What Ends Up In My Junk Box...3

I do so love it when the Internet, or my Junk Mail folder, writes my articles for me:

Greetings,

We are a reputable international investment firm, privately

seeking for beneficial projects and means of expanding and

relocating our business interest abroad in the form of Soft Loan

Funding in the following sectors; oil/Gas, banking, real estate,

stock speculation and mining, transportation, health sector and

tobacco, Communication Services, Agriculture Forestry & Fishing,

thus any viable sector at a low interest rate of three percent

ROI per annum.

Please get back to me if you have any projects that need funding

via e-mail: [email protected] for more details.

Sincerely,

Saeed

Yahoo! Mail

Whenever I am having a rough time and feel like being literate and sensible means nothing in this big, bad world, I go to my Spam folder and find such delighful distractions like the above that just make my day.

Seriously, what is this?

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It is now November, meaning that Daylight Saving Time is over and we are in what I am now going to call Daylight Shaving Time. Yeah, a silly title, perhaps, but humour is the only way I can deal with this time of year, and the consideration of everything that is heading towards us: the cold, snow, and ice; the darkness (already aware of it); the palpable mood of doom and gloom that hits us all when we should be giving thanks and gifts and celebrating a new year (such an incredible irony). I know that there has been some talk here in Quebec about repealing the time jumps from now on, and many other provinces are making the same considerations. Not everyone wants to come home in the dark during the coldest time of the year. Not everyone can see the humour in it.

And that is why I want to thank you, Saeed. I am really grateful for the laughs.

Let's look at why I am still typing this out with a smile on my face:

1. If you really are a reputable international investment firm, maybe you could try and include your actual name. Also, you may not need to advertise with just an email heading towards my address with no surname or title.

2. What exactly is Soft Loan Funding? You never really explained it here, Mr. S., but with a quick search online, I discovered the following: a type of loan that features much more lenient terms than a standard commercial or "hard" loan. Ah, another way to borrow at a rate that is both attractive and definitely exploitative.

3. Check your spelling...and capitalization (couldn't really make up your mind, could you, sir?)

4. Why are you being so generous with your time by asking if I have any projects that need funding? That sounds like a very ''soft'' move by you and your fictional organization.

5. Finally, and this is something that I have had to point out to my students when they are working on their resumés, please use an email address that at least possess the idea of professionalism. A blur of letters and numbers at a simple Gmail address is not enough to fool anyone anymore. Maybe next time you could try to apply the name Tesla, or Union Carbide, or Mar-A-Lago to your address.

Anyway, I am grateful for the chance to fill up a page with my thoughts on another scammer. I might even be given a pat on the back for showing how the game works...and often fails.

This series may never end.

Stay tuned.

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You can find more poems, stories, and articles by Kendall Defoe on my Vocal profile. I complain, argue, provoke and create...just like everybody else.

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