Scientists Discover “Political Viagra” in Brains of Men Over 40

In a groundbreaking study, aimed to examine early Alzheimer’s brain plaque deposits, scientists stumbled upon an unexpected discovery. Instead of the anticipated plaque, they uncovered what has been dubbed “political viagra.”

According to lead researcher Dr. Evelyn Mattson, the longitudinal study¹ took a turn when the amount of so-called political viagra found was directly linked to an individual “taking a stand” on political issues, and their propensity to explosively vent.

“It’s quite remarkable, really,”

Dr. Mattson, age 28, remarked with a bemused expression.

“We were geared up to examine brain plaque, and instead, we found this. These individuals are more prone to experiencing very rigid opinions.”

In an interview with The Sheboygan Scientist, Patient B stated,

“When arguing about politics, I felt a wild rollercoaster of emotion, the same as when I was 17, and [wink]. You catch my drift? And after I won the argument, a desire to just be alone for a while.”

Test Methodology

Subject A was shown a photograph of children wearing protective face masks. Immediately, he began to passionately argue about the children's “lack of oxygen” until his own oxygen level fell below 90% and he passed out.

After being revived and reassured the children were ok, he was asked if he had been required to wear a face mask recently, or knew of anyone hurt wearing a mask. He stated, “why does that matter?”

Another test subject (B), was shown a well-known politician’s silhouette. After 10 minutes, he began to neglect self-care, and repetitively declare “the end of” various things to a research assistant. After 12 hours, the lead researcher made the lifesaving decision to terminate the study, and administer an intravenous drip to restore his electrolyte levels.

A control subject, age 24, exposed to the same photo, simply stated, “That old man? He’ll die eventually. And, I can always move to Canada if things get really bad.”

Family Members are the Most Affected

I reached out to the subject’s family members.

“We were puzzled. [Subject A] was once a fun-loving guy who enjoyed telling jokes and watching professional sports. We’re happy to finally have an answer.”

Another family had this to say:

“[Subject B] talked about writing a novel. He made homemade pesto sauce from fresh basil back in the 2000s. Now we can’t eat at his place anymore, because of the risk of … an outburst.”

Where does this lead?

The scientific community has been abuzz with the new findings. “It’s like something straight out of a science fiction novel,” remarked Dr. Sheldon Nedowitz, a leading expert in neurochemistry.

Looking at the surge in violence at retirement homes nationwide, 154 incidents of patient-on-patient violence, and 17 fires, have been linked to “political viagra” and 24-hour cable news coverage.

Experts suggest implementing new safety measures at retirement homes across the country this election year, and taking steps to shield seniors from inflammatory rhetoric, which is largely about events that don’t affect their upcoming hip replacements and heart surgeries.

The scientists say new treatment protocols are already being explored.

“Imagine a world where we could discuss new ideas with our older relatives,” mused Dr. Mattson. “It’s a tantalizing prospect, to say the least.”

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[1]: Andra Sohrabi, (November 16, 2023) An fMRI Study of Early Plaque Deposits in Late-Middle Age: Their Role in Mental Preparation and Conflict https://www.ncbi.nlmi.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC97668373/