Unanswered Love: How To Pull Yourself Out Of The Swamp

If a person has decided to ruin his life, it is difficult for him to prevent (c)

Irresponsible love can be considered the most generous provider of inspiration and motivation in the world. At such moments people experience a whole range of extremely unstable conditions: they hope, they despair, they are lost in uncertainty. And if only people understood that all this ripple is only the consequences of a non-coherent chain of biochemical reactions in our brains, how many beautiful creations the world would not see!

But in order not only to survive irresponsible love, but also LEVEL UP later, it is necessary to understand what love is, or rather - love, and why this gag sometimes so spoils our lives.

Falling in love is a special and unique compound of dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, and serotonin. In total.

It 's so dry and not poetic at all. If the relationship is long and happy, dopamine naturally falls, giving way to oxytocin; If the relationship is complex and conflicted, then the dopamine comes in place of cortisol. In the first case, hugs, kisses, and spiritual conversations will come to the place of passion, in the second - scandal and resentment. The ratio is individual, goes with wind correction.

It turns out that at the initial stage of relations or communication with a certain person our body and brain experience a state of a real drug high. It is unwise that once gained access to such a condition, often not used brain wants to experience this drug condition over and over again. And if it turns out to be "caught" only next to this particular person, should we be surprised that the brain is starting to buoy?

Okay, it 's not the whole brain that 's buoyant, it 's only its treacherous limbic system. A reasonable neocortex at this time will quietly blow something logical and rational like "he is not worthy of you," or "love must be mutual." And it will be right, of course. But what is useful if the pedal from the reward system is not in its "compartment.

These states and processes are the same, whether it 's an unanswered love for a man or for a girl. But what is curious: we all react to them in very different ways. Some are able to accept unanswered love and live on, while others have all their subsequent lives in attempts to stop suffering.

Why so? And what to do?

How to deal with unanswered love

For a wise man and a coke will go off the springboard (c)

If you are unlucky and you are in a team suffering, then you will only be able to stop suffering from unanswered love if

Offer the brain access to "internal drugs" through other "dealers"

Fact: to the most intense suffering from unanswered love (and from anything at all) people with the least filled life tend. By "life-filled," I mean opportunities for a variety of endorphin incentives, and more simply, pleasures. All events in our lives, even the happiest and the saddest of them, are very relative. How cynical, shocking or strange it sounds, but how intense and how long you experience the events of your life directly correlates with the filling of your life.

Remember, please:

The fewer people in your life, the greater the value each of them represents to you. The stronger will be the curved word from the colleague. The more offensive it will be to fight with a friend. The more painful it will be the lack of feelings of a particular object towards you.

The fewer events in your life, the more valuable each event represents to you. The scarier the dismissal from work will seem. The more delicious the chocolate will be. The more exciting it will be to watch the series. All the more important and harder will be undivided love.

Do you think how upset on the scale of 1 to 100 will be about the undivided love of, say, Zach Ephron? I bet somewhere on 30. And now imagine in his place a person with opportunities 10-20 times less than he has - you will agree, the degree of suffering will increase 10-20 times. Because "hyping" emotions from something besides the object of passion is harder.

We cling to some people not because they 're very special, no. At the stage of love, a person simply did not have time to become special for us. We cling to people because there 's nothing else.

That is why some, due to undivided love, slide into overeating, alcoholism, smoking or even drugs. People are looking for the shortest way to replace the "dose" that has gone away from them, clinging to the most affordable source.

But it is not necessary to look for a short way - it is necessary to look for a way effective. And he requires us to do our best.

And that 's what it is:

1. Other people. Every person in our brain creates a unique biochemical cocktail. That means your current drug could be far less kayaking than your future!
2. Travel. The journey carries a lot of reasons for endorphins - aesthetics for eyes, new setting, and experience, new people, new photos, after all.
3. Overcoming fears and achievement. You don 't have to parachute (if you don 't want to). Fear public appearances - forward with a presentation to colleagues, fear slash views of your body - running to the gym, fear public condemnation - start a blog on YouTube, fear to swim - go to the pool with an instructor.

The deserved pleasure in response to the release of adrenaline is the most "delicious," because it goes in response to the released adrenaline and works on contrast. You can read more about it here. And also, it 's remembered for a long time and makes life brighter. Your limbic system will appreciate your efforts, and life will play very different colors.

Whether we accept it or not, the human brain is flooded with pleasure, and thanks to it are very plastic. Provide it with a quality replacement cocktail of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, and it will switch to a new source more or less easily. Yes, he can occasionally reflex out the window behind a glass of semi-dry to return to his juicy and interesting life in an hour with new powers.

But for everything to turn out so you will have to make an informed decision to diversify your life as much as possible and organize new ways of getting emotions: to do what you have never done, to go to new places, to set yourself grandiose tasks, to overcome fears.

Make sure that your main memory of unanswered love is a sense of sincere gratitude for his or her giant contribution to your new bright and eventful life!