What Are the Aspects of a Couple That Marriage Changes

What changes marriage? What changes occur in the relationship once you have declared to the world that you will love each other until old age? Is something changing in reality or just, after the step of formalizing the relationship, certain aspects become clearer, more open, come to light?

Watch a discussion between young people about what marriage changes in a relationship and you may be amazed by some opinions: for some (and not only men!), Marriage = captivity! Did you hear the reply: "In a relationship, if something doesn't suit you, you change or leave where you feel comfortable, but in marriage, you remain captive" ?!

Is that true? Stable couples who are not married do not face the same problems, quarrels, compromises, adjustments, giving up?

What changes marriage is often related to the feeling of obligation: if you used to please your partner because you wanted to and did certain things at home because you chose to do them, then they seem like an obligation! They were, of course, before an obligation and a necessary thing, but you had the illusion that you are free not to do them!

Just because you know now that you can't escape and that you "have to", a thing that didn't bother you much before becomes a real chore! For example, before, it seemed nice to cook for your boyfriend and you were really happy when he praised your work!

Before, you would gladly go to the market to buy your girlfriend what you needed and take the garbage with pleasure, because she asked for it and you made her happy! But now… now you think that you will always do this, until old age and it scares you or makes you jump! Nothing has changed except your way of looking at and processing the situation!

What does marriage change? THE ILLUSION of independence and freedom! But it is only an illusion: realistic people know that in any stable and long-lasting relationship, one cannot speak of total independence. You have a close, intimate relationship with another person, your lifestyle adapts to his / her and you as well.

Those who say that, with marriage, there is no longer I, YOU, but the only US is wrong for two reasons. First of all, any stable relationship involves a new one: the couple, the communion and the intimacy between the partners, the feeling of union. Secondly, no happy marriage involves the dissolution of personalities and does not turn the two partners into a kind of strange hybrid!

You remain a person with your traits, skills, beliefs, preferences, and ideas, sometimes different from each other! Ah, do you adapt and adopt from the other's ideas and preferences? We all do this in any relationship we are involved in!

Marriages in which one of the partners is completely transformed and his own opinions are not accepted are, indeed, a form of captivity, but also a bad joke! There are few such marriages because there are few people so weak, dependent, and influential as to be controlled and manipulated. And if that happens, it's their fault!

A normal marriage does not suddenly turn you into a slave unless you let it happen! Both partners must remember: DO NOT PUT THE OTHER ONE! Once you put the ring on his finger, it's not yours in the proper sense, it's just emotional! Once you bring him before the altar, you have no right to control him or annihilate his personality! Those who do not understand these things are the ones who are scared of the idea of ​​marriage.

So, does marriage change anything - apart from your legal status and that of potential children? Yes, but only if you let it change! Let's see what marriage changes:

Do you know the expression "I pull the cart by myself"? It happens in some marriages, once the relationship is formalized, that all responsibilities fall on one's shoulders! But only if he/she lets this happen! Once he has a wife in the house, some men pass all the responsibilities to her, because she is now a "wife"!

But this only happens if he is accustomed to it before: you always save him, you often say "let it go, darling, I do this" and you get used to it like that? This is how you will have it after marriage - then it will seem obvious to him that you will continue to do everything. On the other hand, in couples where the idea of ​​partnership and equality is not an abstraction, after marriage, the division of tasks generally remains the same as before!

What does marriage change? Do you know the expression: "once I have it in the house, I don't have to conquer it"? Big mistake! Many assume that if they are married, they will no longer have to make an effort to please and conquer the other! Men forget about appreciation, compliments, surprises, gifts. Women forget about silhouettes, clothes, arranged…

They just got what they wanted! It is a mistake: just because you are married and you will spend every day together, you have to make peace with each other, make the other happy, please him, show him how much you admire him and make little surprises! Precisely because she is close to you every day and she can get tired, you have to tell her how much you appreciate her, you need her and you love her!

Precisely because he is by your side every day and can get bored, you have to show him that you admire him and make yourself attractive to him! Not always and not daily - but regularly!

Basically, what else does marriage change? How to manage your budget! From now on, her money, his money, doesn't exist anymore, but you have a common budget! Problems can arise if you can't share the budget efficiently and by mutual agreement. It is not the person who earns the most who has the right to make decisions or the person who deals with shopping, but he must be divided as efficiently as possible to ensure all needs.

Do not deny the other the satisfaction of his usual pleasures just because you have to buy new curtains! Each of you has the right and must take your share of the common budget to meet your personal needs. Maybe a habit of his / her seems useless and too expensive to you: don't criticize him/her, because he/she will most likely find at least a habit of yours that is just as useless and expensive! If budget sacrifices are needed, you will have to give up something, not just one.

Remember: it seems to her that she is giving an unnecessary amount to do her hair, just as it seems to her that you are giving a huge amount for billiards/bowling/gaming/beer evenings… None of them agree with the expense for that it seems useless, but accept it as such and do not criticize!