Receptionists

The Prompt

Write a pitch for the pilot of a comedy TV series.

Concept

A doctor's surgery.

The doctor does not actually want to see patients, but wants to be paid, so instructs his receptionists to stop patients from making appointments, and disturbing his hobbies of virtual golf and watching daytime television.

The receptionists decide to play the doctor for their own fun as they are subjected to many unsympathetic patients who need to be seen by the doctor, who does not want to see them.

The Pilot

Act 1

The location is the surgery. This is where everything takes place. The Doctor has his consultation room at the back.

There is a waiting area for patients lucky enough to have secured an appointment and those who have just come in with the hope of seeing the doctor.

There are two receptionists behind glass screens, a leftover from Covid which the doctor was annoyed at having to pay for, despite the fact that the Health Service was the one that actually paid for it.

Internal Phone Conversation:

Receptionist 1: "Doctor Smith you have Mrs Jones to see"

Doctor Smith: "I'm only on the fourteenth hole, can't you tell her to come back later"

Receptionist 1: "You have six appointments today, you need to see her"

Doctor Smith: " You never let me do anything"

Receptionist 1: "This is your job!!"

Doctor Smith: "And your job is to deal with the patients so they don't have to see me"

Receptionist 1: "She has an appointment, I'm sending her in now"

Doctor Smith: "F*cking Hell, you are just the worst receptionist ever"

Receptionist 2: "We need to do something to teach him a lesson"

Receptionist 1: "I'm not sure if I can keep this up"

Receptionist 2: "Maybe we can reprogram his golf game so he can never get his balls in the holes. He would love that, wouldn't he? NOT!!!"

Receptionist 1: "Ooh yes, can you do that?"

Receptionist 2: "Yeah my husband can tell me what to do, and that means we can get him to see patients"

This is how most days start

Act II

On most days

Patient: "I need an appointment with Doctor Smith this afternoon"

Receptionist 2: "I'm sorry Doctor Smith has no appointments for three weeks, perhaps you could try the walk-in centre"

Patient: "I know he is free now, I am playing golf with him online, so make me an appointment now"

Receptionist 2: "I'm really sorry, he told me he was training, admittedly he didn't tell me what for. Just come in and we'll both surprise him"

In the consultation room

Doctor Smith: "Let me feel your stomach"

Another Patient: "Ouch, that's sore, am I going to die Doctor?"

Doctor Smith: "Yes, but not today, you have just got a muscular strain"

Another Patient: "Doc Martin says that, are you going to give me something?"

Doctor Smith: "I know he does, but I said it first. Get some rest, don't do any strenuous stomach exercise for at least two weeks, and take some ibuprofen if it is too painful"

Act III

The receptionists shut the doors of the surgery.

Doctor Smith left at one o'clock for some "important meetings". They knew he was either seeing one of his mistresses or playing a game of real golf.

This was all material to hold against him and blackmail him with when they wanted their way.

They switched the answerphone on to give them a final break from the patients who wanted an appointment or repeat prescription or advice.

They switch out the lights, tomorrow is another fun-filled day.