Three lessons for building trust

My husband and I have been thinking about buying a home, but know we've hit some obstacles that might make it less likely. We contacted a loan officer who worked with us and gave us a positive opinion. We were very excited and started looking at houses.

It turns out, however, that he handled some incorrect information, and we may not be able to get a loan at all this year.

To say we were frustrated would be an understatement. We both tried to look on the positive side, but couldn't seem to shake our disappointment.

Neither of us wanted to talk about it, but I finally brought it up.

"Maybe that's what should happen to us now. Remember how we didn't get the first house we wanted to rent? We ended up building this killer house for less money on a dead-end street near the ocean? Did it end well?"

A chance to trust

My husband agreed and we started talking about our plan B. I agreed to postpone my overseas holiday until next year when we might be able to buy it. He decided he didn't need to buy a new mountain bike this year. We'll get there -- it just might take longer.

Later that day, I got an email from our loan officer. He did a little digging, and we were able to buy a house this year!

Life is full of opportunities to trust. Whether it's trusting the universe, trusting yourself, or trusting others, life without trust can seem very unpredictable, scary, or unfair.

I didn't realize I had a trust problem until recently. I will withhold it from those who deserve it (myself included) and make it freely available to those who never received it. I've been trying to change that over the years, and have a few key points I'd like to share.

You're the first person you've ever trusted

Maybe you don't agree with that. Maybe you think you've screwed up too many times, or you've been told you can't be trusted. God knows that's the case with me.

The thing to remember is that you have a chance to prove yourself every day if you give yourself a chance. Too many people, myself included, think they can't make the right decision and choose the right path.

But as a good friend of mine once said, "You're exactly where you need to be."

All of your choices so far have been based on the information you had at the time. Mistakes are judgments made after the fact. Open your heart to trust.

If you have one mantra during this time, it should be I believe in myself. Start small. I trust myself to cut these vegetables. I believe I chose the right water temperature in my shower.

It may seem silly, but these little chunks can help you build bigger chunks - for a dream job interview, painting your masterpiece, backpacking through Europe.

I could never have started my business without believing in myself, and that started with my knowledge of hard work. I can trust myself to do that.

It takes time to build trust

Because you have to start small, trust usually doesn't all happen in a week or even a month. It took me years to believe in myself. Some of it is because it has to do with some fundamental beliefs I have about myself.

Another important reason is that trust is based on showing, not telling. So while your mantra should be I believe in myself, remember that you have to have a reason to believe in yourself. Little things might get easier: grocery shopping, paying bills, exercising.

Bigger things don't happen very often. You probably don't want to embezzle money from your company or cheat on your spouse every day.

When you choose to go high, it definitely feels good and reinforces your trust in yourself, but it usually takes longer to develop.

There may be good reason for this. It takes a while to process something of this caliber. Situations like this are often accompanied by other traumas or dramas that can take a lot out of you. It may take a few months before you can pat yourself on the back and learn from the experience in a positive way.

But once you get over that, you know you're good. I can think back to the ways I've really been tempted and gone right - and I know that while it's hard to say no, it gets easier because I trust that I'll make the right choice.

Trust begets trust

An old roommate of mine told me how her girlfriend would tell her "I believe in you" whenever they went out alone. She said it made her feel safe and less worried about the relationship.

You may have heard someone say, "If you can't love yourself, how can you love others?" So is trust, which is why I made the point above. But once you start believing in yourself, it becomes a domino effect -- a cycle.

Trust seeps into your lifestyle. So if you can trust yourself, you're more likely to trust others. When you trust other people, they are more likely to trust you.

When you all trust each other, you stop trying to control everything and everyone and start trusting the universe.

It's a bit like the rule of three: whatever you put in, you get three times as much back. Peace, harmony and light seem to come easily when you trust that everything is unfolding the way it should.

I'm not suggesting that you stand by while life happens; You can still set goals and strive! Simply add the trust to your repertoire.