Are We Out of F*cks Yet?

Disclaimer: I use the word “fuck” fairly often in private conversation, and quite loudly on occasion. (Just ask Pam.) I also use various terms that relate to fellatio and incest, and both male and female genitalia. I'm reasonably sure that I've used “The 'F' Word” somewhere in my Vocal stories. This is a satirical look at the growing prevalence of the term in stories I read on this platform. It may cost me some friends. It's bound to cause some resentment. All I can ask is that you read it with your sense of humor active. If you make it to the end (Don't cheat, dammit!) you might even find a fun little surprise.

Dear fellow Vocal Creators: Are we done yet? How many fucks does it take?

I know, we're all adults here. (Or are we?) It's just a word, and it's a very versatile one at that. We've all heard its praises "sung" by such comic genii (That's a real word.) as George Carlin. It's been glorified in various music genres (probably every music genre other than Gospel by now). I get it.

Let's face it; the synonyms just don't have the same impact. “Schtup you!” “I don't give a shag!” “Well, boink me!” “Hey, wanna' copulate?” There's always something lost in the translation. BUT, (And you knew there was a BUT, but whose but is it?) where does it stop?

It's becoming a requirement. The first thing I do when I open a new story is scan it. “Where's the fuck? No fuck? What 10-year-old wrote this?” I often wonder if the Curation Team does the same.

(Kidding! I'm kidding, @Vocal!)

I think Vocal should implement a new award, or maybe a Leader Board category: Most Fucks Given. (If they do it right away, I might have a winner here.) Wouldn't it look cool as a banner, right up there with Top Story?

I can feel the daggers in many sets of eyes as you're reading this. I already know that you're throwing erasers, or perhaps hand grenades in your head. Well, you can't do it for real, so know you! (Yeah, see, that biblical one doesn't really work, either.)

Oh, and since someone brought up “biblical,” yes, I'm a good ole Southern Baptist by choice, but I'm about as “backslid” as they come. The last time I was in church was for a funeral and I was still somewhat concerned the building might burst into flames as soon as I crossed the threshold. We can't blame this on religion.

By the way, I've never been a huge supporter of the old “Profanity is the last resort of a weak mind.” adage, or whatever version of it is in use today. The creators I follow on Vocal are most definitely not weak-minded. So let's not chalk my opinion here up to that excuse.

I'm also aware that I'm at least a generation apart from most of the writers on the platform. I grew up in a whole different world. In my world, if that word had escaped my lips at home, I would never have made it to the door. I've been making up for it ever since I got married the first time. (Not that the marriage was the cause – or was it?) The point is, I've become accustomed to it out here in the real world. And, let me say once again, I USE it. Pretty fucking well, in my opinion.

I'm not bothered, offended, outraged, devastated, mortified, broken or otherwise affected by reading the word “fuck” or derivatives thereof in what you write. I don't think less of anyone for including it. I simply wonder sometimes if we aren't overdoing it a bit. Like my overuse of adverbs/adjectives like “simply,” especially when “just” will do just fine. (Or should I say, “suffice?”)

Also, it's important to realize that I don't expect my opinions to mean anything. They're just fucking opinions. From a grumpy, old guy who has a fuckload of them. (Spellcheck didn't like that last one.)

And with that, it's about time to see whether or not this will make it to the Published stage. Before I go, though, let me leave you with the little tidbit I hinted at above (way up there).

WARNING: this first video is NSFW nor is it family friendly.

Here's an ALMOST family friendly version:

I do not own the rights to the embedded videos or the music therein.

As always, thanks for reading and here's your chance to let me have it in the comments!