What is your Dating Risk Tolerance?
What is your value?
A few years back, I met this great guy online. One of those ideal guys...you know the ones? They look really good on paper and then actually live up to your expectation, when you meet them in person!
Oh, he checked off ALL the boxes:
Tall (he was 6’4”…well, I imagine he still is)
…and on and on it goes, right?!?! (Yes, I have a list! Come on now, we all do, in one form or another.)
Well, everything seemed to be going swimmingly (we met on POF, after all)…and then, after only 4 days, he professed his love for me! Yes, I said 4 days, not dates. Not that 4 dates would have been much better.
HIM: “I’m in love with you!”
ME: “No, you’re not.”
Him: “Yes, I am.”
ME: “You hardly know me.”
HIM: “I feel like I’ve known you all my life.”
ME: “That doesn’t mean you’re in love with me, Hun.”
HIM: “I’ve never been able to talk to anyone like I can talk to you.”
ME: “Ok, I believe that, but that still doesn’t mean you’re in love with me.”
HIM: “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, I’m in love with you.”
ME: “…if you say it again, I’m going to have to stop seeing you.”
Suffice it to say, I’ve never backed out of a room so quickly in my life!
I wish I could tell you the drama ended there, but alas it did not.
After a couple weeks of endless texts, begging me to reconsider my position, with little to no response from me, a few days passed and I hadn’t heard from him. I was thinking he had finally moved on, but no…he found me again online and told me that his roommate had confiscated his phone and deleted my number, so he’d stop texting me! He actually asked for my number again. Hmmm, yeah, not so much!
I tell you this story, to demonstrate the habit so many of us have, of getting invested in a potential relationship far too quickly. I am not immune, I’ve done it myself…once! ;)
Now, imagine with me, if you will, you have $1M to invest, would you invest the entire $1M in the shiniest new company on Wall Street, with little to no demonstrated revenue growth or without checking the bottom line? Of course you wouldn’t, because it’s too high of risk. You may invest a minimal amount initially, but surely wait until the company had a proven track record and, in the meantime, watch its performance closely and do the appropriate research, before investing big.
I’m sure we can all agree, it is prudent to begin new financial ventures with some degree of caution, and dating is no different. Just like investing is a complex process of analyzing your personal financial situation and balancing it against your goals and objectives, to determine your risk tolerance, one can approach dating in much the same manner.
What is your risk tolerance when it’s your heart you’re investing? Is your heart worth $1M? What is your risk capital? How much of your heart are you willing to invest initially, to avoid total devastation, if you experience a loss? What are your investment objectives? Do you have clarity regarding the person or relationship you are seeking?
The next time you meet that seemingly ideal person online, or go on a first date, or even a second or third, simply relax and enjoy the process, stay open to the possibilities, but don’t invest your heart so quickly or deeply! Remember, in the event things turn out less than ideal, it’s easier to recover from minimal investment. As a matter of fact, consider diversifying your dating portfolio. Spreading your risk around decreases your overall exposure to any single investment. With appropriate diversification, the probability of total loss is greatly reduced. This comes back to the preservation of capital.
Perhaps you’re already invested, but you’re seeing red flags. For example; you’re feeling disrespected. Well, my lovelies, if you feel disrespected, you’re likely being disrespected. I know it’s not easy to walk away from a situation you’ve invested your heart in, but when you stay, you’re telling yourself that the situation, or the other person in the situation, is more valuable than you are. And we both know that’s not the case, don’t we?
When you lay your head on your pillow tonight, I want you to ask yourself this question:
“What is my value?”
And then I want you to answer yourself:
“Self, you are precious, you are significant, you are like no other and you are loved!”
If you don’t believe yourself, then I want you to repeat this question and answer period, every night, until you do!