Why So Many Choose Lonely Over Being In A Relationship

Problem #1

Please don't hate me for being honest, but women killed their reputations with men, and it's been an ongoing shift for a long, long, long time. How we got here is a question for the psychological community to answer once they find psychologists that aren't so liberal; they refuse to factor in things like societal change, America's moral decline, and the effect of the women's rights movement.

Let's start with a personally observed story that unfolded and cemented years of what was already apparent. I'll focus on the interworkings and nuances of relationships and why men have chosen to stay single longer. It speaks to the attitudes of some women, in fact, a great many, and it contradicts what they say to their other halves.

Ten years into a couple's relationship, one that was rife with problems due to her insecurities, mental health issues, and his history, as she was getting a second chance after being proven to be untrustworthy and a six-month separation, something unthinkable happens. As I listened to him talk, he took her back because he missed her, and as he put it, "She's the only thing in my world that doesn't drive me to think about suckstarting a shotgun."

That's when he got sick. Before he knew it, doctors were permanently camped out in his insides, and he was dealing with the effects of toxic chemicals meant to keep him alive. Then came the debilitating effects.

She professed her undying love for the man, right up until the debilitating effects. Slowly, as he could no longer do certain things for her due to the medications and was dealing with both the mental and physical strain of a catastrophic health diagnosis, she edged herself away from him. He didn't want her to see him that way, but she didn't put up a fight, or for that matter try.

In high school, an older friend I probably shouldn't have been hanging around with anyway shared some wisdom that I've noticed is true. To modernize his advice, it would be a quote something along the lines of this:

Brad Pitt could walk into a nightclub, and if nobody wants to go home with him, he's going home alone unless he commits a crime. Rosie O'Donnel could walk into a bar on a moderately busy night, and someone would go home with her if she waited long enough.

-A difference between men and women.

Women have always had the power!

No matter what you say, guys or ladies that disagree, women have always held the power. Look at Hillary Clinton, the only woman to run the country for eight years and then try to do it again later. Do any of you think Bill had the power? Look at him and ask if you've seen such a beaten man.

The case of the ill man and the woman also illustrates what happens when the ideas of "til death do us part" and "honor and cherish" disappear from long-term relationships. There are reasons it worked; in many cases, it worked well for our grandparents.

Problem #2

Unrealistic expectations are a real problem that both sides suffer. Men, in particular, seem to be more bothered by this than women. What does that mean? It means men are tired of not knowing what to expect from women. I'm sure the same is true of women.

How do two people expect to make a relationship work, much last get out of the honeymoon phase, if they don't have realistic expectations of the other? As much as it hurts to be alone, because humans aren't meant to be lonely forever without it affecting our mental health, there's been a common problem in the dating scene for as long as anyone can remember.

Only men need to be loved, sweetheart. Women need to be wanted.

-Katey Sagal (Gemma talking to Nero, Sons of Anarchy)

On the show, Gemma is crazy, but she has a handle on relationships. Knowing what the other needs is important, perhaps the second most important thing in a relationship. What's first, and usually where a problem starts?

Not getting to know the real person before it gets serious, and then wanting to:

1. Change them

2. Get them to change

No, ladies, you can't easily change a "bad boy" any more than a guy can tame a wildhearted "harlot!"

Everyone's been there, but the trick to fixing this is patience. Meeting someone great, other than that one nagging problem, is what everyone faces at some point in their dating lives, but when you fall for someone who's "messy" or "complicated," there are only two options.

1. Run like hell!

2. Be patient enough you can stand the tests of time with them and show them you're worth changing for, then hope they choose to do that because they love you more than themselves.

Those are two very strong problems in relationships. Women haven't exactly done themselves any favors in the dating pool, as their overall reputation isn't what it used to be. Men aren't patient when it comes to not being alone and without love. We're either in the pool, or we'll get out, some not going in again for years, and others stop getting in the dating pool forever.

Truthfulness, till death do you part, honoring the person you're with, all need to be reinstalled in the relationship mix. Be patient, guys, and get to know her a little better to see if she's going to love you forever. And ladies, slow it down. You're making moves at breakneck speeds will only lead to you getting hurt and disappointing that guy you think you have to have when you find months later that their problems aren't something you can live with.

The truth about all the people in the dating pool is that they're imperfect. Sometimes, don't you wish someone could love you despite your imperfections before they try to change you? Everybody wants to be loved for who they are.