What to Do When an Ex Comes Back

I hear a lot of men ask if getting back with their ex is worth the shot. My twenty-something-year-old self would have said a big ‘NO’ on that thought.

I used to think exes should remain in the past, probably because I had miserable exes back then.

Now, my perception is different. I have broken up on good terms with men who adored me. And if they were to come back for a second chance, I may be willing to give us a chance again.

In fact, I was recently contacted by an ex who meant a lot to me. I was a grown-up immature, selfish girl who was all about her career, and that love was a distraction for me.

We have been split for eight years. I broke his heart and felt horrible, but I needed that break.

Part of me was happy when we split. I focused on my career in order to move on and forgot about him over the years.

About a month ago, I got a surprising call that left me speechless. He confessed that he’s not over me and probably won’t ever be because he is still very much in love with me.

It really got to me. I started remembering how I missed him when thoughts of him flashed my mind.

He is someone I can count on to be there for me no matter what. He’s everything I need, yet I seem to be drawn to more masculine men.

Before meeting him again, I decided to work on my emotions because I was conflicted about my feelings.

As awkward as it was, seeing him staring at me throughout the evening, I felt that love I once had run through my veins.

I thought it was odd, and downplayed my excitement. Now we text back and forth and visit each other when we are free. But he’s thinking about moving to Texas to be closer to me.

I’m totally freaked out about his decision. I’m not sure I want to commit to any long-term relationship right now, but I feel comfortable whenever I’m around him.

Gradually, we are reconnecting our lost attraction, and it feels unbelievably amazing.

Should you get back with an ex?

I’m sure you are curious to know what I did to get this place of euphoria with my ex.

Before I get into that, I’d like to mention that is not every past relationship should be rekindled.

If your ex was an abusive person, the best thing you can do is to let that relationship go. Okay!

But, if your ex was very nice and nothing major happened that caused the split, you can consider going back to such an ex.

Most of my past relationships weren’t toxic. I usually disappear on them out of the blue.

Sometimes there was no fight or trouble. One day I may feel bored, and I stop calling or texting them. I cut off without any reason.

So if the ex decides to return back to my life, I’ll be more inclined to take him back, but it were an abusive relationship, I wouldn’t take him back.

There are a lot of people out there who would want to make the world turn for you. So don’t ever think that one ex is all the good you can possibly get in this lifetime.

Don’t go accepting back people who treated you miserably. It will make them see you as desperate and insecure.

However, if you decide to take your ex back, you must be emotionally and physically ready to give to make the relationship work.

Be emotionally prepared

Before you decide you want your ex back, you should be clear about your feeling for them. Ask yourself what changed for you while they were gone? What is it about you now that wasn’t there before?

Until you know deep down within yourself how you feel about your ex, it will best you stay away from reclaiming them.

Nobody wants to be burdened by the partner’s past baggage. Your ex probably doesn’t want something that you used to do before to happen in the new relationship.

The fact that he wants you back doesn’t mean he will actually accept everything as it used be. You have to find out from him what it was that you used to do that he did not like.

Understanding what worked and didn’t in the past can help you sort out your feelings properly.

If it’s something that you can give up for him, then work on it. But if you can’t, that could be a sign you will regret getting back together.

What do you expect from him

Some exes can be obsessive. It could be that he’s coming back to you because he can’t get the idea that you are with somebody else out of his head.

Before you decide to get back to your ex, you have to communicate your expectations.

If he wasn’t an affectionate person before, you have to let him know that you expect him to be more emotionally involved this time around.

If it’s a long-term expectation like getting married, having children, or just being cohabitating partners, let him know before entering a commitment you won’t honor.

And while you’re discussing your expectations, he also needs to clarify his intentions. His expectation of you may not be something you can live up to, and that’s fine.

But knowing what you both expect of each will save you time and probably money that will be spent on dates and gifts.

If you think your expectation of each other don’t fall on the same page, you may be better off staying as just friends.

So don’t be in a hurry to return to your ex simply because he was nice to you. You have been away from each other for a while, and things will be different.

When you know what you two intend to bring to the table and what you can compromise, you have a better chance of making the relationship work.

Bring out your feminine power

Most women have no idea how powerful they are. Women have a strong aura that can attract anyone and make them fall in love with them.

If your ex wants you back, it’s probably because he sees the power you possess, because why else will he want you back, right?

So you have to make sure that you are at the top of your game by working on your mind and body.

When you spice up your feminine powers — that love and affection you have for yourself will make him compromise anything you tell him that could derail the relationship.

I’m not telling you to force yourself on him. It’s just natural for men to be attracted to more feminine women.

Some feminine powers you should work on are nurturing, intuitive, emotional, and supportive. These qualities are often associated with caring for others, artistic creativity, healing, and magnetizing what one wants in their life.

Meditation and yoga are two exercises that can spice up your feminine prowess.

As you meditate, you release the negative energy that compromises positive ones.

You need to feel at peace and comfortable with your life without a partner before you can bring in someone else into it.

Do not settle because he says he still loves you and forget about setting your boundaries or expectations. You have to know you possess what it takes to be loved and valued within you and be confident in that thought.

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About author

Jessey Anthony is a motivational speaker, fitness coach and relationship expert who helps people become confident in themselves in any challenges they face in life. Sign up to my newsletter & more cool stuff.

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