To Love One's Self Pt 2

by Jade Kelly 4 months ago in love

Knowing you are good enough and worthy of love

To Love One's Self Pt 2

Overcoming our self-limiting beliefs that determine whether we are worthy of love in life is a challenge that most people these days struggle with. If we don't believe we are worthy of love, then another person will not see our value either. "We accept the the love we think we deserve." And we have locked ourselves into preservation mode that prevents us from allowing another person to love us as we are, flaws, baggage and all. Have you lived a life in solitude, because you are so afraid to love someone that you’ve convinced yourself that you are undeserving of love? When finding another person you are interested in, do you think of reasons why it can’t work out? Do you often tell yourself that they are too good for you, and that loving you is impossible?

If your answer to the above questions is a resounding “Yes!” I want you to know that you are not alone. There have been moments in my life where I have been interested in someone, but have somehow poisoned my mind with all of these thoughts that have made pursuing any kind of relationship impossible. I would numb myself to the point where I locked all of my emotions away, and didn’t allow myself to go anywhere to try to meet anyone for any reason. I would not even pursue friendships. I told myself that I was a loser with nothing to offer another person. Who was I to try convince another person to love me when I could not do it myself?

Loving yourself, and being loved are two completely separate things, but both must be worked on side by side in order to pursue love. You do not have to be perfect to be loved. That is a a product of our own imagination that has been attached to relationships or even friendships for a very long time. The people around us, who are in love, seemingly have it together, when in reality they aren’t perfect at all. They’ve just found another person who is willing to share their life with them, helping them to see the value in who they are, and to love them unconditionally.

I have lived this life in a deep sea of despair and pain, and I've never been able to see myself as worthy. I have self-sabotaged my own relationships/friendships because of this deep-seated fear that they will find me to be too much. How do we overcome our own demons, and convince others to love us? You don’t “convince” others to love you. They either will or they won’t.

There have been many times in my life where I have shared my heart with another person, but was too convinced that they could not love me. I was far too flawed, and they were too good. They seemingly had it all together, and I had nothing to offer them. I told myself every single time that I needed to get my life together before allowing them to love me. How easy it would have been if I had just allowed myself to let go enough to push through these fears and feelings of inadequacy.

A heart can be broken and mended many times. Just because you’ve been hurt before does not mean that you will never love again. It just means that relationship wasn’t for you, and there is another one out there for you. Our hearts pump our blood and allow us to live. They will not wither and die just because we lost at love the first time.

Being lovable is not being perfect. It is seeing yourself as imperfect and loving those flaws, those scars, and your journey. Another person will eventually love you unconditionally, and teach you how to unpack your baggage. You don’t need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Let go. Let go of your broken heart, your fears about being loved, and loving others, shed your tears, and trust yourself. Repeat your self affirmations daily, and you will attract love. BE LOVE.

A heart that is not open to love will never find love. Think about what makes you, “you”? What kind of person do you want to be that will attract others? Are you kind and compassionate? Do you share your heart with others? Help them to grow, in turn helping you grow? I know that deep down I am a very compassionate person who tries to help people, by sharing my own story of struggle, and convince them of the same. Locking your heart away is counterproductive to attracting love.

Open your heart to love, believe in it, and yourself, and the rest will follow. Have a heart that loves others unconditionally, and be the kind of person people LOVE to be around. That will attract people who will love you completely for who you are, and help you unpack, because “your flaws are perfect for the heart that is meant to love you.” I know love is worth it, and starting today I will let those thoughts leave my mind, work on myself, and let other see me for who I am, and what I can be. I hope you too will believe in love again, and understand and know your value.

Feedback, comments, and constructive criticism are always welcomed. Putting this out there in hopes it might resonate with others who have struggled with their own self worth in the pursuit of friendships and relationships.

love
Jade Kelly
Jade Kelly
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Jade Kelly

Writer, lover of all things creative- poetry, music, movies, dogs, friends, Netflix, books, etc. 

See all posts by Jade Kelly