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Two Apples High Rewind!!!

~Humor Community Version~

By Tiffany Gordon Published 4 months ago β€’ 3 min read
Top Story - June 2023
Two Apples High Rewind!!!
Photo by James Yarema on Unsplash

It was the weekend; the primetime to blow off some steam. Me and my friends (including my cousin/closest friend) were dressed to the nines and ready for any adventures that may come our way. We hopped in the car and meandered our way to the local nightclub on base.

The club on base was a favorite of ours because we had the privilege of meeting so many cool people from across the country and it was the ultimate IT spot for romantic prospects since there was always a new cluster of riveting servicemen trickling in from various parts of the country.

Once we paid, we eagerly entered the bunker-style dance establishment.

We ventured to our favorite section of the club, then sat down.

We had a ball chatting it up, people-watching, and patiently waiting for some of our favorite songs to pop up so that we could dance until our feet got tired.

My friends and I were in mid-conversation when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see the:



*carmel-colored chap from Texas

that I had been out on approximately 1 date with. For privacy's sake let's call this person, (Mr. Blank).

(Mr. Blank) and I chatted briefly, then he excused himself and went to get himself a drink.

Full disclosure: it's been nearly 30 years, therefore the locational details are a bit fuzzy. I can't quite remember whether my cousin's reaction toward my dating partner took place at the nightclub or whether it took place on the phone after the nightclub. What follows next is the gist of what happened.

After (Mr. Blank) excused himself, my extremely outspoken, comedically-gifted, blunt, Aries 🐏 ram of a cousin exclaimed in an astonished and slightly disappointed tone:

"Girl, he is only TWO APPLES 🍎🍎HIGH!"

This was an unusual catchphrase that I had never heard before.

My cousin is always a guaranteed hoot! We all got the joke right away and immediately burst into laughter. Disclaimer: I wasn't laughing at his appearance. Now that would have been cruel and cruel is not my style. I was merely laughing at my cousin's deadpan delivery and the visual of her joke swimming around in my mind's eye.

Now, you're probably wondering what TWO APPLES 🍎🍎HIGH means...

You ready?..... It is an exaggerated way of saying that my dating partner was short enough to touch noses with Thumbelina. Sorry about the bad joke! lol …

**TWO APPLES 🍎🍎 HIGH means someone who is extremely short.

I couldn't help but visualize two shiny apples stacked one on top of the other. Amusingly, if (Mr. Blank) had only been as tall as two stacked apples, he would have been shorter than the length of a ruler. The thought of this visual had my sides aching!

Interestingly, later on, one of my friends decided to get philosophical on us by pointing out how brilliant my cousin's analogy had been. She made us realize that had my cousin used another fruit in her catchphrase the joke wouldn't have made sense or landed well. The same friend further explained that if you were to attempt to stack two oranges on top of one another they would not have stayed in place and the essence of the joke would have been ruined.

Over the years, my cousin's catchphrase NEVER EVER went flat; one of us would randomly bring up the phrase in the middle of an unrelated conversation and laugh hysterically. In fact, it's been 29 years and I still haven't heard an inside joke that has been quite as clever or funny as the one above.

Side Note: you may be wondering what happened with me and (Mr. Blank).

Well… basically he stopped speaking to me (Thank God for small miracles) 😁 because he saw me chatting with someone, who happened to be male, as we exited the bus and erroneously assumed I was cheating on him, though we hadn't even reached boyfriend and girlfriend status yet.

My first thought was Yay! lol

To be honest, I was super-duper relieved that Cupid had thrown me a bone because he was the jealous-type. Besides I never had any soul-stirring/ heart-swooning feelings for him anyway. We were not only on two different {script} pages; we were in two different movies.

**HIM starring as Mark Wahlberg's controlling character in the movie FEAR

**ME starring as Julia Stiles' friendly, hip-hop-loving character in Save The Last Dance.

No match made in Heaven there, thankfully. πŸ‘ŽπŸΎ


I won't keep you…

Thanks a lot for reading about my all-time favorite inside joke. I hope this story gave you a good laugh.

**On a serious note,

I'd love

to see





About the Creator

Tiffany Gordon

I am a super-spiritual, fun-loving artist, writer, & peer-counselor residing in the Pacific Northwest. I am also an Institute of Children's Literature alumna who enjoys writing about the triumph of the human spirit.

Reader insights


Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  2. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  3. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  1. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

  4. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  5. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

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Comments (36)

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  • Jay Kantor3 months ago

    Dear TG ~ Thank You for 'Philosophically' Learnin' me ~ - With Pleasure - Jay Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California 'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Author Community -

  • Veera SV4 months ago

    nice expiation

  • Aryan Kumar4 months ago

    great work

  • Kendall Defoe 4 months ago

    But what kind of apples were they? ;)

  • L.C. SchΓ€fer4 months ago

    Your cousin sounds like a hoot! It's allllll in the delivery isn't it 😁

  • C. H. Richard4 months ago

    I remember this one 🀣! Two apples 🍎 🍎 high is hysterical and your cousin sounds hilarious πŸ˜‚

  • I don't know if I read the original, seems familiar and excellent. But have read and enjoyed this now. Thanks

  • I feel like everyone is going to use the phrase 'two apples high' now. Did you ever find out where she got the phrase from? Also, where was this phrase when I was in high school? Such a great (and slightly undercover) way to call out someone based on their height.

  • Victor M4 months ago

    nice work

  • Fathima insira4 months ago

    Very nice work

  • Kristen Balyeat4 months ago

    Haha! Love that phrase! Going to have to use that one.:) Cousins are the BEST! Also, glad cupid saved you from Mr. Blank! LOL! Great read, Tiffany!

  • Lol, I'll always laugh when I read this! Congratulations on your Top Story! πŸŽ‰πŸ’–πŸŽŠπŸŽ‰πŸ’–πŸŽŠ

  • Jacob Johnson 4 months ago

    Great tekst

  • Andrew C McDonald4 months ago

    This is quite a relatable, and humorous tale. Very well written and without actual Cruel Intentions.... to do the movie thing, lol. Nicely done. BTW, I am only 5'6" ... so maybe ..., what?..., 2 1/2 apples high? :-)

  • Yaaassssss, Congratulations on your Amazing Top Story❀️‍πŸ”₯πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸ˜‰β—

  • Babs Iverson4 months ago

    Remember this one, loved the re-read!!!πŸ’•β™₯️β™₯️

  • Gina C.4 months ago

    Congrats on Top Story, Tiffany!! 😍❀️❀️ This story is amazing; definitely brought a smile to my face! Thank you!πŸ€—

  • So, if you cut one of the apples in half & some fella had been only that tall, would you have gone out with him? Asking for a friend, lol.

  • J. Delaney-Howe4 months ago

    Fun story! I love the nickname you gave- Mr. Blank. Nice work!

  • Julia Schulz4 months ago

    Great conversational delivery and reveals your kind heart!

  • This was great! Mr blank will always be two apples high ha

  • J. S. Wade4 months ago

    Haha. Congratulations Tiffany πŸ₯‡

  • MARIE ODEMS 4 months ago


  • Heather Hubler4 months ago

    Woohoo for getting Top Story for this unforgettable story!

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