Toxic Friendships

Many people talk about being in toxic relationships. Toxic relationships could range from arguing all the time to abusive manners. What I don't hear many people talking about are toxic friendships. I've come across many friendships that have left me crying myself to sleep. I wonder what I did wrong to make the people, that are like family to me, treat me so horribly. My mind twists these thoughts, and I begin to put all the blame on me. I begin to beg for their forgiveness and continue to let them treat me with such disrespect because I don't want to lose them. A few years ago, I had a traumatic experience with a toxic friend, described below:

I had a male friend that I'll admit, I had a little crush on, but I valued our friendship more than anything. As we became closer, he started to feel like a brother to me. I would go to him when something was bothering me or if I needed a little advice. I trusted him with everything I told him. The end of the school year was approaching, so we wouldn't see each other over the summer. I texted him, but he ignored me. I brushed it off several times because I figured he was just busy or forgot to text back. Eventually, I snapped at him and was determined to get an explanation for his distance. His answer was "I was busy,” so I apologized for going off on him. He continued to do it, so eventually I gave up for a while. Then, one day, I decided to confront him again and ask him why he treated me like this. He said I was worthless, a loser, and that I will never be good enough for him, as a friend, or anyone else. I had always looked up to him, so this has really affected me. I cried just about every night for months after that. I would think about what he said before I fell asleep. My self esteem was crushed, and I began to believe him. I texted him about two years later asking him why he said that because I felt like I needed closure. He said that you can't let what people say about you get to you. What other people say shouldn't matter when you think about yourself. He may not have treated me right, but the one thing he still did for me was keep my secrets. He didn't go gossip about what happened or what I've told him.

I had another experience that still causes me issues to this day.

My two best friends and I did everything together, and always talked to each other about everything. We would all meet up in the hallway before first period every morning and catch up on what happened the day before. One of them would always come up with excuses to not hang out. We would always argue about it, and sometimes would stop talking for a while. Eventually, we would make up and go back to normal. She has always been there for me. She was there for me through so much crap, and I knew I didn't need to lose her. The other friend would always be willing to hang out, and we never got into arguments. I ended up moving schools, and we all became distanced from each other. One day, they both texted me in a group chat saying they basically they don't want to be friends with me because I was always lying about things and treating them horribly which I can assure you is not the case. I've always provided evidence for what I've said, so I can't be accused of lying. We've all had a problem with not knowing who to believe in the arguments because they would gossip back and forth. I just told them if they could say those things about me, then we don't need to be friends. That ultimately hurt me because they were my best friends. A few months later, I have completely stopped talking to one of them, and the other I've confessed that I missed then and wish things would have turned out differently, but other than that, I haven't really kept up with them. I'll always cherish our good memories, but all those arguments and lies made me question what a friend was, so I've had quite a hard time finding really good ones.

Ultimately, if you are constantly arguing and feeling uncared for by your friends, you may need to question if it is a stable and healthy friendship. If they give you excuse after excuse for not wanting to hang out or giving you the time of day, it isn’t worth fighting for anymore. Toxic friendships can be just as damaging as toxic relationships. They can lower your self esteem, cause anxiety and/or depression, and can be bad for your mental health. A friend is someone that enjoys your company for you, not what you have. They are someone that you should be able to trust and are always there for you. You shouldn't have to question their love for you. You should be able to laugh and enjoy life with them. It is okay to let people go. I promise that you can make new friends. There are over 7 billion people in the world, and you haven't even met 1% of the population. Just give it time and understand that everyone, including your friends, should treat you with respect.