What Moving in With My Boyfriend at 19 Has Taught Me
A Guide to Young Love
There’s a lot of stigma that goes around when it comes to relationships these days, about how they should progress, when to appropriately call your relationship “serious,” and when to make big decisions with the person you love. But that’s all a bunch of BS. Here are some of the things I’ve learned since I moved in with my boyfriend at 19-years-old.
1. You’re going to lose a lot of friends.
Even if you think it won’t happen to you, it will. Especially if you’re young like me. At this point in your life, everybody you know is moving at different paces. Some people are still partying and tindering, some people are settling down, some people don’t even know what they want to do yet. And that’s okay. If you care about those people, I’ve realized it’s just the best to let them find their place while you find yours. There shouldn’t be any shame in that; we’re all young and need time and space to gather ourselves.
2. You’ll need to have 'the talk' with yourself.
No matter how responsible you think you are to begin with, everything changes once you move in with your significant other. In any household, you have to pull your weight, and that can be stressful. You have to realize that this is the real world now, with bills, responsibilities, long hours, and it’s scary as hell. But, if you motivate yourself to work hard, sacrifice, share, provide, and commit, everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.
3. Be realistic about decorating.
I thought that when my boyfriend and I moved into our apartment that it would be everything I dreamed. I would decorate it perfectly with beautiful furniture, and big TV, a nice dining room for when we have friends over, and a bedroom with two closets. Wrong. If you’re not as financially fortunate (like me), you will find that when you first move in, you won’t have a lot to work with. It’ll hurt because you had this image in your head that isn’t coming to life as you would have hoped. But I swear, just give it time. Start with the necessities and go from there. If you’re responsible, think logically, and budget; you will get there piece by piece.
4. Learn to compromise.
It seems like a given, but it’s really important. When you move in with your significant other, you have to realize that you’re there for someone else now. It’s not like being a parent of course, but you have to realize that that person counts on you now, and you have to be there when they need you. It’s much different than just being in a relationship where you don’t live together because now there are so many other things intertwined and wrapped around your relationship that need your participation. Learn to give up some of your luxuries, to ensure that you can be there for the one that needs you.
5. Don’t let the finances get in the way.
When they tell you that the biggest factor in breakups is money, they ain’t lyin’! Like I said before, if you’re not well of in terms of money, there will be some points where you struggle. Where it’s hard to make ends meet, even at a young age. All of this responsibility is flying at you and you don’t know how to handle it. But don’t let it ruin the relationship. Even when it’s hard, you have to find a way to communicate with your significant other, and to push through the hard times together, instead of letting the hard times push through you.
After living with my boyfriend for almost six months, this is my advice to all the young couples out there just trying to make it. Although there can be bumps in the road, true love prospers. Some people will think that you’re crazy for making this big decision at a young age, but my advice is to do it if it feels right. Don’t let stigmas and standards surrounding relationships dictate your life. Go for it.