When Does Growth Happen?

Growth is when we tolerate the resistance to change instead of using it as a reason not to do it.

Growth is when we tolerate the sadness around an ending instead of using it as a reason to go back.

Growth is when we tolerate the discomfort around boundaries instead of using it as a reason not to set them.

When we flip through these, we see a pattern. A pattern of learned responses to how we meet our feelings. And when we are able to notice this pattern, we can create space between feeling them and acting on them.

The hardest part about change is managing resistance. It can feel so incredibly hard that we procrastinate at all costs. Hoping that tomorrow we won’t feel it. Hope that eventually, it will get easier to do. Until we accept our barrier to creating change, it is about our relationship with resistance

The hardest part about an ending is sitting in the grief. It can feel so painful we start to consider we made the wrong choice. Hoping that either the pain goes away quickly. Hoping that we can numb for a bit and it will go away. Until we accept our barrier to letting go, it is about our relationship with pain.

The hardest part about setting boundaries is tolerating the discomfort. It can be so unbearable that we avoid them at all costs. Hoping the people on the other end will change instead. Hoping the discomfort will one day fade. Until we accept our barrier to setting boundaries, it is about our relationship with discomfort.

Growth is all about trying to look for new avenues so you can explore uncharted terrains and continue to accomplish more and in the process become a better person, professional, and more successful in all aspects of life.

Our triggers sort of jolt us into paying attention. They bring out our most unhealed, reactive selves. They trigger us into the same age emotionally that we were when we were wounded. But the goal isn’t to get rid of all triggers, they aren’t our enemy- they are a highlighting pathway to heal.

There is so much to be discovered in our triggers. It’s where we learn our boundaries because we feel when they have been crossed. It’s where we learn our values because we feel when we are out of alignment with ourselves.

It’s where we notice our codependent traits because we notice when we completely self abandon. It’s where we uncover wounds being projected onto others and step into self-reflection. And those discoveries help us uncover parts of us that lead us directly towards healing and growth.

Growth comes from seeing ourselves with an honest lens. If we struggle to self-reflect, we likely struggle with our relationship to our shame. Because our challenges are too enmeshed with our own worth.

See, everyone experiences shame when they self-reflect. If we meet our shame with compassion, we can self-reflect without it threatening our worth. If we cannot face our shame, we will struggle with accountability as it’s too close to our worth.

If we meet our shame with more shame, we lose our capacity to self-reflect. And if we meet shame with ego, we might get defensive in an effort to defend our worthiness.

The foundation of growth is the relationship we have and form with our own shame.

Growth feels different when we are growing from a place of love.

When accountability becomes an act of love.

When grace for the non-linear loops of growth fills in the gaps.

Growth feels different when we soften toward our inevitable resistance to change.

When we remind ourselves that we can try again tomorrow, and we are still worthy today.

Growth feels different when it’s rooted in love.