What Is the Best Way to Communicate with Your Daughter When You Find Out She’s a Lesbian?

My daughter is a lesbian - what can I do? As stated in the next article, suspecting that your son or daughter has a different sexual orientation is a difficult challenge for parents. You don't know how to react (apart from being sad or angry), you don't know how to find out the truth for sure, you don't know what to tell her and how to deal with her…

Why do you suspect and think "my daughter is a lesbian - what can I do"? As in the case of boys, there are certain signs, behavioral symptoms that make you suspect this.

She probably preferred boy games as a child, she had a more energetic, direct, masculine behavior. She probably has a lot of boyfriends, but she didn't have a boyfriend and she doesn't seem interested in boys in that sense. You have found strange pictures or movies and he has a very close friend, with whom he behaves strangely…

My daughter is a lesbian - what can I do:

Don't jump to conclusions. Girls can be confused in adolescence, they may think they are different just because they have certain sexual fantasies and because they admire another girl. But that doesn't mean she's a lesbian!

Because homosexuality has been talked about in recent years, she can conclude that she is also a lesbian, just because she likes a girl. But, as with boys, everything will be clear only with physical and emotional maturity.

Fascination. In girls, it is different than in boys. A lesbian girl in adolescence is viewed with interest, as being special, attractive, she is even admired and desired by boys! Girls know what effect it has on boys to imagine and see two girls kissing, so your daughter may pretend or even imagine that she is a lesbian just out of a desire to be different, to exercise fascination, to feel different, to attract attention.

She sees that it has an effect (good or bad) on everyone and this encourages her. If so, it's just a phase - when she falls in love with a boy, her lesbian tendencies will change.

Like a boy. If you suspect that your daughter is a lesbian just because she doesn't have a boyfriend and is acting boyish, that's not a clear sign. Behavior is influenced by how she was raised and the entourage rather than sexual orientation. Some boyish girls still like boys, just as there are lesbians who are not boyish, but even feminine and delicate!

Find out. And in this case, it is necessary to inform you correctly about what lesbianism entails, about the life of a lesbian, about the fact that your daughter, even if she is a lesbian, is not abnormally physically and mentally, but only socially!

In other times, lesbianism was considered normal, so society decides what is and what is not normal. But you have to get rid of judgments and stereotypes as much as you can to be parents, not judges.

Discussion. Be prepared to answer her questions - she may be confused and have a calm discussion. The girl may go to her father, so it is important that you both talk to each other, think about what you can tell her without hurting, insulting, or alienating her. It is a delicate situation and it is difficult for you, but there is no point in offending her or believing that you can cure her.

It is as it is - whatever you do will not work. All you can solve - for example, through therapy - is for her to understand that she will never be accepted as she is and will try to pretend and repress her orientation. But it never helps, it's like asking her to cut out a part of her personality, because she's not good enough for you.

Do you have any idea what it is like to tell your child that he is bad, abnormal, immoral, that he has completely disappointed you, and that he is not good enough? You destroy her self-esteem and destroy your relationship. Even if you feel disappointed, sad, angry, trying to control your emotions and over time, the waters will calm down and you will be able to judge clearly, you will be able to see that she is, in fact, the same child.

Will she tell you she's a lesbian? Then the first thought is "my daughter is a lesbian - what can I do"? All you can do is tolerate as much as you can. Even if he tells you, it may not be true - maybe it's all from the intention of being special, unique, to get your attention and even annoy you!

So, if you overreact, you can have two results: if it's just imagination, encourage it, and if it's reality, get rid of it. A calm discussion, in which you ask him questions, you explain to him that in adolescence everyone wonders at some point if they are gay, in which you prepare to accept the truth. Nobody says you have to like it, but parental duty implicitly includes tolerating, accepting children with all their mistakes and flaws. And if you consider it a mistake, a defect, immorality - you don't have to tell her that, because you will lose her.

Unfortunately, there are many cases in which parents and children do not talk to each other all their lives because their parents could not tolerate them. That's what you want - no, but sometimes you can't help but control yourself in a situation like this! So get ready, cheer each other up and do your best to see your baby in this teen who announces that she is a lesbian.

And if for the first time you react badly, you look angry, sad, disappointed, take time to think, calm down, inform, analyze and then try a new discussion in which to reconnect with your daughter.

If she hides? When you look intolerant, angry, disappointed, you can persuade her to pretend and tell you that it was all a lie. But she's still a lesbian.

What's going to happen? She will try to please you, she will find a boy to marry just so that you will be satisfied. And she will live in a lie, unhappy and unsatisfied - as long as the marriage lasts. There are many such cases and a woman can never have a happy life. Try not to provoke, with your disappointment, your daughter's unhappiness…