Death of a Bromance...

What up, roomie!

Hope you're having a great time on vacation.

I think you said you were going to New Zealand with your parents for three weeks. Or maybe it was New Hampshire. Hell, I don't remember.

You know we're bros for life, right? I got your back and you got mine. And we always help each other out even when we don't want to. Hope that never changes.

Anyway, I know it's only been eight or nine days, but I need to apologize for something. It can't wait any longer.

First off, and don't freak out, but... the money I had left after rent to pay bills with, well, it never paid any...

It's all Brad's fault! He took us downtown to that new Laser Tag & Stripper Emporium. That place is fricken awesome! Wish you could have been there. I got a crazy-cool lap dance from a virtual slut! Twice! And we completely destroyed Mason's team in laser tag.

With the admission fee, the lap dances, a few drinks, a souvenir toga and three corndogs... oh, and a case of Cheetos from Costco the day before, I’m broke as fuck now.

I'm irritated about it too, because I guess I forgot to pay the light bill last month. They shut those off four days ago. Relax, I'm working on it.

But man! No electricity sucks! The first night I had to go out and steal a few candles and batteries because we never thought to buy shit like that for the house. 😂

And it still hasn't sunk into my brain. Just yesterday I tried flipping the switch on in every room I walked in even though I did the same thing several times before and knew the lights weren't coming on. It's one of those automatic, brain-fart things, I guess.

Also, I threw out all the food in the fridge two days after. Sorry. It started smelling something dangerous up in there.

I did save all the eggs. I know you'll have a conniption if there's none for your morning shake. I'm pretty sure eggs can sit out all the time.

So, there's that...

Don't worry about the Hydroponics. It's taken care of. I moved the setup over to my brother Anthony's garage. The plants are fine. I told him not to smoke any either. Yes, he's a notorious pothead but he's got little kids now. Shit!... Hope he's not getting them high too.

...There’s more. Sorry.

Apparently, when the electricity got cut off it messed up the septic tank. The smell is beyond horrid 🤮. Worse than the fridge! No amount of air freshener is ever getting that funk out until its fixed.

I called the landlords and told them about it. Eddy came over by himself this time. He was pissed!!! And... um... we have to be out by the end of the month. They're kicking us out! I don't know why. We paid the rent. We always do. And I told him we would pay to get it fixed. I'm sure you can open a credit line for the 1300.00 it's going to cost. You know I can’t. That's a whole, nother bag-of-piss to deal with.

Fuck! I'm sorry, man.

Don't worry. You don't have to come back early or nothing. Unless you want to. I can pack all your stuff and put it in your parent's garage until we find a new place.

Hope you're not mad. It could've been worse! I could have died from inhaling all the methane or whatever it is building up inside the house. I promise to fix everything when I get out of here... Oh yeah, that's right. Didn't tell you about that part yet. I’m in jail.

Apparently, the manager watched the camera footage at the drug store where I stole all that shit from, and they got my license plate number off a camera in the parking lot too. Been here for a few hours. It's a misdemeanor but they are trying to decide if they are charging me with resisting arrest. I bolted out the back door when the police told me to turn around and put my hands behind my back.

That was a BIG mistake. I forgot that the back yard is a completely fenced in. They tackled me before I could figure out the best way to vault over the six-foot, piece-of-shit, vinyl fence. Go ahead, call me a dork. I deserve it. I should have just let them arrest me. I would already be out of here.

Don't worry, Trey. This will all work itself out. You just enjoy the rest of your vacation. Bring me back a T-shirt or something.... Unless you went to New Hampshire. I fell asleep on a bus there one time and was wakened by some crazy chick going through my jacket pockets. She was missing her front teeth and had all these mosquito bites and bruises on her inner arms. I thought there was some kind of zombie apocalypse going on when my eyes came open to her. And she wanted to sit beside me even though it was after midnight and every other seat was open. That was enough of that state for me.

I'll hit you back in a day or so. This counts as my one call. I have to give my phone back to them until I'm released. There's a skinny, cross-dressing, cop with a serious overbite watching me type all this. It could be a woman. I can't tell. It's doing that hand-motion thing for me to wrap it up.

Love ya, bro! Gotta go. Peace out!

-Jackson 😊

【𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐭】