from my life's blood.

But the undeadable Zombie creature rose from her deleterious grave and by the gods of war/love/sex/triumph/Jack Daniels and miscreant curs who endeavour to break her down, did she dance/writhe/stomp/twirl/cavort/and sport?! It was amazing! Wonderful! Joyous!

Who was that woman??? Fucked if I know but the Bitch is back and getting better each day. Love her or hate her but never obsolete her. Hahaha!

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I would like to thank my early childhood abusers. Gisela, David, Angela, Trevor, Cees. For the gifts they bestowed upon me. Material and Spiritual. Without your great love and your even greater contempt for my safety and well being, I would not be the Woman I am today. You failed to completely destroy me. Not for lack of trying but because you were variously weak, inept, acopic and greedy.

Good people were in my life then and now. People who saw what I was suffering and who taught me to nurture and value myself. Mrs Robertson told me that, whenever I came to her home, crying bitter distraught tears from being bullied at school, and not wanting to be in my own childhood home with my other abusive progenitors.

She would hug and kiss me in a bear-like fierce embrace "You have to value yourself, Tanya!" At 7 I did not know what that word Value really meant. I was already bought gold jewellery and nice quality (albeit often secondhand clothing) as an extension of my mother's narcissism I was groomed and primed like a little Courtesan.

I made a phone call to June when I was in my 30's, crying down the phone to the only real "mother" I had ever known in my childhood. After a break up with another psychopathic abuser.

"Tanya", pronounced slowly and gently with the loving patience of one who knew, "Tanya, you really have to place value on yourself. I love you so much." I felt confused. I had enough sense of my own right to exist, my own survival to still be alive, still taking huge leaps of faith by letting people into my life, men who almost always ultimately tried to kill me, or got others to try to.

I love myself. I thought. I am here. I am a good person. I am worthy. But still the onslaughts of fate kept coming. Different faces, same themes. Over and over.

Value myself. Value. A woman of Valour is hard to find for her price is higher than rubies. A Rubenesque little anarchist with delusions of grandeur.

In my wildness a few years back, after the will dispute ended, I got back in my saddle to ride this Bitch of a life into oblivion. I had a brief hiatus as a sexual femme fatale (had to make up for decades of celibacy).

I met a lovely Englishman. A one night stand. Oh, how we laughed. He thought I came from Kent, as he thought I had a Kentish accent. (My best friend at the time Gail, hailed from Kent so I must have absorbed some of her accent as I am very Linguistically chameleonic like that!)

He said "You are a modern Boudiccea!" and laughed. I am? I said. I am. I fucking am. But I don't want to die like her, hemmed in by my own people for carnage by the Romans. No, man.

I told Gail. She said "You should have asked him if you were a Kentish girl or a girl from Kent". A reference to another clever witty audacious woman, who lost her head (literally!) over a man. Anne Boleyn. One of the wives of King Henry 8th. Another heroine that Gail heavily identified with.

Just for today. I am not Anne Boleyn, or Boudiccea or Snow White or a Viking Queen or Satan's handmaiden, or any fictional construct of mortal imagination.

I am me. I value myself. I take up space on this planet, in this universe. I am as insignificant as the stardust in my veins, as the shit that constantly gets purged, as the tiniest bacterial invader that co-creates my corpus, as an atom. Split the atom a certain way and I implode. I am. I. You me and everyone/thing. Belong. Become.

Rubies and shit. Value? Priceless.

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I miss you Mrs June Robertson! My only true Mother during my childhood.

It occurs to me that you might even be my Angel that guides me and if necessary protects me in dangerous times.

Only a big and real and pure Love can do that. Me in all my darkness and moribund despair...was loved by You!

Gods bless you Beautiful Soul, you and Mr Lisis, and Ms Telfer and the kind lady that paid for my bus fare home when I was neglected and abused.

Bless Lyn and Jarrod and Sally and Julie too (even though Julie and I fell out over her disrespecting my gift!) but I have not forgotten she came to my aid when Spirit called upon her to do so.

Bless Margaret who was there for me during our childhood when I lived in Melbourne and the many years of letters we shared across the Tasman.

I was a weird child and not easy to cope with due to my proclivity for fighting or at least fending off bullies and other societal ills.

Pity I could not find the courage to murder my homegrown predators and/or run away across the globe.

Maybe when Covid ends I will run away for real this time. I wonder how far I can get with my disability pension? Lmao.

Megan Phillips: Tanya Arons it occurs to me cuzn, that she is indeed your spirit guide and that each time you write of the others (the depraved ones who earthed you) you inadvertently are empowering them..time to shut the portal down, just thoughts, I'm too far away for you to nudge me. However Mrs Robertson deserves to be honoured as you looked up to her kindness...one of your angels, she sure is.

Me: Absolutely!

10 October 2014

I have had a 2 hour nap. Time to scrub up, show up, dance up and keep up!

Shabbat Shalom! :-)

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I spoke to my former Love Interest. He is happily sorting out his marriage and things are going well for them.

It is good news. I told him I value my friendships over Love affairs anyway. Lovers almost always let me down, horribly.

He says he doesn't mind my silly nonsensical texts. They make him smile. Equally good news! What can I say? I am a Healer. I sent him back to his wife. I am the catalyst for his marriage getting back on track.

I am awesome. Albeit heart-broken but it is for the best. I need a man who adores and chooses me. Not me and some other woman.

I love how he actually talks honestly with me and treats me with kindness.

Pity he will never be mine!

Psy sighs! Great Spirit moved me! The Holy One Blessed Be His Name, that Trickster has my back. Baruch Hashem!

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I am meant to be out tonight. Last night I went out with $20 that Lucy gave me. It was all the money I had.

I was stressing about how I was going to go out this weekend, with no money at all. Then Crystal rang, asked to borrow my car next Tuesday. Offered me $20.

The universe and my circle of Trust, my women friends came through for me again. First Lyn gave me $10 which I used on Wednesday to buy a meal after seeing my psych, then Lucy gave me $20 then another $20 today!

You Girls are all awesome!

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3 am. Home from night out dancing. I was told I looked beautiful tonight! Very pleased and surprised! I had a lovely time. Now home, exhausted but happy.

I am a hungry mama too. I am gonna make food before hitting the hay.

10 October 2013

In the city...stressed. Found out I only have $1.97 on my Go card. Not enough to get home lol. So now sitting and waiting for Commonwealth Bank to organise an overdraft.

Freedom to the People! I actually told homeless person schnorrering money that he might actually have more money than I right now. LMAO. Next stop...homelessness.

Still it's a lovely day. I have had my final booster shot and after this I am going to use my casino membership card to get a free capuccino out of the machine.

(from the comment section):

Me: Lol. Bank gave me a nice cup of tea and a conditionally nice overdraft which I will only use in emergencies like today.

Livin' la Vida Loca and Loving It. Crisis over! I can breathe again. Already loaded my go card for return adventure to Diamond Street where the Diamonds are literally "on the Soles of my Feet". So let's hot shoe shuffle into Oblivion.

Jarrod Nielsen: As long as your go card is in credit, you would have been able to travel on it, it would have deducted the total fare once you topped up...

Me: Yeah but I don't like taking risks and living in the Negative. Having an overdraft is the same problem but will at least Buffer me for days like these. I won't have to beg my daughter and friends for ten dollars and feel like a Schmuck either 🙂 It's enough already that I already Am a Schmuck! Don't need to the constant reminders of that lol.

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PS. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I am so relieved. FML being relieved at getting an overdraft which means slip sliding away into potential debt lmao

Update 10 October 2021: Hmmm 5 years later the bank tore away my overdraft rather spitefully. I laid a formal complaint so they gave me $300. It felt like a surreal game of Monopoly. “Do not Pass go” The Evil Fuckers!

6 years later I required surgery for my gall bladder and I still get pain in my liver.

I am fairly certain those hep b shots were the final straw as no sooner I had them I started having problems with my liver.

I am guessing it was too much load on my body after dealing with antidepressants for 15 years.

I have been free of psych meds now for 5 years and 4 months but the liver damage is still quite evident. Chronic pain in my right side which feels like I have been shot… Nasty!

My stupid pig ignorant doctor accused me of being an alcoholic. I rarely drink these days.

Even when I was drinking on the weekends (in previous years) it was no more than four drinks as I had to drive myself home, so hardly alcoholism.

The Systemic medical abuse that went on was not fucking acceptable!

I hurt my hand badly two weeks ago and didn’t even seek treatment for it as I have zero trust in doctors now. Especially after that awful vet then that awful colonoscopy and all the Covid evil that surrounds us all.

I am a strong powerful determined worthy loving woman and I deserved better. We all do!

I am truly greatly loved, respected, cared for, cherished by a true love partner and by my beautiful friends and remnant family.

I am healthy, happy, abundant and safe!

(Affirmations..people!) 🙂

Had to laugh. It’s all so insane! But this is my reality. Laila Tov Kulam. Tomorrow is another day in Paradise

10 October 2012

I am home proudly wielding my Beginners Course in Archery Certificate of Proficiency. Shoots are on Saturdays from 10-4. I have 4 weeks free membership before I have to pay membership fees.

I doubt I'll be able to do an entire day but I'm looking forward to a few hours each Saturday. It's really fun and I have much much more to learn and to practise before I can declare myself good enough at it. The certificate gives me credit to join any club anywhere in the world as a new Archer. Awesome!

The class teacher told me I had done well for sticking it out, as I was very slow to get the hang of it. I am so proud of myself for not giving up and for keeping on trying.

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The brand new spare room mattress arrived at long last! It's so comfortable and it's so amazing to finally be free of the grubby old mattress I slept on for almost 18 years. Not even worth keeping for the spare bed! Totally refreshed bedrooms ready for my new life and the occasional guests. No more grub from the past!

I am totally loving my new bed as well! I feel so lucky and blessed! New bed, new life and perhaps a new Love Partner now we are free of the smelly baggage Lol!

10 October 2011

I slept until 2 pm, then got up, cranked up LIVE real loud, fed my fish, had toasted sandwiches and chocolate for breakfast and was feeling content in my garden when Gail and Taly arrived. We had several cups of tea then went to Maccas.

Now home again, pondering my existential angst (you know you have problems when even your angst doesn't keep you entertained anymore! Move over Woody Allen!)

Hanging on for better times, plenty of money (if I manifest it without the festy men) and loads more fun, like I've been experiencing. Yippy Yi Yooooooooo!

10 October 2009

Magic Happens. I have seriously been spoilt in the last 24 hours... a lovely meal and lovely company this evening. The universe is sharing her unlimited abundance with me and I am delighting in it. Sigh of happiness!

Update 10 October 2021: ….’unlimited abundance’. Hahahahahaha…. Cast back to earth to live through an actual apocalypse, and more constant struggles.

But I am equipped for this. Lived in poverty for decades, survived my own familial monsters and their henchmen, survived broken cruel sadistic love affairs, survived even my own suicide attempt.

What the actual fuck for? Only to have poorer health outcomes and now living in the Covid epoch as well!

But…I had a few lovely days this week. Happy days in spite of the horror that is permeating our planet like pus!

I am alive only as a kind of Orwellian triumphant Defiance and the capricious whimsical gods send me moments of genuine kindness and bliss.

I enjoyed seeing my neighbours’ children look so happy today. They were delightful! (They had just had Ice cream at Baskin Robbins!)

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons