Walk reflections

I just came back from a walk outside, and I had a few thoughts I would like to share. There's a few.

I currently work as a dance teacher and admin assistant for a worldwide dance franchise. Yeah, I know it sounds like I’m living the dream, living my best life, but it would depend on how you looked at it. I’ve been working here for a year and a half, so I know the ins and outs, albeit there are still things that I could improve and work on however, it’s not all that it seems.

As a teenager, the vision I had for myself was to become a professional dancer and travel and do shows and one day choreograph for someone famous. I love it. I used to dance in my bedroom on the weekends and rehearse and put together routines, that now looking back on it, are super cringe, because as a 15-year-old, I thought I was the best and you could not tell me otherwise. But at age 26, I'm questioning that. Is that still my vision?

Maybe the universe wanted me to be in this dance field for a reason, which is the field of Ballroom & Latin dance styles, which I have never done, prior to this. If you think of “Dancing with the Stars" or “Strictly come dancing”, those styles are4 what I am learning how to do and to teach other people. A year before I started working here, I had a dream about being on a ballroom floor with a red sequenced dress and dancing what I know now as a cha-cha, to the song “Sway”. I was also told that my grandfather was the best ballroom dancer in his day, and one of my older aunties on my mom’s side took lessons at the same exact ballroom studio back in the 1980’s. However, in between working at the desk and managing students, something is off.

I desire a job where it's creative, and don’t get me wrong this job is, in a lot of ways. But the desk work is a killer. This week, my goal is to have a talk with my bosses to let them know, that hey, working desk is not my jam, and they know that, they’ve known that since day 1. If that is something they cannot accommodate, I am not scared to leave, in fact, it might be the best thing that could happen. To free me.

Here are some things that came to me, as I was walking to the water and the trees:

1. Era of self-exploring:

I realized that I am also in the era of self-exploring and figuring out who I am, and where I am wanna be in this lifetime. I know those are all broad questions, but that’s where I am. I feel like I’m seeking adventures and trying to follow my curiosities, which might re-lead me to what I’m most passionate about it. And right now, I don’t know if it’s dance, maybe it’s a certain dance style that I like. I like a fusion of dance styles, and not just one. I have fun freestyling and mixing different styles together and perhaps teaching that. I also love to draw, colour, paint, and create visual art as well as writing. I’ve also been feeling like I’m limiting myself to those things and how my money is going to come from those things. I am trying to stay open, and those things I mentioned above are what make me happy.

2. Prioritize time for things that make you happy:

I need to create a timeframe or sort of schedule to work those things in my day. Because here’s the thing, I work a lot, full-time. 68 hours every two weeks, and fuck, that is a lot of time gone in my week. However, mornings are my time to shine. I’m good at carving out time, however, these days I haven’t been doing those things as much as I would like to. I know I can. Different approach maybe?

3. Let go:

Another thing I came to realize, is to let go. I like to be in control of everything. I like to control what I’m going to do something, what time I should be somewhere etc, but when it comes to my dreams and goals, which are important to have, I also need to trust the universe. Know that whatever it is I’d love to accomplish or desire, I know that the universe will come through. There are plenty of examples in my life about this, as well as yours. I’m also trying to do more of the things that make me happy.

I’m in an era where I desire a different job, where it's better pay and the hours are shorter, and it’s creative. I don’t know what it looks like, but it’s on its way soon. That’s something that I am trying to control, but I know that if I talk with my bosses to maybe modify my responsibilities it will be a step forward. Because truth be told, it’s not a bad job, it’s really not. I’ve worked in the food service for 5 whole years, at the same level, doing the same thing day in and day out, hoping for something better, and look where I am now. But I know there’s something better than this, while I’m also grateful for the good things it brought me.

4. Notice what’s thriving:

This ties into my next point, of noticing what’s thriving. I have to give credit to one of my favourite spiritual and motivational speakers right now, Gabrielle Bernstein. If you don’t know who that is, I invite you to take some time out of your day, and watch her videos. She knows a thing or two about manifesting a ‘life beyond your wildest dreams’, as she did with her own life. But one of the ways in which to do that, is to give gratitude to things that are serving you and things that are going well in your life. It’s easy to focus on things that we don’t have, but notice everything in your day to day that you are grateful for. As small as having your coffee or being able to draw or write or whatever. The more you are grateful, the more of those things you will receive and attract.

Those are the thoughts that I am grappling with right now. I don't have all the answers figured out, and I don't wish to right now. I desire to be at ease and peace, whether that is quitting my job and finding something else, or hustling, I am open to recieving and working towards the lifestyle I desire. One day at a time.