What did I let go in 2020?

Phewww,... What a year 2020 was? The world went through a lot, we went through a lot. A global pandemic, fight for equal rights, economic and political unsureness!... 2020 was a year full of uncertainties, despair, and suffering, but despite all that it was also a year where we learned to find hopes, longevity to better ourselves, and solidarity.

For me, 2020 was a year full of changes. It was a year to let go of people who didn't make efforts to stay. It was a year to focus on what I expected from myself and of course from people around me. It was a year-long enough to see within myself and decide what I wanted to leave behind and what I want to take to 2021. It was a year to set boundaries in friendships as well as relationships. But, how do we decide when to set boundaries? How do we set boundaries?

But first, why should we set boundaries? Simply because we all have limits. I decided to set boundaries because I was tired of being the “only emotional therapy providers” to my friends. Have you felt that way? Like, when you are the only one always checking on everyone's well-being, but no one even bothers asking if you are doing okay? Sometimes when I tried explaining how I was having a hard time because of COVID, but, it would turn into a competition of whose problems or suffering is bigger. My problems were always seen as inconsiderable compared to theirs. And thus, in conclusion, my hardships weren’t even big enough to talk about. Slowly, it became clear to me that I was the only one investing in our friendship. 2020 gave me tons of time to reflect on what I have been ignoring all these years.

I learned to say No as a complete sentence; No to being just an emotional support system. Setting boundaries allowed me to focus on myself, helped me conserve my emotional and mental energy, and most importantly it helped me feel safe and peaceful. I started my 2021 by saying no to friendships that breached my boundaries.

Setting boundaries is essential. We can set boundaries for our personal space, emotions and thoughts, time, energy, sexuality, and so on. Setting boundaries doesn’t and will not make you less attractive, but rather it will help you maintain your sanity. Because your desire for respect from your friends/ soulmate/ or even strangers is not outrageous. Do you want love? Do you want the same kind of attention you give to others? Do you want peace? Do you want comfort? you deserve it all. You are not asking for too much.

Understanding and navigating our own personal and emotional boundaries can be tough, but it is essential for our physical, mental, and emotional health. And of course, setting up boundaries for yourself, and honoring the boundaries of others is no rocket science. So start by determining your values, and your rights. Set clear rules in the family and among your friends. Assert your space when it comes to strangers. Be flexible with your boundaries because you don’t want to isolate yourself. Believe in your instincts because they can help you determine when your boundaries are being violated. Most importantly, never feel guilty about setting boundaries and never be afraid to walk away when you feel that your boundaries are not being respected.

I hope 2021 will be a year where we all shall succeed to set healthy boundaries for ourselves while also honoring those of others. I hope we all will find the courage to walk away from toxic relationships, just like I did by setting Boundaries.