ComicRelief
Rejected Advice from My Inner Child
I don’t hear voices—let’s get that straight. But sometimes, when life becomes a pressure cooker of adult responsibilities, deadlines, and dishwashing, I hear a faint, mischievous whisper from the back of my brain. It’s small, it’s bratty, and it usually sounds like it’s holding a juice box. That’s my inner child. He’s seven years old, perpetually sticky, and absolutely convinced he knows better than me. Recently, after a particularly exhausting Monday that involved a broken printer, a coffee spill, and a meeting where Steve from accounting said, “Let’s circle back” one too many times, I sat on the couch and sighed. That’s when he popped up. “Why don’t you just quit your job and become a dinosaur?” I blinked. “Excuse me?” “You heard me. Dinosaurs don’t go to meetings. Dinosaurs don’t file taxes. Dinosaurs just roar and eat stuff. Be a dinosaur.” He had a point. A weird, unhelpful, prehistoric point—but a point nonetheless. --- Episode One: The Great Crayon Incident My inner child’s second piece of advice came during a low blood sugar moment when I skipped lunch and found myself staring at a pack of colorful highlighters. “They look like popsicles,” he said. “No, they don’t,” I replied. “They do. Try the pink one. It’s strawberry.” “You’re not even real.” “And yet I’m the only one here trying to make life fun again.” He was winning the argument, and that was concerning. Eventually, I compromised and ate a cookie instead of a highlighter. But for a moment, I really considered what strawberry ink might taste like. That’s the power of inner children—they have no concept of consequences, just cravings. --- Episode Two: Financial Advice from a Kid Who Thinks Monopoly is Real One Saturday morning, I was budgeting my expenses with a calculator, a spreadsheet, and a headache. Inner child popped up again. “Why don’t you just buy a jetpack?” “Because I have rent, utilities, and student loans.” “But you’d get to work faster. And you’d look awesome.” “You think jetpacks are cheap?” “No, but if you pass GO, you get $200.” “That's Monopoly.” He crossed his arms, clearly unimpressed with my logic. “You’re no fun.” Honestly, he wasn’t wrong. I used to buy fake tattoos, candy bracelets, and those gooey hand slappers with my allowance. Now I buy toilet paper and anxiety medication. Somewhere along the line, fun became a luxury instead of a priority. --- Episode Three: Dating Advice from a Boy Who Thinks Girls Have Cooties I showed up to a first date wearing something sensible, with a list of witty conversation starters in my head. Inner child chimed in: “Ask her if she likes farts.” “Absolutely not.” “Everyone likes farts.” “No, they don’t.” “Okay, then challenge her to a burping contest.” “You’re a menace.” “She’ll remember you forever.” I ignored him. I stuck to grown-up topics like books, travel, and career goals. But halfway through dessert, I accidentally snorted while laughing—and she snorted back. We ended up talking about our most embarrassing moments and laughing until we cried. That was when I realized: inner child might be immature, but he knows how to connect with people better than any dating coach on YouTube. --- Episode Four: The Great Escape Plan On the worst day of the year—yes, the day I found out my vacation request was denied—my inner child proposed a full-blown escape. “Pack a bag, fake your death, move to a treehouse. I know a guy.” “You don’t know a guy.” “Fine, but we can at least pretend the sofa is a pirate ship.” “…What?” “Come on. You be the captain. I’ll be the parrot. Let’s sail to the kitchen and plunder snacks.” I didn’t have the energy to argue. So I did it. I climbed on the couch, yelled “Aye aye!” and dramatically navigated through the pillows with a remote as my compass. Ten minutes later, I was laughing. Like, belly-laughing. I hadn’t laughed like that in weeks. Maybe months. Turns out the kitchen does have snacks worth plundering. --- Final Thoughts from the Juice Box Guru I don’t take all of my inner child’s advice. I still haven’t quit my job to become a dinosaur, and I’ve resisted the urge to eat crayons (so far). But I’ve started listening more closely to him. He reminds me to dance when there’s music. To eat dessert first sometimes. To say what I feel, even if my voice squeaks. And to stop taking life so seriously that I forget it’s supposed to be fun. Sure, he’s chaotic. He’s irrational. He once tried to convince me to climb a tree in dress shoes. But he’s also the part of me that remembers how to play. And maybe—just maybe—play is the thing we all need more of. Even if it means occasionally pretending your coffee mug is a rocket ship. ---
By Mati Henry about a year ago in Humor
How Government Spending Works… Without Numbers
Welcome to the magical land of government spending, where math is a myth, accountability is an endangered species, and the national debt is just a number we chant before sacrificing logic to the gods of lobbying. If you've ever wondered how your tax dollars are used, abused, or lost behind a vending machine at the Pentagon, then this guide is for you!
By The Pompous Postabout a year ago in Humor
The Day I Called in Adult-ish
It started with an email. Just one. A harmless little subject line that read, “Quick Follow-Up Needed.” But deep in my bones, I knew it wasn’t quick. I knew it was code for “We need this spreadsheet done yesterday and we’ll email you about it every five minutes until you cry.” So, naturally, I did what any rational adult would do under pressure. I opened my closet, grabbed my dinosaur onesie, and disappeared into a world of couch cushions and childhood denial. Yes. I built a pillow fort. Yes. I called in adult-ish. Let me explain. --- 9:07 AM – The Breaking Point The day started like most: groggy, undercaffeinated, and aggressively ignoring my to-do list. But something about that email, the passive-aggressive wording, the sheer weight of adulthood… it snapped something in me. I looked at my stiff office chair. I looked at my cold coffee. I looked at my inbox. And then I thought, What would eight-year-old me do right now? The answer was obvious: Quit the system and build a fortress. --- 9:23 AM – Construction Begins Within minutes, I was dragging couch cushions into the living room like a woman on a mission. Blankets were flung over chairs. String lights were untangled. My dog watched me like I’d finally lost it. I added a “Do Not Disturb—Royal Meeting in Progress” sign and posted it outside my new headquarters. I wasn’t just hiding—I was reclaiming joy. And possibly my sanity. --- 10:15 AM – Business Casual Dinosaur Once inside, I changed into my green dinosaur onesie, which, until then, had been used exclusively for Halloween and bad decisions. I brought in cookies, juice boxes, and a walkie-talkie I found in a junk drawer. I even printed out a spreadsheet and used it as a table mat for my snacks. Productivity, redefined. --- 11:47 AM – Pillow Politics At this point, I was feeling a mix of euphoria and mild guilt. Should I respond to that email? Should I check Slack? I decided to hold a formal meeting with my imaginary team: Teddy, Sir Meowsalot the plush cat, and my dog, Winston, who had now joined the fort. Minutes from the meeting: Teddy suggested more cookies. Sir Meowsalot meowed silently. Winston demanded belly rubs. Consensus: We continue the fort life. No outside emails allowed. --- 1:00 PM – Lunch Break with No Rules I microwaved mac and cheese, added dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, and declared lunch “Official Fun Food Hour.” No salads. No kale. No guilt. I ate cross-legged inside the fort while watching old cartoons, the kind with ridiculous sound effects and zero educational value. It felt like therapy. Cheap, cheesy, childish therapy. --- 2:33 PM – Reflection in Crayon Inside the fort, I found a notebook and crayons. I started drawing without thinking. A sun with a smiley face. A stick figure version of me with a cape. A mountain labeled “Adulthood” and a little path called “Nap Breaks.” It hit me: I was tired. Not just sleepy tired, but life tired. The kind of tired that comes from pretending you’re fine when you’re buried under deadlines, bills, and the weight of always being “on.” Little me didn’t care about performance reviews. She cared about snacks, cartoons, and how cool treehouses were. Maybe she had a point. --- 4:00 PM – Re-Emerging Eventually, I poked my head out of the fort like a groundhog checking for stress levels. The adult world was still there. My inbox had exploded. A calendar notification screamed at me. But I didn’t feel panicked anymore. I took a deep breath. I replied to the email. I scheduled a real break for later in the week. I even changed my Slack status to “Productive from a secret location.” No one questioned it. --- Final Thoughts: Why Everyone Needs a Fort Day Here’s the thing: adulthood is exhausting. We’re constantly balancing responsibilities, pretending we have it all together, and forgetting that we’re still human underneath the spreadsheets and subscriptions. Sometimes, the best way to cope isn’t to grind harder—it’s to let your inner child take over for a day. Wear the silly onesie. Eat the cookies. Build the fort. Because maybe, just maybe, healing doesn’t always look like yoga or journaling. Sometimes it looks like a grown adult in a dinosaur suit, eating mac and cheese inside a fortress of couch cushions while watching cartoons. And honestly? That might be the most responsible thing I’ve done all week. ---
By Mati Henry about a year ago in Humor
5 Internet Trends We’re All Embarrassed We Participated In
1. The Ice Bucket Challenge That Most of Us Did Without Donating Remember when dumping a freezing bucket of ice water on yourself became the ultimate social media flex? In 2014, you could not scroll for five seconds without seeing someone shrieking oh my god it is so cold while their friend dumped a bucket over their head and filmed it on a potato quality phone camera.
By Skipper Domiabout a year ago in Humor
Manifesting a Better Life Using Only Expired Condiments and Positive Vibes
🌈 Welcome, seeker of shelf-stable enlightenment. You’ve tried it all: Vision boards. Journaling. Screaming into a crystal shaped like Gwyneth Paltrow. And yet… your life remains one existential pothole away from a full spiritual blowout. Well, what if I told you that the answer to your dreams isn’t in a self-help book or a TikTok tarot card? It’s in your fridge... In the door... Behind the pickles. Lurking with mysterious crust around the cap…
By The Pompous Postabout a year ago in Humor
Small Miracles That Fix A Heavy Heart
Today, I was in a melancholic mood—I don’t know why. Maybe it was the sad movie I just watched, or perhaps because Mom and Grammy are both sick. Trying to find some positive vibes, I went to the porch and gazed at the clear sky and silent streets. The day is slow, I thought to myself. As if Mother Nature heard me, the once-clear sky began filling with dark grey clouds, and moments later, it started to rain. I stood under the awning, staring blankly at the falling droplets. But Mother Nature had other plans—plip—a raindrop landed on my nose. That tiny droplet was packed with life because it instantly lifted my mood, reigniting a spark of joy within me. Extending my hand, I let the rain fall onto it. Surprisingly, the raindrops felt warm—maybe because it was summer. Feeling bold and mischievous, I stepped out from under the awning and onto the road. The tiny droplets were refreshing, and soon, I was dancing in the rain.
By Staringaleabout a year ago in Humor
The Cat, the Tortoise, and the Secret Garden”
The Curious Cat and the Clever Tortoise In a peaceful meadow at the edge of a forest, a small orange tabby cat named Bella roamed freely. Bella was clever, quick, and forever curious. Every morning, she chased butterflies, swatted at blades of grass, and leaped gracefully over stones in the meadow. It was a life full of wonder, light, and boundless energy. One bright morning, as Bella was chasing a tiny green dragonfly, she heard a faint rustle in the nearby thicket. Her ears twitched. Ever curious, she crept closer and saw a slow, lumbering shape making its way toward a nearby stream. It was a tortoise — an old, gentle-looking tortoise named Theo with a domed green shell and kind, patient eyes. Bella paused, tilting her head. “Hello,” she greeted, her tail raised high. Theo slowly lifted his gaze. “Hello, little one,” he replied in a voice as warm and steady as the sunshine. “You move so slowly,” Bella observed. “Don’t you ever wish you could jump and run as fast as me?” Theo chuckled. “My shell may be heavy and my feet slow, but I do not measure life by speed. I appreciate the small things that others often overlook — the scent of the rain, the taste of a clover, the sound of distant birdsong.” That day, the two unlikely friends began to spend time together. Bella would often prance ahead, then circle back, excited to report what she had seen up the path. Theo would smile and listen carefully, teaching her to slow down and look more closely at the world around her. As the days passed, Bella learned that patience could reveal hidden treasures. Under Theo’s gentle guidance, she began to appreciate the glimmer of morning dew on spiderwebs, the vibrant colors of wildflowers in bloom, and the gentle rhythm of the breeze through the forest canopy. But one warm afternoon, dark clouds gathered overhead. Thunder rumbled across the hills. Large, heavy raindrops began to fall, splashing on the forest floor. Bella, with her sleek orange coat, sprinted toward shelter beneath a nearby oak tree. “Come quickly, Theo!” she called, looking back. Theo, moving at his usual careful pace, kept his steady stride. “I’ll be there,” he assured her calmly. The rain fell faster. Thunder cracked again, louder this time, making Bella jump. “You must hurry!” she squeaked anxiously. “I cannot move faster,” Theo replied with a peaceful expression. “But fear not — I have my shell, and my shell will shelter me.” Seeing his steadfast composure, Bella took a deep breath and decided to wait. Though every part of her wanted to dash off, she stayed by his side as rain ran in rivers across the forest path. And sure enough, Theo was right. Within his strong, domed shell, he was dry and protected. Bella huddled close, finding shelter just at his side, safe under the overhang of his shell. When the storm passed and the skies cleared, the forest sparkled with raindrops. Birds began to sing, and warm beams of sunlight cut through the branches. Bella looked up at Theo with newfound respect. “You weren’t worried at all,” she said. Theo gave a knowing smile. “There is no need to worry about what we cannot change. Whether rain or shine, the forest will go on, and so shall we.” That moment was a turning point for Bella. Her restless heart had learned a lesson about patience and trust. Being quick was her nature, yes — but through her friendship with Theo, she learned that moving slowly allowed her to embrace beauty that would otherwise have passed her by. As the summer days stretched on, they continued their walks together — Bella bounding ahead to explore and Theo plodding carefully behind, his gentle voice carrying bits of wisdom as they went. They watched fireflies dance at dusk, listened to owls call at night, and greeted each morning with shared joy. And in this unlikely companionship, they discovered that differences could be a gift. For Bella, every day was now richer. With Theo at her side, she learned that true adventure was not measured by speed but by understanding, kindness, and the ability to be present in every moment. And for Theo, every journey was lighter. With Bella by his side, he was reminded of the delight that comes with play, curiosity, and seeing the world through the bright eyes of a friend who loved him just as he was. Together they became an enduring pair — a quick-footed cat and a slow and steady tortoise — proving that even the most unlikely friends can inspire each other to grow. And so, they roamed the forest paths together, forever cherishing the gentle balance they had found — one fast, one slow, but their hearts forever beating in perfect harmony.
By Taimur Ahmadabout a year ago in Humor
Paw-sitively Hilarious
Hey, fam! Gather 'round, because we're about to embark on a journey into the wild, whimsical, and utterly wonderful world of funny cat videos. Seriously, if you haven't spiraled down a YouTube rabbit hole of feline antics, are you even living in the 21st century? These fluffy overlords of comedy have taken over our screens, our hearts, and honestly, probably our collective sanity in the best way possible. From epic fails to dramatic overreactions, cat videos aren't just entertainment; they're a vibe, a cultural phenomenon, and dare I say, a vital part of our digital well-being. So, let's claw our way through the fluff and find out why these purr-fect snippets of joy reign supreme.
By Karl Jacksonabout a year ago in Humor
