Britain's New UAP Investigation

Your Willingness to Believe

The following examination assesses whether you are a skeptical, incisive and logical member of society or a flaky, idle skywatcher with psychological disorders stemming from poor hygiene and an unrealistically high expectation of meeting beings from another planet.

The Ministry of Defence Psyops Division reserves the right to share your answers to this exam with other carefully selected Neo-Maoist Agencies of Disavowal and Denial.

This exam has replaced the standard square tick box with a more inclusive circle. This gives us the added advantage of not leaving you a corner to hide in.

Stop using this exam immediately if you start to feel dizzy or short of breath, hear voices in your head, engage in multi-timbral vomiting or become excessively open to subliminal [send us £10] suggestion.

Study the map above and clearly mark, using your skill and judgement:

◎ The location of the Middle Temple of Thoth

◎ The site of the next astrologically significant Yes concert.

◎ The proposed route of BT's new Broadband Ley Line.

◎ The Alastair-Crowley-by-Sea Holiday Village of the Damned.

Which of the following statements do you feel is the closest to your beliefs?

◎ I have never been abducted by aliens, but I do live in Droitwich.

◎ I am trying to achieve enough density to live in a black hole.

◎ You are not sufficiently advanced enough to understand me.

Please explain the picture above.

◎ A trick of light reflected off a drunken mirage of the moon.

◎ A hoax perpetuated by Martians to make us believe in them.

◎ I think you'll find that's the inside of my washing machine.

◎ Swamp gas emanating from the child on the left

◎ Overhead UAP projects CGI house, makes mini copies of 3 CIA agents

◎ Test flight of new RAF spy-frisbee.

Is the Government doing a great job?

By Government we mean the people who are doing a great job.

◎ Absolutely.

◎ Yes.

◎ I concur with the last two answers and will tick all these boxes just in case there's any doubt.

◎ No. 

Please go to form 23 "About my right to be abducted from the face of the planet."

Trepanning - the UK's Roswell

An accident at the Central London Nuclear Research Facility in 1947 led to the discovery of an Alternative Britain.

While testing a new building material - one of many in the 1940s formed by accelerating particles of Bakelite and egg powder to the speed of light - scientists unwittingly introduced tiny errors into a Souffle field equation and opened a rare sub-atomic quantum peep hole. The hitherto unknown parallel world beyond the hole was later described as "a bit like Worthing, but without the attendant horrifying consequences".

The discovery was seized upon, the outcome of the original egg and Bakelite research - the shatterproof meringue motorway bridge - was completely overlooked as the development potential of Alternate Britain became clear.

Alternate Britain was similar to Britain in many respects, but with tiny differences that set it apart. For example, beer was slightly less malty and the pubs less smokey in Alternate Britain, while there was a written constitution and High Street bakeries which sold cakes that were not disappointing in any way.

Overall, conditions for British life there were favourable and a Government initiative was set up to develop Alternate Britain's first settlement, the town of Trepanning in Cornwall, now the UK's busiest UAP hotspot and a village that is so remote, it lies on its own outskirts.

About Trepanning

Trepanning does not appear on any official maps - except its own - and no roads lead in or out of the village. It is an independent village-state with a population of less than 1,500 and borders built from elliptical quantum formulae so twisted that they make immigration not only difficult but also perplexing and unaccountable.

Further Information