To The Guy Without a Clue

I get it, I really do. I get it because I've been there too. Far too many times to count. Call me crazy, call me foolish, but I still believe it's just a matter of the right person. Cause see, the right person won't hurt you that way. They won't make you wonder why you're not enough. They won't make you feel alone. They won't make you feel unworthy. Oh but the wrong person....

The wrong person breaks you, crushes you to the point that you're certain that no one will ever be able to mend what remains. You end up feeling less than, damaged, and like no one could possibly ever want the baggage you think you have. There's a line in one of my favorite movies, Rent, that says "I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine" and in the end that's really all that any of us are doing. We all are simply searching for that one person whose pain and hurt matches, or maybe even compliments, our own.

See, the right person knows how you feel, probably because they feel it too. They know how it feels and they would never do that to you, because deep down they just hope you'd never do it to them. They know that trust isn't easy, but they see something in you, something you yourself most likely can't see, that makes it a risk they are willing to take, one that they want to take. They see in you a piece of them, even if it is broken like shattered glass.

The right person will know that they can't put you back together just as you were before that hurt happened. It's like that old analogy of the piece of notebook paper. You know the one. Take it, crumple it up, step on it, whatever you will. Then you unfold it and try your best to smooth it out, to get those footprints off of it, but it never seems to go back to that like new paper. That's us. We are that paper after it's been trampled and wrinkled and worn. Still able to have a new story written on us, but never quite like before.

Of course by the time you find the right person, the one who wants you and all your scars and baggage, you've build that wall around your heart, around your mind, effectively making you clueless to anyone possibly being attracted to you. That wall is a steel fortress intended to keep any and all who may actually make you consider giving relationships another go, out. They could firmly knock on the wall, do all that they can to even put a crack in that wall, and you still remain clueless that someone actually wants to give it a try.

Of course, now and then the sun comes out and you let them see that part of you that you try to keep so closed off. Then the instant they decide that maybe, just maybe, it's time to try to ease a foot in, you slam your heart shut again. That person then feels silly for even trying. Who are they anyway, in the grand scheme of it all. No one really. Just another who could hurt you again. Here's the thing though, what if they don't? What if they'd rather hurt their own heart than to see you hurting? Hard to believe that kind of person is out there for someone like you, huh? But here I am.

I get it, cause like I said, I've been there. Long term relationships that end in heartbreak and pain. The scars that won't leave you. Your scars make you real. They make you beautiful. They give you hope. Scars mean that it didn't kill you, that you survived it all to try again. You have baggage? Me too, and I'm willing to bet my heart that our baggage goes together. So hey, you without a clue, let me spell it out in big, neon letters for you:

I'm not here to fix you or to put you back together see, I'm here to remind you that you are amazing just as you are right now, that someone out there (me, it's me, I'm someone out there) likes you a lot and wants to know all about you. Your favorite food, favorite band and song, what annoys you and what you secretly love that no one would believe. I just want to wrap my arms around you and make you believe in taking another shot at this thing called relationship, I want to make you forget that you ever had your heart broken. So, hi, I'm the one that is willing to take a chance on you, because I really think you have baggage that would go with mine. Just thought I should tell you...