Hit me Baby

Intimidation: Bat-Tap Muddy Spikes

- THE HITMEN - Slow-Slow Pitch Softball -

OUR team was a mishmash-mix of regular guys from the ‘hood, biz and, of course, the poker-group-boys. Some of the Hitmen are not with us anymore. But, it’s fun to recall such a special time. A simpler goof-off time. Lucky-Lar, my Twin. Terry Brenner, College roommate. We all had 'I knew you when' type chums!

— Batter-Batta' Swing! Ur Outta There! —

Here are a few Standouts:

Mart – Since our future Wives were best friends, we’d go watch him collect wooden-bench-splinters at his Loyola Law School football games.

Lucky-Lar – An extremely opinionated-successful CPA was forever arguing calls; a worthy 3rd baseman, sometimes.

Jay – I wasn’t a very good hitter. It seems it wasn’t diagnosed that I needed glasses until I was almost (40). It seriously wasn’t cool to wear horn-rimmed glasses back then at all; nerd alert. I’m certain there was a bit of vanity in all that 'Blind-&-Beautiful-Schtick'. I wasn’t much of a fielder either; I’m ok with that. So, I was relegated to playing 1st base. The least 'vulnerable' position. I guess they could have fired me from my pro-bono fielding position. There were certainly lots of people sitting on the sidelines anxious to become 'Hitmen.'

Terry – The President of a huge corporation. His Twin Brother, Toby worked in his warehouse – no Nepotism there. My true friends, Terry & Toby, relaxed and just happy to be there. No on-field biz talk allowed.

Ray 'Sonny' Nash - Actually played baseball in the Army for (4) years during the Vietnam war. I Didn’t even know they had a baseball team. Wonder what his Billet-Job Category Designation was during the baseball off-season? He had a great ‘tude. While playing 2nd base for the 'Hitmen' he would say to me. “Hey, Jay, if you don’t catch the pop-up, no biggie, you ain’t getting paid for it anyway.”

I was recently willed the photo (above) of the 'Hitman' shirt-jersey that once hung from Ray’s home trophy wall, encased within the same frame as a proud photo tribute to his pristine lavender ’57 Cadillac-Coupe’ - 'Maybelline.'

Most of us just goofed-off; winning-losing not important. Although, Certified-Tally-Upper, Lucky-Lar could probably fill you in on each game; for sure. And, big-brain Mart, could certainly 'schpiel' you on his legal analysis of each and every pitch. But, we had 'breathers' from our every day mostly Desk 'Jock~y' j.o.b.'s and responsibilities – A fun exercise-leg-stretch – Better than just a Poke-in-the Computers-Eye.

Each game the Girlfriends screamed excitedly in the stands. Once Married, not so much; don’t really know why? Bff Kristen Balyeat; aka "TheBleacherMom" has noticed this phenomenon, if you will, as well while cheering @ her Hubbies games.

Team after Game Nosh:

Winners choice: Closest TAP-beer-joint with a slice of Pizza. Losers can’t be choosers: Bagel/with a schmear at the 'Deli Stop' Deli. Mart had invested in this business. So we would go there after the games; don’t recall him ever giving us food discounts though.

Traditional Award Ceremonies:

Lar was the self appointed Ad-Lib 'Hitman' awards Master of Ceremony. As the M.C. he would pass out the tiny engraved plastic trophies as follows; You know the kind.

Mart – As a stylish-southpaw-swinger emulated after the Yankee slugger Reggie Jackson. He of course denies this. Although his vanity-tags on his car read "Yanke." In L.A. the fancy car got 'egged' often; don’t know by whom? His trophy was imprinted “Mr. Annual 500 batting average, most (4) pitch walks given, with the bases loaded.”

Mart still plays in the Sunday Lawyers League. Though I suppose the other team doesn’t offer him fearful (4) pitch walks anymore. But, still with the in your face SpikeSlides.

Dennis – May have been an original incentive for the 'Newbies new in-fielders shift-rule.' Example: A right handed batter who always hit to the right side. Even after Mart, with his always 'Helpful' 'tude, as the self anoited behind the screen coach, screamed “to spread it around.”

Twins – Terry & Toby: Both received the best ‘tude awards. No agenda there - Didn’t even know we had THAT award.

Jay – Annual unanimous dual-recipient award:

“MOST Defensive Player” – “MOST Offensive Player”

Lar – “Ump..R/U Blind!” Team unauthorized-arguing award - annually.

Baseball Fond Memory:

When in Little League we were actually 'prized' for extra-base hits; a true incentive! After the game we were given 'Reward-Vouchers' for the following:

Double = (6) Pack of Pepsi bottles. When I rarely earned these I hid them under my bed so Lucky-Lar wouldn’t get at them; I know sibling rivalry. I could probably make the case that Lucky found the hiding place since a few bottles were always missing!

Triple = Boiled Dodger-Dogs. Mom & Sis-Vicki worked the 'Nosh-Hut'. While sister, Betty, announced the games on the booth loudspeaker; truly a family affair.

Homer = Kiss from the Pre-Pubescent Cheerleader -Nah-

Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California

'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Village Community -