Tips to Help a Newly Widowed Friend
Through the darkest period in his or her life.
husbands, and it has really torn me up. I didn't think that I was at that age where I had to worry about that. Surely I am not. However, that hasn't stopped it from happening.
I just want to help these people, so that they don't feel alone. I don't want to do or say the wrong thing, so I thought I would do some research to figure out how I can help without saying something that I shouldn't.
Here are some tips to help a newly widowed friend or acquaintance.
Just be there. Many widows feel like their family and friends give them space to grieve, making them feel lonelier than they are. Yes, they have lost the most important person in their life, but they don't want to feel like they have lost their friends also.
It is always appropriate to say that you are sorry for their loss. Though you may be lost when it comes to talking to your friend, the truth is that you should always tell them how sorry you are for their loss. That will mean a lot to them.
However, it would be best if you didn't tell them that you understand how they feel (unless you have been in their shoes). The loss of your friend, family member, or your pet doesn't even compare to what they are going through, so you shouldn't talk about understanding what they are going through. A widow doesn't want to hear your story!
Let your friend talk about their husband or wife as much as he or she wants. Though it may be uncomfortable, your friend may want to discuss some of his or her favorite memories. Since it can be uncomfortable for many, your friend may need someone to talk to. Be the one who is willing to listen. It will mean a lot to them!
Don't forget about your friend. Whether you were friends who all went out together as couples or just were friends with the widow, you can't forget about him or her. Invite your friend to places when you go out, even if it is on group dates. He or she will still want to be invited, even if the thought of going out is too much.
That being said, you should follow up with your friend. Too many people talk about getting together, and they don't follow through. If you aren't serious about spending time with the widow, it is much better to simply say that you have been thinking about him or her instead.
And accept where he or she is. Grief can be intense. Your friend may go through anger, sadness, disbelief, and many more emotions as he or she struggles to deal with the loss. Some of these may happen all in one day! Whether the marriage was short or long, your friend is going to need you, no matter where he or she is in the grief process.
Losing a spouse can make a person feel more alone than you ever imagined. So, what can you do? Just show up for your friend. Be there when he or she wants to talk about the loss. Don't be afraid to bring up the subject. Your friend may just be looking for someone who doesn't mind talking about the deceased.
You should always just say that you are sorry for their loss. Don't say that you understand. This can be more hurtful than you can imagine. Losing your aunt is different than the loss that your friend is going through. Your friend doesn't need to hear your story. He or she just needs your support.
That being said, you should continue to invite your friend when you go out. Even if you know that he or she is going to say no, it is better than being overlooked. You also need to know that your friend is going through a lot of emotions, and he or she may need to change plans last minute because of it. Just be there for your friend. He or she really needs you to show up, instead of promising something that you can't do.
Previously published on Medium and/or Newsbreak.
About the Creator
Shelley Wenger
Small town country girl in southern Pennsylvania. Raising two boys on a small farm filled with horses, goats, chickens, rabbits, ducks, dogs, and a cat. Certified veterinary technician and writer at Virtually Shelley.
Keep reading
More stories from Shelley Wenger and writers in Humans and other communities.
Dating After Divorce
Dating after divorce can be overwhelmingly scary. Putting yourself back out there can be too much for some people. I recently wrote an article about some rules that you should follow when you decided to start dating again. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, you can check it out here.
By Shelley Wengerabout a year ago in Humans
Red Shelves
Death is a black hole. Think about it. A black hole is the corpse of a star, something once warm and bright, now come to the end of its life cycle. But some will argue that the cycle of life does not end with death. That death is merely another path we must walk once our bodies expire and our souls ascend. In that moment, when the fuel in the star’s chemical tank hits empty and the shiny matte coat explodes into supernova, the mass left behind – the corpse – becomes a black hole. We understand that, around such a vast cadaver, dimensions work a little differently in death to the way we’re used to in life. For example, light cannot escape the pull of a black hole when it hits the point of no return. That’s where it gets its colour. Space itself is contorted by a black hole. That’s where it gets its funny shape. Even time. Time slows right down the closer you get to it. The closer you get to a black hole. The closer you get to death.
By Matthew Curtis5 days ago in Humans
Patience is power:The legacy of the watchmaker.
In the heart of a bustling city, surrounded by the incessant hum of life, lived an old watchmaker named Elias. His shop, nestled between a bakery and a bookshop, was a relic of a bygone era. The sign above his door, painted in faded gold letters, read "Elias's Timepieces."Elias was renowned for his craft, not just for his meticulous repairs but for the clocks and watches he created. Each piece was a testament to his patience and precision. He often said, "Patience is power," a phrase he had learned from his grandfather, who had been a watchmaker before him. To Elias, these words were not just a motto but a way of life.One rainy afternoon, as Elias sat hunched over his workbench, adjusting the tiny gears of a grandfather clock, the doorbell chimed. He looked up to see a young man, no older than twenty, dripping water on the wooden floor. The young man held a pocket watch in his hand, its chain dangling loosely."Can I help you?" Elias asked, peering over his spectacles."My name is Thomas," the young man began. "This watch belonged to my father. It's been broken for years. I was hoping you could fix it."Elias took the watch from Thomas's hand and examined it. The casing was tarnished, and the hands were frozen at twelve. He opened the back and saw that the intricate mechanisms were caked with dust and rust. It was a challenge, but one Elias accepted without hesitation."This will take time," Elias said. "Patience is power, young man. Come back in a week."Thomas nodded, though his eyes betrayed his doubt. He left the shop, the bell jingling softly behind him.Elias set to work. Each evening, after the day's customers had left, he labored over the watch. He carefully cleaned each gear, replaced worn parts, and meticulously reassembled the delicate mechanism. The work required a steady hand and a calm mind. Elias found a strange solace in the task, losing himself in the rhythmic ticking of the clocks surrounding him.As the days passed, Thomas returned to the shop, watching Elias work, asking questions about the process. Elias answered each question patiently, teaching Thomas about the delicate balance of a watch's components, the importance of each tiny part working in harmony with the others.Thomas was fascinated. He began to understand why Elias valued patience so highly. The old man's dedication to his craft, his ability to lose himself in the minutiae, and his unwavering calm were qualities Thomas admired and aspired to.On the seventh day, Elias called Thomas into the workshop. The pocket watch lay on the workbench, gleaming as if it were new. Elias handed it to Thomas, who held it with a mixture of reverence and excitement. He wound the watch and listened as it began to tick, the sound steady and strong."It works," Thomas whispered, a smile spreading across his face."Indeed it does," Elias replied. "Remember, patience is power. With patience, you can achieve things others might think impossible."Thomas thanked Elias and left the shop, the watch safely tucked in his pocket. As he walked home, he thought about the lessons he had learned. He realized that his father's watch was more than just a timepiece; it was a symbol of the values his father had tried to impart, values that Elias had helped him understand more deeply.Years passed, and Thomas found himself returning to Elias's shop often, not just for repairs but for the wisdom the old watchmaker imparted. He learned the art of watchmaking, working alongside Elias, absorbing the skills and the mindset required for such a meticulous craft.When Elias grew too old to continue, he passed the shop on to Thomas. The young man, now older and wiser, continued the tradition, always remembering the lessons of patience and dedication he had learned. He placed a new sign above the door, in fresh gold letters: "Thomas's Timepieces." Below it, in smaller letters, he added, "Patience is Power."Thomas ran the shop with the same care and precision Elias had shown. He taught his own apprentices, sharing the wisdom that had been passed down to him. The shop thrived, a testament to the enduring power of patience and the legacy of a humble watchmaker who had understood that true power lies not in haste, but in the quiet strength of persistence.
By Eric anexis 4 days ago in Humans
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.