We Make Eachother Monsters

Dear Serial Alien:

You were always right. We were a terrible match, a tornado that would rip each other apart just by being ourselves. You were the monster I said you were, but what I should have said was I was too. You were giant at times, larger than life. Other times your mouth would fill with bile and spit poison back at me. Your eyes were red and glowed as they wandered astray and you lusted for another. I made you this god-like creature and then chastised you for it. I cannot say how truly sorry I am. Not because I'm happy now, but because I made you a monster when I am one too. And not in the way that you are, but something worse. I was a tall long ghostly figure, absent of life and passion, and sucked it out of others without even knowing that I was doing so. On my face was a reflective mask that showed only what I thought you wanted to see. I hide parts of myself because I was scared. I made myself a victim because that was all I saw myself as. You deserved better and yet so did I. Not only did you hurt me and I hurt you, but we both hurt ourselves. We were our own monsters as well as each others.

I know you hate me and that's okay buddy. I will stay your monster because I know that is what you need. You don't need me to be a martyr that you would follow over the cliff. You need to hate me. I need to let you. I need to let you talk about me to strangers and be okay. Because I did wrong you like I wronged myself. You don't have to understand me anymore, not a lot of people do now. I am dropping out of school focusing on writing and doing this weird side job we would both have really dug. I am finding out things about myself I never knew and rediscovering who I am. I'm guessing you probably think some things were done out of spite but it was pure coincidence. . And as for how I know dude, I can literally feel how pissed off you are. Oh well, the waters are too muddy now for either of us to clearly see what was a lie and what was the truth. I choose to believe you. If you ever do feel you want answers I will let you ask me whatever you want. This is not because I need you to believe me or even care but because you deserve answers. I know you well enough to know already you said "ya right bitch how could I ever believe anything again? How do I know what is a lie and what is a fact." You can believe whatever you want. That is your choice. It always has been and always will be. I always wanted you to be yourself. I just didn't know that by you being with me, I was killing you. I am sorry. I can never take back what has been done. I am going to move forward. If you want answers, great. You know how to get a hold of me. If not, then know I will always love you enough to let you hate me, and if you need anything I will always be here for you. Even if that means you got to scream at me first. Have a great life you serial alien, you are a beautiful cosmonaut just floating through the chaos. I hope someday love can give you the anchor you need. I will always love you, but goodbye for now or maybe forever.

Love always your dearest friend,

Celestial Deadbeat

What his soul tried to tell me: War Inside of Me by Lost Dog Street Band

https://open.spotify.com/track/6c4i2FZ8Ul9O7BriSjkH2k?si=m-LZcRmvRImO2GIrozPVLQ&utm_source=copy-link

What my soul tried to tell him: Pretend You Love Me by Baby Bugs

https://open.spotify.com/track/6QCPC5ZtEpkAGFyQ0BLuK9?si=_EM_U1MzRRKw_kM2dY2hxA&utm_source=copy-link

My final message to him: Girl Sailor by The Shins

https://open.spotify.com/track/3ssrwTreXy34rO6IslBJHr?si=R3JOXv3oRFe4NrXPWnaO_g&utm_source=copy-link