What Is a Relationship?

“A relationship is based on honesty and communication,” said Charlotte York, the famous romantic optimistic character from Sex and the City. I could not agree more with this. Many people have their own definition of a relationship and how they think it should work, but what they don’t realize is that what might work for you, might not work for somebody else.

I have spent a lot of time third wheeling since I was a teenager. I am what a friend jokingly said “always the bridesmaid never the bride.” Thanks to all of those years and hours I’ve spent hanging out and analyzing other people’s relationships, I knew what I did not want the day I ended up being in one. Even though I had never been a relationship, that did not make me insecure or naïve when it came to dealing with guys. My dad always felt very proud that I didn’t waste my time with boyfriends, he thought I was very focused on more important things.

I have a friend who is constantly telling me about her fights with her boyfriend. I have many friends who are constantly fighting with their boyfriends and they come to me to talk about it. If I had a dollar for every one of those friends, I would’ve already be the rich friend who takes them on a trip to forget about their fights. This specific friend always asks me, "Is this what happens in a normal and serious relationship?” “Isn’t he supposed to want to see me every day of the week?” “Is this normal?” “Do your other friends have these problems?”

What is a “normal and serious” relationship though? There isn’t an answer for that.

One day I was talking to my dad about my cousin’s wedding that I didn’t attend. I asked him, “Was it a cool wedding though?” My dad was like, “Oh it was an amazing wedding. Huge.” I asked for details because to me and many other girls details are important. “But was it classy or trashy? What food did they serve? Because to you, it could have been an awesome wedding but to me, it’s probably meh.” Then my dad told me something that I had never thought about before. “Well, it all depends on your perception of things. To you, it might be a meh wedding, but to me, it could be a beautiful one. And you know who is right, we are both right because we see things in a different way. Look at that Walgreens (we were in the car and we passed a Walgreens). To you, that can be an ugly Walgreens but to me, it could be great architecture. The way we see things is different but we are both right.”

This kind of thinking applies to everything in life, especially relationships. Something that might work for you doesn’t necessarily have to work for me, and that’s okay. It all depends on how you and your partner’s dynamic works.

I am in a serious relationship at the moment, and I am not entirely open about it because of the judgement I constantly receive over it. I am in a long distance relationship and people always tell me that it is never going to work. One of the most used sentences I hear is, “Well, what about in the future? Are you still going to be far away from each other? Where are you trying to get with this?”

LOL. I didn’t know I had to get anywhere, we often think about the future. We ask ourselves if we are going to marry the guy, whether he will cheat on us if the opportunity presents, wondering if he’ll still love us the next day. We tend to focus too much on something that has not happened yet instead of enjoying the now.

I was third wheeling the other day with my friend and her boyfriend. They had a brief breakup months ago and one time he was talking to me about their problems and trusting me with his issues and concerns. I told him about my boyfriend and stuff that he could relate to. This past week when I saw him I mentioned my boyfriend to him and he said, “You are still talking to that guy?! That isn’t a relationship!” He then went to say, “ Well is the relationship on Facebook?”

What? I’m sorry, I didn’t know that a relationship wasn’t official until it was “Facebook” official.

There are so many overly public relationships where the guy cheats on the girl and he has like ten other side chicks, but oh my god he just bought her a new purse and they posted a picture, they must be so in love.

What we see is not always what we get and because we tend to compare ourselves to other people, we want to compete.

“Well so and so’s boyfriend posts a lot of pictures with her. Why don’t you do the same? Well he got her flowers when he fucked up, why don’t you do that?”

Like I said before what works for you might not work for someone else, and that should be respected.

There are many couples who are in open relationships. They sleep with other people and they are both okay with that. Their equal agreement is that they are both allowed to sleep around, but they always come back to each other. There are relationships that include more than one person, and that’s okay. It all comes down to two things, honesty and communication.

When you are honest, and you communicate, it is easier to meet in between and build your trust. Listen to your partner, try to see where they are coming from, and listen to what they have to say and please don’t try to tell someone that their relationship isn’t a relationship because they are probably ten times happier than you.

Embrace your loved ones’ joy; if they are happy you probably should too because at the end of the day that is all that matters.

“One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure,” or something like that.