The Grumpy Old Men Realise They are Getting Old

If you haven’t read any of the Grumpy Old Men series, Marty and Steve are two grumpy old men who live together. They have known each other for years. Marty has been a bachelor all his life.

The two started living together when Steve’s wife passed away five years ago. Marty always told Steve it was a wonder she put up with him for that long.

So, it went on. They fought like cats and dogs all day and night, but the two were inseparable.

The last episode is here if you want to read it.

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Marty got up from his chair in the lounge room and rearranged himself, as men do. He bobbed up and down like a nervous peacock.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Marty?” asked Steve.

“I put my underpants on the wrong way this morning, and I just can’t get comfortable,” replied Marty.

“Well, have you ever thought of taking them off and putting them on the right way, you silly old coot?”

“Too much trouble; I’ll put up with it.”

“No, you won't. I am not going to put up with you bobbing up and down all day. Go and change.”

Marty slumped off to his bedroom and returned about ten minutes later.

“Took you long enough! Having trouble bending over?” Steve snapped, hoping for some friendly banter.

Marty didn’t bite. After about five minutes, he turned to Steve, “Do you worry about getting old?”

Steve put down his newspaper. “Marty, my old mate, you don’t have to worry about getting old, you're already there, my friend. Anyone who puts their jocks on back to front and can't be bothered changing them is already old,” replied Steve, not letting go of it.

“Jocks? Don’t you wear ‘cosy whities’ anymore?” replied Marty.

“No, anyone who does is already old!”

“You know what we are, Steve,” replied Marty again, not responding to Steve's digs. “We are seenagers.”

“Seenagers, what in the hell are they?”

“Well, think about it, Steve. Everything we wanted as teenagers, we now have. We don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month, have my own place, and there is no curfew.”

“No curfew; you are lucky if you are still awake when the news finishes," said Steve, trying to rev Marty up again.

“What’s more, the people I hang around with don’t have acne and aren’t scared of getting pregnant. I never have to show proof of my age,” said Marty, still trying to get his point across.

“Interesting thought,” Steve replied with a smirk.

"I imagine you'll say you're slow to respond because your brain is full of information. It just takes longer to remember the facts."

“Do you still have a note to yourself reminding you not to take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night?”

"When you walk into the kitchen and forget why, it's not a memory problem. It's just nature's way of nudging you to keep moving."

“Don’t worry, old mate. Getting old isn’t too bad. Consider the alternative. You are probably one of the few people who enjoy Mondays. Retirement is wonderful; you're doing nothing without worrying about getting caught.”

“Make fun of it all you like; you are in the same boat; you just won’t admit it,” answered Marty, somewhat hurt by Steve’s ridicule. “I don’t know why I put up with you!”

“George Burns once said, You know you’re getting old when you bend to tie your shoelaces and think about what else you could do while you’re down there.” Steve laughed as he shared this advice.

“By the way, your jumper is inside out.”

Marty looked at his jumper before realising that Steve was having another go at him.

I’m going to make a cup of tea. Do you want one? “If I am not back in ten minutes, remind me what I went into the kitchen for, will you?” said Steve as he got up and headed for the kitchen.

Till next time,

Calvin