What Really Happens When We Love

Love!

This word truly resonates with me. For me, it is the most powerful word, perhaps even the greatest of all.

I believe life cannot exist without love.

Love, affection, empathy and compassion are the warmth that sustains the human spirit.

Relationships between two people cannot be imagined without the expression of love and compassion.

Love is not defined by romance alone. Let us dig into the science of love and explore how it shapes our bonds with family, friends, partners, and how it nourishes our happiness, health, and even our survival.

It’s February, and everyone is talking about love. Can we call this month ‘the season of love’?

Everyone knows that ‘February 14’ is widely celebrated as Valentine’s Day.

In today’s world, it has become a major occasion. Young people everywhere take part in different activities to celebrate it.

I think this is largely the influence of globalisation. When we were growing up, there was no particular day set aside just for expressing love. Nobody in our time had even heard of Valentine’s Day. There was no culture of proposing, and things like Rose Day, Hug Day, or Kiss Day simply didn’t exist.

Of course, affection and love always existed. People did fall in love, but it was often silent and hidden from society.

Maybe there were many societies where traditions like ‘Valentine’s Day’ existed.

There is an indigenous community in Nepal known as the ‘Newars’. Their place of origin is Kathmandu, the capital of Nepal. The community is rich in food culture. They even have their own ‘love day’ or local version of Valentine’s Day, known as ‘Matina Paru’, which they celebrate in the first week of December.

In the old days, boys and girls were not allowed to meet freely or express their love. In Nepali culture, people usually do not talk openly about love, sex and death, even today.

One special day of the year, they would visit neighbouring homes to collect a special type of bread called Yomari. This day, known as ‘Yomari Puni’, became an opportunity for them to see each other. The word ‘Puni’ means full moon day. When they met, they could arrange a time and place for dating. But nowadays this tradition is slowly disappearing.

What actually matters in love and relationships?

Is there such a thing as destiny in love? Someone special or a soulmate who is just meant for you?

There is a belief that one day, along the journey of life, you will meet your soulmate, and that you will spend the rest of your life with him/ her.

There is also a belief in ‘love at first sight’. But to me, love is not magic; it is a skill. To sustain love and relationships, you need commitment. You will never meet someone who is completely perfect or fully compatible with you. Because everyone in this world is different. Every person is unique in their own way.

When you are just casual partners, your weaknesses and shortcomings may not become issues. But once you start living together, you will inevitably encounter many differences, disagreements and challenges.

Your skills will be tested at this point; how you handle the situation or how you choose to respond.

This is where acceptance matters. You need to accept your partner along with their weaknesses or incompatibilities. If you can learn to cope with these differences, you will win, or the relationship will work. Both partners need to understand and embrace this reality.

What is the science behind love?

We often think that making a partner feel special or truly appreciated requires a big surprise, such as trips to Paris. But actually, it doesn’t.

According to Jacqui Gabb, Professor of Sociology and Intimacy at The Open University, thoughtful and kind gestures like serving a cup of tea in bed matter far more. Picking wildflowers and placing them in a vase, sharing a private smile at a party, can be more powerful than grand romantic gestures. In her survey, 22% of mothers and 20% of childless women chose these small gestures over big nights out or expensive gifts when asked what made them feel most valued.

What physiological changes occur in our body when we are engaged in love with someone, or even with other living beings? In reality, love triggers a series of biological or emotional responses within us.

Leiszle Rae Lapping-Carr, an expert in sex and relationships at Northwestern Medicine, says, “Activities that bring you pleasure lead neurotransmitters in your brain to pursue that reward again and again.”

According to her, ‘love happens less in the heart and more in the brain, where hormonal releases and brain chemicals are triggered. Dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin are the key neurotransmitters that create feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. When you are with someone you care about, you naturally feel good, and your brain encourages you to repeat that action again and again.

Love is not limited to romance; its meaning is much broader. In fact, love has many dimensions. It exists between family members, between friends, and within the wider community.

Love also carries a meaning of responsibility, passion, empathy and many other qualities.

We show love to pets and animals, to plants, and even to nature itself.

How much love and care do you give to the plants inside your home?

I remember having a Ficus plant in my room when I lived in a student house.

Later, when I moved to my own house. I wasn’t sure whether to bring it along or throw it away. But, in the end, I couldn’t throw it away even though it was too old and withered. For the first time, I realised what it meant to feel attachment to a living being other than a human.

People also love nature. I have friends who literally jumped with excitement when they once saw the majestic Himalayas so close in front of their eyes. Standing before such a giant, snow-covered mountain feels truly amazing.

Happy reading. Cheers!

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(This story was originally published on Medium.com)