We Both Burned Out Today Because Of Our Home Situation

My morning started well. I woke up, had my coffee, and then proceeded to finish the piles of washing I have been trying to finish over the last week.

I started out happy and content with my day.

The last week has been stressful. I fell ill the week before and was unable to do much, then this week my husband became ill.

I live in a large house, and as my husband has disabilities, he can do some things, but there are limits as to how much he can do himself.

I usually manage the housework well, even when I am the only one doing it, and I was until I saw the state of my two large gardens.

My gardens are not the easiest to manage. They become overgrown fast, and I often end up with some severe bramble issues in the corner of my back garden which is shaped like a triangle, and around the front edges and down the side wall of my front garden. I also get a lot of wild climbers, and my garden is far from level.

My soil level is very low and compacted, making the grass hard to cut, and I can't get a spade in it at all.

It has been suggested that I rotivate it. However, as I found out there is a lot of rubble, brick, mortar, mesh, and wire beneath that soil.

My house is a council house in England, and my garden needs professional work because I don't have the skill to do that by myself; and due to my husband having left work due to disability and the cost of living, I can't afford to do what is needed by myself.

My husband is disabled, and we are waiting on some adaptations, but the grants only cover so much.

We asked our council for help, only to get told they only provide that help for people over 75.

So if you are disabled and struggling under 75, that doesn't matter in the council's eyes!

We applied for a disabled facilities grant over three years ago, which is supposed to help disabled people have their property adapted so that they can safely remain there.

We have already been given the go-ahead for the bathroom extension, stair-lift, and smaller steps on the outside, yet we still wait; and while we still wait, my husband still struggles.

The Occupational Therapist who was dealing with our case left, and we were left months in the dark.

Does this mean, we will have to wait another year before the adaptations are done?

Is it going to take for my husband to have a more severe accident before they get started?

I wouldn't normally complain, but we queried moving out of our large property (which is a Secure Council Tenancy), only to be told that the only way to do that was through a home swap

However, there was a letter put into the council from the doctor, warning them about the risks involved in moving my husband, and telling them that he should not be moved.

When we spoke about moving, they weren't willing to keep us under the same type of tenancy agreement which secures our current tenancy. However, legally, we are entitled to do a tenancy transfer under the same agreement because we are 'secure tenants.'

Note: When the housing rules changed; the new rules don't apply to our tenancy because we have been secure tenants for thirteen and a half years. We are still under old tenancy rules because of that.

It is a struggle living in our large property, when there is only one person doing everything. I can do most things, but not having the adaptations we need, and not being able to move is causing us to burn out.

I don't get much time to myself.

The majority of my time is spent on:

• Decorating (some of the walls are very high, and we can't afford to get a decorator all the time.)
• Cleaning (Our house gets dusty and even fills with cobwebs on a regular basis, even though I clean every day).
• Gardening (Sometimes for two to three days in a row because the council will not help us do the more advanced tasks needed to make our garden manageable.)
• Helping my husband up the stairs and around the house to prevent falls (he has already had a few mishaps, which could be prevented if the council moved us to a bungalow. A flat is out of the question because it has been proven medically that my husband can't manage the communal entrance in a block of flats.

These things might seem normal to a person with no disabilities or caring responsibilities, and they might seem normal to someone who is caring but has support for that.

The difference is, I care alone with very little support and I do a good job by myself. However, I enjoy my role in caring for my husband, but nobody wants to help resolve the housing situation which is putting both of us at risk, mentally for myself and physically and mentally for him.

We hear so much talk about how councils and social services support disabled people, however in my opinion:

It seems that they only take notice of what they can see. A person in a wheelchair would get more support with housing than my husband because it can be seen.

Everybody around us seems to think that we stay in this overly-large council house because we don't want to move.

Anybody who thinks that is wrong. We personally think that our house is best suited to a large family, however two things:

My husband has been told not to move on medical grounds.

The house we live in is not just a family home, and it is an exception to the right-to-buy scheme because it is apparently suitable for disabled people and people of pension age.

We don't agree with this. My husband is disabled and he cannot manage the property, and I think an elderly person would struggle too, especially with the steep stairs.

My husband is awaiting a stair-lift because he can't manage the stairs, even with the extra banister that was specially fitted by BCP because he has walking disabilities.

Some days, he can't manage with that extra banister.

We are both stressed, and my husband is in constant pain. This could be easily rectified by three things the council should be considering:

• Get the adaptations done now. Having waited three years is too long for someone in my husband's position.
• The doctor has stated my husband cannot be moved on medical grounds. However, consideration should also be given to the risk of him having to stay in this house without adaptations.
• A move to a bungalow. That would be more feasible because it cuts council costs as the adaptations would be less complicated, and it would make life easier for both of us overall.

We live in difficult circumstances and the Covid-19 situation has affected us all.

We also have a housing crisis. While we are struggling, the council could be acting.

My views are firm; A move to a better and more manageable bungalow would be better for both of us in the long run.

Why should we have to struggle in a difficult large house that a family could use, when it is obviously easier for my husband, and cheaper for the council to move us somewhere more appropriate?

You'd be helping us and in return, we'd be helping you if you got the adaptations done, or moved us.