Why are they great until they gotta be great?

Lizzo said it best. Why men great until they gotta be great? But I like to use they. Because lets face it, people suck with it comes to dating. We live in a world of instant gratification. Swipe left...swipe right. Order food, pay the extra $20 fees for UberEats. Watch a good Netflix show...and maybe "chill." But what happens after that. Maybe text the person the next day to say you had a good and should do it again...and never do it again. On the next. Swipe left...swipe right, and repeat the whole process again. This has been my experience for the past two years. Which brings me to Valentines day. I have been single for 2 years now and the idea of valentines day is giving me so many flashbacks of my relationship. During that relationship, I never had a decent valentines day date. Our valentines day dates ended up in an arguments, walking down the streets of Manhattan and riding silently on the subway. But other than that holiday, we were good. We enjoyed each others company, and went out cute regular dates. Movies, dinner, and a Broadway show here and there. But if our regular dates were so great, then why was Valentines day the worst day for us? Was it the pressure to express our love with materialistic values? We would give each other random gifts through out the year to show that we were thinking of each other. So the idea of trying to find a specific Valentine's day felt awkward. I know people say "Everyday should feel like Valentine's Day." It's corny but I somewhat agree. If I love my partner every day, then what difference does it make on Valentine's Day? I guess the same could be said about Anniversaries. But anniversaries are special because you are celebrating the day you decided to be together for the rest of your life. You care celebrating the love that you have for one another. What exactly is Valentine's day celebrating?

Scrolling through social media and looking at couples showing their #valentinesdaychallenge posts makes me want to toss my phone in the toilet. I'm happy for my friends that have long term happy relationships, but at the same time I'm not in the mood. I hope I'm not sounding like a Valentine's day Grinch. Don't get me wrong. I love the idea of love, and happy relationships, and spending a life time with someone. I just don't think Valentine's day truly captures that feeling.

I would be lying to you if I said I wasn't a hopeless romantic and that the Holidate didn't give me feels. I hope to have a happy relationship one day buuuut these are the times that I embrace my singleness and say "I am single...but I'm not lonely.'' Because I would rather be single than be in a relationship where I am not loved. Last year taught me how to be comfortable with myself. Prior to COVID, I was constantly meeting different people through dating apps and going on countless of meaningless dates. Nothing good came out it. I spent way more money than I should have, and lost interests faster than my bank account depleted. So this year, due to social distancing I decided that it would be best to stay inside. I started cooking more. But not just cooking, but cooking food that I loved. I started exercising because I cared more about my myself. I was taking care of myself for MYSELF.

So this Valentines day I'm saying I love myself. I love myself more than anyone else could. My anti-valentines day playlist consists of songs that make me feel strong and say I love myself, and forget anybody that doesn't. Period.

1. Lizzo- Truth Hurts

2. Beyonce- Sorry

3. Dua Lipa- New Rules

4. TLC- No Scrubs

5. Halsey- Without Me