To the Girl Who Can't Let Go...
You can't rush it. You will when you're ready.
“One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it’s guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy.” -Mareez Reyes
We want to move on when we can’t let go. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.
We want to be better. We want to forget. We want to let go. But, it’s not that easy. It’s not that simple. It’s a process that we often want to skip straight to the end.
You can’t just let go of someone that has made a mark on you. It’s really hard to let go of someone that you loved and cared about. You might not have wanted things to end, but they did. And you can’t do anything about it now. You have to stop questioning things. You have to stop asking yourself what if. You have to stop trying to forget. You have to stop blaming. You have to stop trying to rush the process. You have to stop trying to justify and make sense of what happened.
“When someone touches your heart, they will infinitely there. But, when your mood became entirely dependent on them, it becomes a toxic relationship and you lose the love for yourself.” -Anna Bashedly
We think that we can just forget about someone like they never happened. We can’t just erase someone from our lives and memory. We think we can move on like they didn’t matter to us. But, we can’t. We try our best, but the more we try the harder it is. We aren’t being real with ourselves.
Sometimes, we have so much trouble letting go because we still want to hang on to that person or the memory that it is attached to. We might say we don’t. But, deep down we do. And you can’t be in a place to let go when you’re still hurting.
“The hard part is pretending not to give a fuck when you really do. The worst part is trying to close your heart when its doors have been blown to pieces.” -r.m. Drake
You have to acknowledge the good with the bad, the happy with the sad. You may not have ended on good terms, but there were good times. That person meant something to you at one point. And you cared for them maybe even loved them.
And sometimes, you aren’t ready to completely let go. And that is perfectly okay. You shouldn’t rush something if you aren’t ready. Rather than fight that you need to accept that. Because the harder you fight against it, the harder it will be to let go.
It’s okay to not be ready to let go. These things take time. And depending on how much that person meant to you it might take a while.
“It took time to get to know someone. It took time to open up to them. It took time to let them in. It took time to love them. So it will take time to let go and move on. Take that time. It’s unrealistic to think that from one day to the next you will be able to walk away from and forget something you invested so much time, energy, and emotion into.” -Unknown
It’s a very difficult thing to lose our attachment to someone that we’ve gotten attached to. Attachment doesn’t develop in a day. But, at least you know that they meant something to you.
“It is a great sign of character and strength to be able to lose your attachment to anyone or anything that isn’t good for you.” -Unknown
It’s hard to let go of something when you still want to know why. You still have so many questions and you want clarity. And you don’t want to accept that you might never get that. In fact, most of the time you don’t get closure. You have to accept the apology that you never got and be okay with the questions never answered. And the conversations that never happened. It’s hard to allow a chapter in our lives to close without closure. But, you can’t wait your whole life waiting for closure that may never come.
It’s never a challenge to let go of someone or something that meant nothing to you. You shouldn’t be trying to rush to something that you need time to process. Because if you try to move on before you let go, you’ll always be pulled back. Because you never really let go. You never made peace with what happened. Reflect on the good times. The bad times. And everything in between. Remember that they are human too.
It’s unfair to ask yourself to forget about someone in a day that you took days, months, and years to build something with. It doesn’t matter if it was a family, friend, or romantic relationship. You have to give yourself time and space to forgive, forget, and let go. And then you can move on.
You can’t move on before you let go. And you can’t let go without finding peace with it. Maybe you’ll get closure and maybe you won’t. But, regardless you need to give yourself time to find closure within yourself. You have to give yourself time to heal.