Why Do You Want to Be In a Relationship?

We’ve all met that someone who seemed like Ryan Gosling, a complete stud, and months later, we start to feel annoyed with everything about them.

Does it mean these guys are horrible people?

Not really!

The problem is they just didn’t match our frequency anymore.

When you meet someone for the first time, things are great. Your brain is filled with all the feel-good chemicals — dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins — paints a picture of a person want them to be.

You think he/she’s the best thing that has ever happened to you.

But when these chemicals fade, you feel different, and you think he/she has changed, while in reality, they have always been the same.

Now instead of accepting the reality, you convince yourself that things will get better. That you will feel that original spark again. You hold on to an illusion because of one or two benefits you are getting from them.

Why you stay in bad relationships

Most of the dating decisions we make are for selfish reasons. Deep down, we know that person doesn’t make us happy, yet, we stay with them.

If this is you, you’re definitely not alone in this, but you should know that this isn’t really the best way to go about things, but here are some common reasons we intentionally date people we do not love.

1. You want a good distraction when you are bored.

A relationship should make you happy, rather than just being a placeholder. While some people are cool with being single, others would rather be in a shitty relationship than be lonely.

Sometimes, neediness, loneliness, lack of independence, or straight-up boredom drives us to settle with people we do not love.

2. You don’t like the pressure of meeting people

A dating hunt can be stressful. Leaving your current relationship will require dressing up, going out, mingling, and building connections with other people.

For someone who hates going out, this can be an arduous task. Instead, you will settle for less than you deserve.

3. Your standards are too high

Look, I know there are people out there whose standards are too high, but if what you’re looking for is “a funny, feminist, intelligent, cool person,” trust me, that shit isn’t too high.

Although, it’s hard to find someone who matches your exact preferences.

Some people get frustrated after waiting so long and experiencing multiple failed relationships with people they think are perfect for them. So they give up their standards to be with someone they don’t love.

4. You are just looking for a fling to pass the time

Do I see myself getting married to the guy who threw up at three different locations in my apartment during the course of a night?

No, strangely, I do not. But he makes delicious ravioli with mushrooms.

As an alpha male or female, if you see yourself attracted to that cute chef with no morals, that’s a clear definition for settling for less.

5. You don’t want to hurt them

I know it may sound cowardly to ghost people. It’s not easy to look someone in the eyes and tell them they aren’t good enough for you.

And it takes so much time and energy. Sometimes I just wait until they do something truly terrible before I can muster up the courage to leave. Otherwise, I either friend zone or ghost them.

6. You are desperate to partner up

You’ve only been on one date together, and you’re already talking about the future. Specifically, you say something like “I imagine marrying you.”

You tell them your deepest awful experience without even knowing whether they’re trustworthy.

It’s exhausting being in a relationship with someone desperate for love, but we stay with them anyway.

7. You are depressed living alone

When you’re feeling sad or depressed, you’ll kind of put up with anything because you feel like garbage anyway.

Truthfully, you know you shouldn’t be dating anyone right now, but you still date, not minding the pressure on the other party. I mean it’s much better to be with anyone than spend day after day crying by yourself.

Love is one of the things that cannot be rushed, and that includes your readiness to do so. There is nothing wrong with taking the time and really embracing who you are before getting into a relationship.

You know what you deserve. Don’t settle for someone less. When you date someone who is below your standards, you are settling for less than you deserve.

Published on Medium