unBroken

“Do you really think you can fool me?” Queried Sarah, before giggling and proceeding “You’re funny!” She says as she’s laying down the hair products and supplies they just bought, on the couch. “I know everything about you and I know especially when you’re not being truthful. I know you Eva, I’m your sister, we came outta the same p*ssy I’ve known you your entire life so don’t even try to bullshit me. Do you really think that I don’t notice all the new bruises? You think I don’t see how you flinch every time he reaches for something? Eva! Wake up, this is abuse, you’re being manipulated. You don’t see all the pain he has caused you already what more do you want from him?”

“It was an accident! It’s not like that!” Eva denied, but she wasn’t convincing enough. “Was it tho? Because you have a lot of these accidents since you’ve been with him.” Interrogates Sarah.

This is when Eva's defensiveness kicked in, she didn’t want to admit that Ray was bad for her. She felt she needed to protect him and her relationship from her scrutinizing sister. She felt the rage filling her heart and her blood boiling, but she kept an unbothered expression. Even if Eva was mad at herself for ever opening up to her sibling.

*Eva sucks in her teeth* I Shoulda never told you anything man! Eva delares

“EVA! Do you think I’m stupid or something? Do you really think I believed your little bullshit explanation about you mysteriously falling into a staircase when I saw y’all fighting with my own eyes? Are you serious? DO REALLY THINK THAT?” Sarah questions again as she’s getting impatient. She heard her own voice raise louder than she wanted, this is when she understood she needed to recollect herself before proceeding with this difficult conversation.

“Eva, if you fell on a staircase, how come you have a black eye? ” Sarah wanted to ask but she thought it would be too blunt. Instead, she asked :

“How does a staircase pull our sew-in, to the point when we can see most of your natural hair? Eva Look it’s barely hanging by a thread.” She said as she effortlessly pulled the rest of the weaves out showing it to her sister sitting between her legs.“ Please Eva don’t lie to me again I know something is going on. Come on Eva make it make sense. How many more times will you serve me these tired ass lies?”. If not to me then at least admit it to yourself, he’s violent! I can help you if money is an issue. I found an account my beloved husband left open in another country, there was 20 000 $ in it. You could use this money to start over.” Offered Sarah, before looking down on her little sister as she was beginning to part her hair to start braiding. Eva stayed quiet for a moment. She felt touched by her sister’s generosity as usual but she could not admit what was truly happening. It was an awkward long moment of silence, until the youngest engaged into the last attempt at salvaging her boyfriend’s reputation:

- I don’t even know why I ever confided in you. It’s my fault, I should’ve never told you about what happened on the 4th of July, there’s so much more to our story than this event. I love him and he loves me, that’s all that matters to me.

- Eva you can’t be for real?

- Unlike you, my love can’t be bought like yours and I am not mom, so stop treating me like an addict. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke or do any drugs, I’m healthy, I am happy in this. I know what I’m doing. I’m in a relationship that needs work that’s all. Him and I can fix it!

- Why does he have to use you as a punching bag while fixing the issues? Why can’t he take out his anger elsewhere?

- Stop making it out to be a bigger deal than it is. Plus I’m not a child anymore you can’t tell me who I can and can’t see, stop being so controlling. Also since you’re so worried about my hair, I pulled out my own sew-in the other day because I wanted to see the growth of my hair since I stopped perming them. I have a feeling you won’t believe me anyway because you’re so dead set on making Ray out to look like the worst man on the planet. Since the very beginning you’ve been against him and jealous about the fact that I’ve got a man and you don’t. From day 1, you’ve been on his ass like the feds on a black man driving a nice car. I can never have anything good for myself without you conspiring against it.

Sarah was dumbfounded about what was being said and just as she wanted to respond, Eva continues the battle aiming lower and lower.

“So detective, since you are so smart, answer me this: Why do most of your kids have different dads? Better yet tell me why can’t a man EVER stay with you ? Oh and please for the love of god tell me why are you in my business when your own business isn’t even handled? As if Ray was beating me up, pfft! You wish! So that your codependent ass could rescue me huh? BULLSH*T! Are you using again SARAH? Is it crack this time SARAH? You’re so worried about me, this feels like projection. Like I was the one that was found on these streets snorting powder and smoking a jay while giving a handj*b to a stranger for a little bit of X and pocket change. You may be unhappy because you’re unaccomplished, you may be depressed because of the way your body shaped after having all these kids, you might be frustrated because of how unsuccessful you’ve been at landing another husband since you’ve became obsessed with religion BUT you don’t hear me complain about how thirsty you look on Sundays at church or every other day at bible study. Why? Because I mind my business! That’s why! Look, I know I’m not perfect, neither is he, and most importantly NEITHER ARE YOU BUT I LOVE YOU STILL. Why can’t you do the same?”

Sarah got up at once from the couch where Eva was still leaning on between her legs. Sarah was pacing back and forth as she tried to not get violent. She didn’t want to say something she’d regret unfortunately the harm was done and she was visibly upset by the things Eva brought up She tried to hold it in but she couldn’t be as cool as she’d wished. She felt her blood pressure get higher than it should and her heart sinking from all heaviness. She wanted to cry but anger is what came out first:

“ How miserable must you be to think that having a man is more important than anything else? How small of you to trade your safety for some company. You are dead set in choosing to ignore the red flags. If I’m thirsty for putting myself out there, just to try finding a good father figure for my children so they don’t have to grow up fatherless like us. WHAT DOES THAT MAKE YOU? Good on you sis for having a man but I wish you wouldn’t let loneliness making you look so desperate.

So what happened you can’t talk, you’re just gonna stay be mute for the rest of this conversation?... (Eva does not respond) Well you had so much to say just now. You don’t know anymore? Did he hit you so hard in the head you can’t think straight anymore? Are you so thick in the skull that you are still debating about a man that got you sent to the ER for forgetting to put potato salad on his plate? If I’m so THIRSTY, what does that make you for taking back the same nasty mother f*cker that gave you an STD and leaked your nudes all over the internet? What does that make you Eva?”

Eva is searching for a comeback but she has nothing so instead she gets up from the floor she was sitting on to get closer to Sarah so she can stand in front of her as to defy her. They are now facing each other.

« PATHETIC EVA! PATHETIC! THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE RIGHT NOW! »

Sarah yells as she takes a step back to pack the hair supplies in a plastic bag before giving it to her sister.

“ Listen up young women! You got me f*cked up if you think I’m gonna let you sit here and talk sh*t about what I did to survive and put your ass through school. You wanna talk about my children b*tch! You better say the full story and put some respect on their dead father’s name! My husband would’ve done everything for us just like I did everything for you. He died fighting for this country that don’t even value our lives. He died he making sure that I and ALL of OUR CHILDREN were taken care of! Do you hear me! Do I need to remind you he claimed every single one of them in his death benefit package. He even made sure you’d be good too. Why do you think I’m throwing 20 000$ in your face 10 years after he died, dumb ass! Oh and we’re body-shaming now? I won’t even respond to that? You wanna throw my past back at me, you wanna say I engaged in sex work while having an addiction problem fine, but let’s not act as if I did it just for drugs. You know damn well I did it so we could all survive and to keep a roof over you, mom and everyone else in this god damn family safe and fed! SO F*CK YOU FOR BRINGING THIS UP LIKE THIS AND MAKING ME OUT TO BE A CHEAP WH*RE! I DID THIS FOR YOU! WHO PAID FOR YOUR SCHOOL TRIPS OUT OF STATE? EVEN BEFORE MOM DIED WHO TOOK CARE OF YOU SINCE YOU WERE A F*CKING BABY? WHO THE F*CK WENT DUMPSTER DIVING AT 11 AND BROKE THEIR LEG TRYING TO GET US FOOD AND TOYS?”

“ You” Eva whispered as a single tear strolled down her face. Sarah still agitated and picking up everything that belongs to her sister. She manages to keep her calm as this can still escalate more, she can’t see the little girl she knew and felt very disconnected. Eva, with her half braided hair, her ill-fitting pajama pants, and stained oversized t-shirt her felt like she messed up in more than one way.

“ And you have the audacity to bring this up so you can continue living in your delusion, to protect your make belief relationship with your GARBAGE boyfriend? Huh! You better leave.” Ordered Sarah as she handed to Eva everything she’s ever left home. Eva’s face reddened with shame, she took her stuff and she slammed the door as she left. Sarah was sweating following their argument, she had not realized how wet she got just from arguing. She’s not feeling so great and the anger seem to have sky rocketed but her heart was still beating too strong, she felt difficulty breathing and the room started to turn. Sarah never felt like this before, she always been healthy so she think this has something to do with a potential relapse. Just in case she wanted to call her sponsor. His number was kept safe on a little black note pad sitting on top of the TV furniture. She tried to reach it but she fell hard on the ground after feeling a sharp pain that paralyzed her.