Top 10 Ways to Avoid Couple Quarrels

Top 10 ways to avoid quarrels with the couple - sometimes you wonder why an argument broke out, why you couldn't avoid it, and conclude "it couldn't be avoided"! Couple quarrels are seen as normal outbursts - you just can't always be happy and content, can you?

An argument can help - it releases the accumulated tensions and leads to a solution… Other times, an argument leads nowhere - only to make things worse; at the moment, you free yourself, but because nothing has been solved, the state of tension reappears, and the atmosphere in the couple is even colder…

What you need to know is that you can avoid quarreling - especially when you start arguing over nothing, you need to learn how to handle it more effectively! Because the biggest problem is not when you rarely argue, but "well" - so when there is a real problem; but when you often quarrel over unimportant little things…

Top 10 ways to avoid quarrels with your partner:

Say for a moment what you have! Whenever you don't get irritated for a moment, your partner may ask, "What do you have?" and you say "nothing", thinking that it doesn't matter, that it will pass you by. … Will burst at some point and you will not be able to control yourself! Learn to speak and try to say right away when something doesn't suit you - better an unpleasant discussion at the moment than a quarrel after a while…

Don't ignore and don't try to convince yourself that "it doesn't matter, it will pass me by". But also learn how to say what you have: there are so-called "communication killers" that do not help, but inhibit a calm discussion: criticism ("because of you"), threat ("if not"), insult "You are a…" "I expected you not to be able to…), orders (should…), interrogation (" why… ") and… refusal to listen to what the other has to say!

When there is a misunderstanding or contradiction… you reach a compromise until it turns into an argument! For example, if you do not agree, try to find a middle ground where everyone can win and everyone loses! Don't ignore the misunderstanding and don't just insist on each other's point of view! Compromise and a middle ground can end misunderstanding - "You're right, I'm right, too."

Take a break! 3rd place in the top 10 ways to avoid quarrels - break! When you talk about something and you feel like you have less and you are bursting at the seams, that you are losing control, that you want to attack - tell your partner as calmly as possible that it is better to take a break from talking.

Go to another room or go outside, breathe, stay calm for a few minutes and then think about what you are just discussing - how relevant the problem is; why don't you agree; it is worth arguing or there is a solution at hand; What effects will an argument have?

Maintain physical intimacy. It is quite difficult to attack and scream, if your partner comes, approaches, hugs, and kisses you! When you see that the other is about to explode, look him in the eye, approach him and hug him; then ask them to talk… Always maintain, not only when an argument is about to be born, the level of intimacy: sit next to each other, hold hands, kiss…

Take off your horse glasses! 5th place in the top 10 ways to avoid quarrels - don't just look at it from your point of view. When something bothers you, the tension builds up and needs to be released, it's hard not to just think about yourself, what bothers you, what you won't - look at it from your point of view!

Remember that there are two of you - and that you have to try to find a common ground (you can work to be more empathetic). So, before you jump on your partner, look at it from his / her perspective and ask yourself: how does he/she feel ?; does he/she understand what I feel and what I want ?; do I understand what he/she said and what he/she thinks ?; what would he/she think and feel in my place ?; Do we both view this issue in the same way? what does he/she want?

Think positive! You've heard of the appreciative perspective - if not, find out what it means! When a problem arises in your life and especially in a couple, it is difficult not to look at everything through the prism of that problem - it is as if, if something is bad, everything is bad!

But this is not the case: learn to focus, when there is a problem, on the good things! This is not to ignore the problem - it still needs to be discussed and resolved, but to get out of the negative state and value the relationship. So, learn to think: one bad thing, one hundred good things!

Direct your anger! 7th place in the top 10 ways to avoid quarrels - find other targets for your anger. Often, you will not even quarrel because of a deadlock in the relationship - but because one of you is unwell and angry for other reasons, and the partner of the couple is the handiest target on which you release your anger.

But learn to direct your anger toward other targets: if someone has irritated you, talk to that person. If the anger comes from a situation and not from someone, in particular, direct the aggression towards targets that will not be hurt! Specifically, go to the room and punch the mattress (no matter how "primitive" it sounds, it works); throw pillows; he cried out in a low voice; go to the gym or run.

Then, when you feel relieved of your aggression, try to take a deep breath and meditate on your problem. Look at your anger on some material in you that you can get rid of! So, direct your anger and release the tension - after applying one of these methods, you should feel relieved…

Don't criticize more than you appreciate! In a relationship, it is sometimes difficult to refrain from criticism: this is not good, the other is not good… Stop and think that everyone has their shortcomings - you are not perfect either! And to be in a couple means to accept the other's shortcomings and to support and appreciate him, not to criticize him and bring him down!

One small criticism from you - even if you think it may help the other person to be better - hurts and creates a negative atmosphere. If you have something to say, say it not as a critique, but as an observation, without offending or judging.

Instead, learn to appreciate and show your partner this appreciation: he/she needs to know that he/she is valued. Always try to tell him when something is right (what he looks like, what he did, etc.) and try to give him a small compliment as often as possible: it will be difficult, if you do this, to attack yourself…

Don't fight! Get rid of the habit of looking at a misunderstanding and an argument in terms of rivalry. Because you are not rivals, you are partners! Don't think in terms of my guilt/guilt (most of the time, both of you are to blame), I'm right / he's wrong (just look at it from your perspective), I'm winning / he's losing in an argument if someone is to win, the couple is the one to win: when one wins, the other loses, the couple loses)! It doesn't matter who wins - what do you need to show your strength as a couple?

Don't look at quarrels as a fight in which you are an opponent and try not to attack. To attack the other means to hurt him - and for a moment, anger seems to make you want to hurt him/her. But how can this be a good situation for the couple?

Never leave a problem "in the air" and accept that there is no perfection… The last place in the top 10 ways to avoid quarrels - sometimes the quarrel remains inconclusive: maybe one won the fight, but without any solution… you quarrel over the same topic over and over again - and with each quarrel, instead of finding a solution, you move further away from it. find a solution (related to spending time, the evolution of the relationship, the interests, and hobbies of partners)!

Realize what those sensitive points are in your couple and try to discuss them calmly, once and for all, taking into account all the above tips. The truth is that some things cannot be solved to the liking of both partners: compromise and acceptance have their place here - try not to lose anyone and try to accept that not everything can be rosy, that there are always some things that are not exactly as you like. Accept some things as they are, remembering, "One bad thing, one hundred good things."