Castle Chronicles IV

WEAPONS / RESEARCH:

Lord Androlian has reported the disovery of an adhesive that may solve a number of problems inherent in Lord Dakkarious' ongong weapons research. Whilst climbing a tree to avoid the wrath of the warrior princess Vice Nanaja, Lord Androlian was sapped upon the head. While Lady Emcat professes responsibility for the fortuitious blow which knocked our jester from his perch, Androlian maintains he "slipped on a batch of bat guano." Be that as it may, the sap covering Lord Androlian's hands and hair upon his rather abrupt (and painful) departure from the tree was found to have properties similar to gorilla glue. While Lord Androlian sports a new crew cut, the result of having to cut his sticky fingers loose from his hair, Lord Dakkarious is delighting in expolring the uses to which this adhesive may be put. Our hermetic researcher stepped out from his lab long enough to inform this reporter that our new Sapper Super Glue will undoubtedly be perfect for the attachment of our latest dung bombs to their frisbee disc delivery systems. [See Science & Technology below]

ARMOR & DEFENSE:

Cpt Riley Strongarm of the palace guard has noted that the breastplates making up the chest area of our female warriours may, with some reworking, be a valid option for the making of armored athletic supporter cups. Cpt Strongarm was quoted as saying, "Gotta protect the boys! Oh, and our soldiers too." It has been noted that the lead serving platters utilized in the castle kitchens are viable options for conversion to female upper torso armor pieces.

NOTE: Please be aware there is currently a shortage of plates/bowls available for kitchen staff. Chef Ceser Sallud Jr. has put in an order for more dinnerware from the blacksmith as his current supply has been confiscated for forging. Hollowing and sanding of wooden bowls in the meantime has been suggested as a temporary alternate means of obtaining food service items.

LEISURE:

A pictionary game took place on the royal lawn today. It has been determined that it only takes one extra line to distinguish a male from female stick figure. The question still remains as to whether the picture (.|.) denotes eyeglasses or breasts. Debate still rages.

GOSSIP / SCANDAL:

It has been noted that the royal gardener enjoyed a roll in the hay today with a 'mystery woman.' Rumor runs rampant as to the identity of this lofty (hay-lofty?) lady, especially since our Minister of Propaganda, Lady Vesria, was seen picking hayseed from her luxurious locks.

HEALTH:

It has been noted that Regent Bourbs has put on several pounds since hiring the new royal chef. Royal physician Dr. Ardythe Van Pelt, while publicly espousing no concern, has been overheard cautioning his excellency as to the health hazards surrounding an excess of fried hog meat in one's diet. Dr. Ardythe Van Pelt has advised this chronicler of derring deeds that a diet of native and exotic fruits is being considered. Be it noted that, due to a dangerous allergy, pomegranates will not be included in the royal dieticians cook book.

HOME AND GARDEN:

Reference the previously reported series of explosions in Regents Castle; A source inside regents castle noted several days ago that a new fertilizer has been perfected which apparently has crossover uses in the area of WMDs (Weapons of Massive Dung). A series of minor explosions ripped through the lower levels of the castle - the apparent source of which was the royal laboratory currently being utilized for the purpose of gardening research. Whilst our royal gardeneer, Lord Dakkarious, was experimenting with ingredients in an attempt to create a new and improved fertizilizer for the royal vegetable gardens he happened upon an explosive discovery. Said discovery rocked the very foundation of our realm (and raised a huge dust cloud). Cpt Strongarm of the royal guard maintains he is most excited about the military applications of the fertilizer formula [See previous editions story ref "dung bmbs"]

SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY:

Apparently the main ingredients of our super fertilizer are kraken poo (compliments of Vice Regent Tolke's pet kraken Spike) mixed with two parts mulberry wine and a finely ground tincture of well age tunnel moss. Per Cpt Strongarm the experimental dung bombs are indeed a weapon of mass odiferousness certain to wreak smelly havoc upon the lands and persons of our enemies. It is possible, per the captain, for a liberal application of dung bombs to render a castle uninhabitable for upwards of a month. on a SIDE NOTE: Royal chambermaid Lady Aryia and her newly appointed assistant Lady Cattiebrie swear they will have the castle aired out in no time. Meanwhile, Regent Bourbs is on extended tour. Repairs to the lower floors of the castle proceed apace.