How To Block Out Negative and Condescending Words

Do you have people in your life who are constantly cutting you down and making you feel like garbage on a daily basis? Do these people belittle you, and try to make you out to be "attention seeking" and "dramatic" for being something they don't like? Do they constantly point out your flaws, make fun of your passions, beliefs, music, etc? Well, I am going to offer you some tips and examples of how to cut out that negative noise in your head.

Through out my own life I have experienced numerous cases where people have told me that I am an "attention -seeking drama queen" to put it lightly. I have found that their beliefs don't have anything to do with me but everything to do with them. "What someone believes about you is none of your business"- I find this to be true. While we may seek validation and want to know why they think this, it's really important not to dwell on such trivial matters. It will keep you up at all hours of the night and drift your focus away from the more important things in life.

When others are consistent in their condescending statements and their beliefs about you it is sometimes necessary to avoid them all-together. Do not be the fish that takes the bait. As soon as you take it they got what they wanted from you. This is how the balance of power shifts from you to them. There are definite polite ways to address these bait-like tactics in a non- confrontational way. When you are hurt, upset, or frustrated it is a good idea to take a few minutes to take what they say, think about it, and throw it away. What are their comments going to do for you? Do their opinions of you actually matter? Who is this person to you? I am not saying that the opinions of others are not valid. I am simply advising that you need to think about who it is coming from. Is this a family member or a friend or someone that really doesn't know you and thinks they do?

There are moments where I have felt someone's venom spewing into my veins, killing me slowly with every word. I wanted to shrink myself away. This made me feel small and invalidated about who I was, and who I wanted to be. Words have the power to make people feel loved and important or shrink them into nothingness. The moment you give these words power is the moment you lose yourself.

I was enclosed in a small vehicle with an individual who shall remain nameless that made me feel absolutely worthless. They outright attacked me with a vicious onslaught of insults attacking my character, blaming me and telling me boldly "You would be better off dead!! You are worthless. And you can't say anything because you know I'm right." I had nowhere to go. I was trapped. Those statements were fully stuck in a loop in my brain. I felt them and I started to believe them. I took the bait and they won. In that moment I didn't have the capability of filtering out these vicious arrows that pierced my soul. I was not mentally strong. I wanted to be loved and needed their validation on a constant basis so when they went on the attack I didn't trust myself enough to tell them they were wrong.

There is no way to filter these things out completely but there are ways to not let it affect you as much. Do you have a favorite song you go to that has helped you in the past? Build your "Fighter" play-list and listen to these songs on repeat when you're starting to feel powerless or when others are choosing to be vicious for no reason. Take a walk outside in the fresh air, and try not to over-analyze their intentions. When you react immediately with defensiveness they have become the winner. This causes others to respond in the same manner.

So you didn't take the bait, you're still here with me and wanting to know how to address them in the first place without going on the defensive? Not as simple as it sounds. Sometimes these individuals need to be called out on their rudeness for it to stop. Take back your power. "Is there a reason you "address comment here" and "can you tell me what it is I have done to make you say that?" This is a statement that addresses their concern without causing unnecessary conflict. Perhaps they will see what they have done and it will stop there. What if it continues? At this point you'll need to decide if they are important enough to continue or end it there. If they respond with more condescending or belittling remarks than they don't think their behavior needs to change. Most of the time people are dealing with their own internal conflicts which causes them to act this way. Empathize with them, but don't feel like you need to validate their opinions of you.

Opinions are as valid as you believe they are. We are all inherently flawed beings and at different points in our lives we have all needed to dig deeply into ourselves and make important changes to how we see the world around us. Sometimes the opinions of others are true and sometimes they are false. I hope you have taken what I have said to you to heart. If you are dealing with a work-place bully, online, family, or someone else that is making you feel bad please feel free to comment your own tips and tricks in dealing with these people.

Until next time. Stay safe and beautiful.

-Jade-