A Typical Police Story

It was 5 o’clock somewhere when Captain Morgan addressed the 0700 roll call. He introduced Inspector Blue Hawaii (a special guest speaker ) who had important information for the squad.

Inspector Blue Hawaii advised the squad that there is an APB (ALL POINTS BULLETIN) out for Mr. Pina Co Lada who was wanted for questioning regarding a break in at the residence of Long Island Ice Tea. Captain Morgan advised the squad that the last known whereabouts of Mr. Pina Co Lada was Tequila Sunrise beach.

Lt. Harvey Wallbanger took over the roll call and assigned CPL. Mai-Tai & Officer Zombie to Patrol Mudslide Highway.

1000 hrs Radio Dispatcher Bahama Mama contacted Cpl. Mai-Tai and advised him that undercover Officer White Russian had just reported seeing Pina Co Lada running down Cosmopolitan Blvd.

1002 hrs Sgt Tom Collins & Cpl Rob Roy advised that they were traveling west on Mojito Drive and could assist Cpl Mai-Tai and Officer Zombie apprehend the suspect.

1005 hrs Officer Kamikaze advised Dispatch he was on Cosmopolitan Blvd on foot and just saw Pina Co Lada run into Sea Breeze Park.

1007 hrs Officer Mimosa advised Dispatch he was in hot pursuit of Pina Co Lada but tripped over Dirty Martini (a local Bum who frequented the park).

1009 hrs Pina Co Lada evaded capture

1010 hrs Limon cello a police wanna-be tackled Pina Co Lada and they both struggled on the ground for a while until Detective Amaretto Sour stepped in and overpowered Pina Co Lada.

1147 hrs Pina Co Lada was processed at the Margaritaville station house.

1200 Cpl Mai- Tai and Officer Zombie decided to go on a well deserved 10-63 @ the Singapore Sling Café.

Duty Calls

1215 hrs Cpl. Mai-Tai and Officer Zombie’s meal break was interrupted by 2 civilians who reported seeing Lime Rickey being assaulted by Scarlet O’ Hara who held a Screwdriver to his throat on Jameson & Ginger Avenue.

1218 hrs Cpl Mai-Tai and Officer Zombie arrived on the scene along with Off duty Officer Fuzzy Navel who jumped out of a Black & Tan taxi to assist the two officers.

1222 hrs Scarlet O’ Hara was taken into custody without incident.

1400 hrs After filling out brief paperwork on the incident Cpl Mai-Tai & Officer Zombie resumed patrol.

1415 hrs Cpl Mai-Tai & Officer Zombie were called to respond to another assault in progress.

1420 hrs Upon arrival Cpl Mai-Tai noticed both subjects were badly bruised and battered. Brandy Alexander alleged she was assaulted by Apple Martini on Manhattan Blvd. Mr. Martini had no comment.

1440 hrs Both subjects received medical treatment and were processed.

1530 Couldn’t come quick enough paperwork was filled out on the incident and finally it was the End of Tour. Cpl. Mai-Tai and Officer Zombie were seen driving down Metropolitan Avenue.

Here We Go Again

Cops Crack Brewery Heist

Detective Scotch Whiskey sauntered into the dimly lit bar, his trench coat billowing behind him like the cape of a noir hero. His partner, Officer Tequila Sunrise, sat at the bar, nursing a glass of her namesake drink.

"Scotch," she greeted him with a nod, her voice as smooth as the liquor she imbibed. "Tequila," Scotch replied, taking a seat next to her. "What's the buzz on the street?"

Tequila swirled her drink thoughtfully before answering. "Rum and Vodka got into a brawl down at the docks again. Seems Rum accused Vodka of diluting his reputation."

Scotch chuckled. "Those two never learn. Let's go break it up before they end up in a cocktail shaker."

They made their way to the docks, where Rum and Vodka were exchanging blows, their respective crews egging them on.

"Alright, break it up, you two!" Scotch bellowed, his authoritative voice cutting through the raucous scene. Rum and Vodka reluctantly stopped their scuffle, eyeing the detectives warily.

"What's the problem here?" Tequila demanded, her gaze piercing.

Rum took a swig straight from the bottle before replying, "This cheap vodka has been watering down my reputation for years! I won't stand for it anymore!"

Vodka scoffed. "Your reputation was already watered down, Rum! At least I have some bite!"

Before the argument could escalate further, Scotch intervened. "Enough! We've got bigger fish to fry than your petty squabble. There's been a theft at the brewery, and we need your help to crack the case."

Rum and Vodka exchanged a wary glance before nodding in agreement. Despite their rivalry, they knew when it was time to put aside their differences and join forces for the greater good.

With Rum, Vodka, Tequila, and Scotch working together, they soon unraveled the mystery behind the brewery theft, proving once again that even the most unlikely of alliances can yield potent results in the world of law enforcement. And as the sun set over the city, casting a golden glow over the skyline, the four detectives raised a toast to teamwork, camaraderie, and a job well done.

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