To Belong

Belonging is such an interesting concept. Many people search their whole lives to figure out where they belong in all aspects of their lives, from relationships to places to live, even what career to pursue.

I myself have often tried to understand what it truly means to belong. The closer that I look at my life and the people around me, I realize that I do have clear examples of times and places when I truly felt like I belonged.

My family is the earliest place where I felt like I belonged. I realize that this is a privilege since there are people who never feel like they 'fit' in their family. As the oldest sibling, I had a sense of responsibility and purpose in watching out for my younger siblings. Even into adulthood, I found myself constantly checking in on them and their lives. I've learned that, since we're all adults, there's less of a need for me to advise without being asked. But I'll always remember my role as an oldest child as the first time that I felt like I belonged.

Another place where I felt like I belonged was my two volleyball teams. Volleyball was the only sport that I played growing up (unless you count karate), and I was pretty good at it. I was shy at first, but I soon was playing as rough and tumble as any of the boys on our team. I felt a bit out of place when moving states and playing on an all-girls team, as they were not used to the 'win at any cost' mentality that I had, but I soon acclimated and felt right at home.

College opened my little homeschooled world up to many new experiences where I could find where I belonged. First I discovered the Ballroom Dance Club; I'd long watched ballroom dancing in movies and on TV and wished that I could learn. It wasn't until I got to college and joined the club that I finally had the opportunity to learn different styles of dance and make friends. One of our instructors told me that I was an excellent follower, which made it easier for my partner to guide me into steps that I hadn't even learned yet. I came to look forward to Sunday nights as a fun distraction from regular studying and homework nights. We would even go to dinner as a group after club, and I was surrounded by wonderful people who were accommodating to my introverted nature.

The other place where I was most comfortable was in theatre. Granted, I'm sure that a huge part of that was due to stress bonding - hours-long rehearsals after a full day of classes led to bouts of delirium and belting out I'll Make a Man Out Of You from "Mulan" - but it was really a safe place for me to explore my creative abilities without being judged or ridiculed. This was most true at the community theatre. I was surrounded by actors, directors, and other experienced creatives who welcomed me in and helped to teach, guide, and support me. I learned about all parts of the theatre process, from costuming to set building to running lights and stage management. And I always felt welcomed by them, though I was one of the youngest members of the community theatre.

As I got older, there were instances where I realized that I didn't belong. My first boyfriend was much more of an extrovert than I was; as a result, we were often among his friends. Some of them I gelled with, but a lot of them had interests that didn't line up with mine. So I ended up tagging along and often just listened to stories and laughed occasionally, unable to connect with them in the same way that he did.

At my first school, despite an amazing, supportive administrative team, I knew that I didn't belong at the middle school level. Truly, it takes a special kind of person to teach middle school, and I just wasn't cut out for it. Between the hormones and emotions running high, trying to figure out how classroom management worked, and finishing my last year of grad school, there were just way too many things that left me feeling overwhelmed at the end of that year.

Elementary school, though? Especially 5th grade? I felt my strongest sense of belonging when I was teaching 5th graders. They weren't as dependent as the younger grades, but not quite "smelling themselves" yet, as my mom would say. I became the best teacher version of myself when I taught 5th grade, and I was lucky enough to teach that grade for several years.

Belonging doesn't necessarily stay the same throughout your life, either. There are things that I did when I was younger, like volleyball, that I don't think quite fit me anymore. Even some of the people who I felt that I belonged around when I was younger aren't around me now. And I'm sure that anyone who has been in more than one romantic relationship in their lives would attest to the fact that, sometimes, your sense of belonging with a person can leave.

These are not completely bad changes, by any means. Sometimes less than desirable, but sometimes for the best. That's what happens as you continue to change and grow as time goes on.

There are so many more examples of places and people that make me feel like I belong; these have helped me to grow into myself and find the balance between spaces where I'm comfortable and spaces where I'm challenged and can grow.

What about you? Where do you feel like you belong?