Writer's Block: an All New Formula

Have you ever had an idea that just gnaws at you, something that just takes up all your headspace for a day? Are you having trouble staying focused at work or keeping up with your local game of sports ball? Do your spouse or kids call for you and you don't hear them because you're fiercely pounding away at a keyboard in the other room? If so, then we have the perfect solution for you! We are introducing the all new and improved formula cream: Writer's Block! (Now approved by the FDA!*)

Writer's Block is made by your friends at Uncertainty Inc. It contains a patented formula of secret ingredients certain to stop the formulation and retention of ideas for between 6 to 12 hours per application. All you need to do is take a little dollop of the patented skin cream and lather it over any exposed areas. You never know where those ideas will get in, so it's best to put on a second layer and ensure you are well protected. Even the most powerful and moving ideas cannot touch you now, thanks to your pal Writer's Block!

Do you find yourself staring off in the distance, imagining far away lands and eccentric mystical creatures? Studies suggest spontaneous fantasy is the leading cause of roadway accidents and road rage instigation.** Not to mention, not everyone has time to ponder the meaning of the cosmos or suppose the nature of morality. If you ever find yourself under the dangerous rays of supposition, Writer's Block has you covered!

We regret that previous versions of Writer's Block were not as reliable, so our new team of chemists, skincare experts, and mildly eccentric shut-ins have ensured that this product contains the following customer requested protections:

A New Condensed Formula: You won't need to feel greasy and gross as our formula now allows you to use less Writer's Block for the same trusted affect.

Smear Resistant: Once Writer's Block is applied, it stays on for the advertised minimum of 6 hours. We at Uncertainty Inc. seek nothing but perfection.

Water Resistant Cream: Writer's Block is now fully ensured to offer you protection from ideas in watery environs. This formula is perfect for inconvenient shower thoughts!

Sweat Resistance: The last thing you want is to be out on a morning jog or weekend hike and have the whistling trees and fresh air giving you ideas. Writer's Block has your back!

SPF 50,000: Ideas shouldn't touch you, neither should the sun!

As you can see, Writer's Block is perfect for the whole family, and everyone could use their own tube.*** Get your tube today for five easy cash payments of $19.99! (We also accept payment in sardines, half-eaten apple cores, and uncooked strands of whole-wheat spaghetti.)

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*Writer's Block is in no way endorsed by the United States Food and Drug Association. This is because this product is fictional.... and made in the same factory as strychnine.

**No studies suggest this whatsoever. Greg in marketing was having a laugh. Greg has been sacked.

***Writer's Block is not recommended for novelists, poets, academics, stand-up philosophers, and federal legislators.

Writer's Block may result in songs getting stuck in your head or wistful staring out windows. Consult your doctor if these symptoms occur.

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Thank you for reading my first submission to the Humor community. If you enjoyed this dive into my twisted sense of humor, give a like and a subscribe and check out some of my older humor pieces like my series Secret Little Wars or my Poem Indecision: a moment of mental mayhem. If you also like serious topics, I have you covered as well!

Stay funny my friends.