Why You Shouldn't Start Dating

I wrote an article a few months ago about dating before your divorce is final. It included reasons why you may want to, along with reasons why you shouldn’t. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, you can check it out here.

That being said, now that the paperwork is completed, and your divorce is final, you may not want to jump right back into the dating pool. Even if you feel ready, you may want to take some time before you start looking for someone to spend some time with.

Here are some reasons why you might not want to date after your divorce.

You should never start dating until you are ready. As your life changes, you need to give yourself time to grieve over the loss of your marriage, and what you envisioned for the future.

You also need to take time to figure out why your marriage failed so that you can work on yourself. Too many people jump right into another relationship without figuring out what went wrong. If you don’t work on yourself, you are going to make the same mistakes over and over. You may even get remarried and divorced for a second (or third) time!

Your ex-spouse may fight you for parenting time. If your ex-spouse finds out that you are dating again (especially if you are in a new relationship), he or she may fight for more parenting time. He or she may not feel like you are spending enough quality time with the children because you are too worried about your new relationship.

Your ex-spouse may not want you to introduce anyone to your children, meaning that you are forced to choose between time spent with your children and your new partner. Instead of bringing everyone together, you can only see your new partner when you don’t have the children (which may only be a few evenings a month).

Your children also need time to heal from the divorce. Many children struggle with stress and anxiety during and after the divorce. Your first priority should be helping them through this traumatic time, not looking for someone to spend time with. Once your children seem to be doing better, you may be able to focus on dating. Otherwise, they should be your first priority.

If you date too soon, your children may think that you were the cause of the divorce. If they think that you started dating too soon, they may think that you were seeing this person behind everyone’s back. They may start to blame you for the divorce.

They may also reject a new person in your life if you introduce them too soon. Many second marriages fail because the children don’t accept their stepparent.

You also need to think about your family and friends. Right now, you need the support of your family and friends. You may lose a few friends during the divorce because, ultimately, most friends feel like they have to pick sides during the divorce. For this reason, you don’t want to push anyone away.

If you start dating too soon, they may also start to blame you when it comes to the divorce. They may also feel like dating is your first priority, not them. In fact, they may feel a lot of the same things that your children do.

Though you may have been lonely in your marriage and can’t wait to start dating, the truth is that you shouldn’t rush into it! You need to take time to grieve the loss of your marriage and the life that you envisioned for yourself. You also need to figure out what happened so that you don’t make the same mistakes in your next relationship.

You also have to be careful with your children’s feelings. They should be your priority because their whole lives have also changed, and they need to lean on you more than ever. They may also be very hurt and blame you for the divorce if you start dating right away. Your friends and family may also feel the same way!

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Previously published on Medium and/or Newsbreak.