To find myself

As I was growing up it was very difficult to be who I really was. My parents are very religious. Me on the other hand, not so much. So with that said I had always felt left out. People at the churches that we have went to have had there little groups. I was never first pick of anyone to hang out with.

Even at school I felt very different. I felt like I was the only one that had parents that made them go to church all the time. Even in school I was never anyone’s first pick. It was always the last pick of the bunch.

My parents and I have a very different view on religion. I wouldn’t say I was religious because there are stuff I do a religious person would never do. I guess you would say I don’t know what exactly I believe in. I think religion was so pushed down my throat that it doesn’t appeal to me as much as it would have if it wasn’t.

To me religion should be wanted by the person that wants it. I don’t think I never really wanted it. So with that my parents never really understood why I really didn’t want to go to church. It was every Sunday and every Wednesday that they went to church. I go to church nowadays but it isn’t every week.

I never really had friends to hang out with outside of school. My parents didn’t really like anyone I liked. It was pretty much if they didn’t do what they did than I couldn’t hang out with them.

After graduating high school, about 3 months later I had moved out of my parents house. I had gotten a place that was close enough for them to visit but far enoigh to where I had my space. I’d say now though we have a better relationship than we have ever had. We talk more and hand out more. We are a lot closer than I would be if I had stayed at home for any longer than I did.

So growing up I had like only one best friend. Even that after graduating high school didn’t work out. Things between us had happen after she had moved in with me. It turned out that she really wasn’t my best friend at all. I guess though people make mistakes but you can learn from it all. I’ve learned a lot with what I went through with my ex best friend.

Now some people may think I still don’t feel ok with myself. Actually it’s the other way around. After things had happen with my son and I get to see him two days a week; I couldn’t be more happier with myself than I have ever been. I guess it’s because the most important person in my life is actually seeing me do good things.

Even though my son is 2, I still feel like he takes me for accountability. He may not know it but when I think I wanna do something stupid; I think of him and think, “Would I really do that with my son?”

I have never though felt so much love from one person. Even though my son doesn’t say I love you yet I know for sure that he does. I can tell by the way he laughs, smiles and looks at me.

All on all though finding myself had been a difficult challenge. It’s been taking some time but in time I will be right where I need to be. Sometimes we want to rush things and get to a good place and stay there. We can’t always do that. If we rush things we get too ahead of ourselves and sometimes we make mistakes.

Love yourself today as much as you can