How to Get Your Balls Back And Score in the Game of Life & Relationships

Last month, my mother was watching the Hallmark Channel when they ran a series of commercials promoting Christmas movies in July.

Christmas in July?! Now who in the world would come up with that kind of corniess. I guarantee you that it wasn't a dude that came up with that idea.

If I was a betting man, I would lay heavy odds on it being someone of the female persuasion. Or maybe, just maybe even something far worse. A "man" that thinks like a woman.

Boy, I tell ya! Those cats are the real Benedict Arnolds. Come to think of it, they don't even deserve the dict part of it so we'll just refer to them as a bunch of Ben Arnolds instead. Those are the type of dudes that need to be thrown in the slammer for treason.

The only thing sadder then that are the men that are hugged up with their women watching that garbage.

First of all, you all are only going along with that mumbo jumbo in hopes that she will give you a little bit of nookie later on.

You are not fooling anybody but yourself! But I'm afraid that the joke is on you, kid. You see, not only are you not going to be getting any lovin' but she's going to have you cuddling with her all night long.

That wasn't the kind of the ing you had planned on doing tonight was it. See you played yourself and IT'S YOUR FAULT.

All you had to do was be upfront with her and let her know that I do not want to watch this crap. Instead, tell her this,

Babe, I want to watch a ball game or a good movie filled with lots of violence and explosions.

You see how easy that was. The truth is natural and is as easy as a Sunday morning. Lying requires all kinds of creativity and commitment that a lot of us just don't have. 

So the question I have for us as men is, why lie in the first place? Why not just simply tell the truth and shame the devil as my grandma used to say?!

It's simply because of FEAR!

The only reason why you don't tell her the truth is because you're afraid of what she might do. But, what is she really going to do when you let your true feelings be known though?

Put you in a headlock? Is she going to make you sleep on that big ass couch downstairs? Heck, that might actually do you some good.

Maybe, you'll finally be able to get some sleep without her waking you up every 2 minutes wanting to talk to you because she can't sleep. Then when she finally does sleep, the woman snores louder then Chewbacca.

But you know something? I never really understood how she could kick you out and make you sleep downstairs in a house that you're paying the bills on! That must be some Hollywood stuff that they manufactured because it doesn't make any lick of sense.

Fellas, the next time she tries to kick you out the bedroom over some bull, just kick that mortgage bill right over on to her. I bet you she'll be more appreciative then.

Now I'm not just picking on the women but you need to have that type of attitude with anybody who's taking your time for granted.

Even, if it's your own kids!

Sometimes, you have to tell them no as well. Trust me, they'll be a whole lot better in the long run and I guarantee you that when they get older they will thank you for it.

You have to take your pride back along with your time. At the very least, you should be doing more things that make you happy much more instead of "people-pleasing" all the time.

You know what happens to people-pleasers, don't you? After doing all that pleasing and giving to others that are not giving you nothing back in return, they tend to feel all empty inside.

We definitely don't want you walking around being depressed and eating Häagen-Dazs ice cream all day. That's the woman's job.

Now, now. Ladies, I was only kidding with that last part. You know I love you all to infinity times 10. 

I know some of the men are looking at me sideways for posting that. Shoot, I'm not trying to get kneed in the cajones. Yeah, I got balls but I got brains too.