But Can A.I. Do This?

Artificial Intelligence is a hot topic. For industries it’s an asset that can get the job done faster and cheaper than any human can. For the workforce, it is a threat to our jobs, of course. Back when A.I. was only science fiction, we believed machines would take care of the dangerous, difficult, tedious and mundane jobs so that humanity could relax and spend more time creating. Sadly, this is not the case. A.I. has an increasing presence in the arts and entertainment industries while us humans continue to toil.

It's getting personal now that A.I. is writing content and screenplays. An actor’s likeness can be replicated on film and licensed for profit. Arts and entertainment are an essential form of human communication. It can comfort us, enlighten us, challenge and motivate us. When you use a machine to scour archives for relevant human works to synthesize into something that is technically new, but hollow and derivative, the result is just not the same.

I agree that for non-fiction articles, A.I. can be helpful for research and finding the perfect quotation, for example. I also admit to using A.I. for some of my cover art when there aren't any images available to match the picture in my mind and I lack the time and money to commission an artist to create it for me. Back when I had more time, I illustrated a couple of my own pieces and it was fun, but my talent in that area is limited.

"The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers."

- Sydney J. Harris

For better or worse, A.I. is here to stay. But there are still a few things it can’t do. Here I've compiled a cheeky list of distinctly human exploits for your amusement.

• Have a story idea at an inconvenient time, forget it, then write a dorky little listicle instead. 🙂
• Develop an actual Achilles’ heel that bleeds like a stuck pig whenever new shoes are introduced. High heels. Flats. Dr. Scholl's orthotics. It seriously doesn't matter. Them puppies gonna bleed!

• Forget a person’s name immediately after learning it, carry on a friendship with them for months, refer to them as ‘big guy’ or ‘hey, stranger,’ finally pick up their name in conversation, but forget it again!
• Sneeze and fart at the same time while wearing headphones in an open office environment, then hope to God that the sneeze was louder than the fart.
• Hold a grudge against a kitchen appliance. I’m lookin’ at you, garbage disposal!
• Have a strong opinion about mayonnaise and ranch dressing.
• Have an irrational fear of balloons.
• Become best friends with this bird by giving him lunch crumbs. Name him Otis, and convince yourself that he’s your faithful companion even though it’s probably a different bird every time.

• Accidentally sit on a Junior Mint so it looks like you pooped your pants at a 2pm showing of Disney’s Haunted Mansion.
• Experience the stress of finding gainful employment and the defeat of putting your passion on a shelf in order to survive late stage capitalism.
• Commune with nature.
• Have a good cry.

Take that, A.I.!

I’ve only scratched the surface here. If you can think of any other distinctly human abilities, please add them to the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

And if you enjoyed my take on A.I., you might enjoy my post-apocalyptic fiction that deals with exploiting creativity. It was my very first piece on Vocal. I wrote it for the Doomsday Diary Challenge, but it's still one of my favorites and I think it is still pretty relevant.

And if that’s too depressing, here’s a funny little micro-fiction about robots.

Thank you for reading!