Tell your story and heal your past

I emigrated halfway around the world to escape my story. That's how desperate I was.

This is a story of loneliness, rejection and depression. I blame my country of origin, my family and a string of bad luck.

Instead of facing my story, I run from it.

But our past always catches up with us. So before long, my life in a new country with a great new job was similar to my life before I emigrated.

Not outside, but inside. I ran away from my condition, only to find that all I really wanted to do was run away from myself.

For years, I tried to ignore the dark cloud of depression that still hung over me, as well as feelings of resentment toward my parents for our broken family.

But the negative thought patterns and victimhood remained in control, ready to tell me who I was - no one - and what I could do - nothing.

I continued to deny it. In my studies as a writer, I pursued fiction, always hoping to lose myself in the stories of my characters, eager to make a life in the pages I hadn't made for myself.

Outside your comfort zone

But then my work led me to writing and editing for a magazine where women tell their personal stories of faith, hope and humanity - where authenticity and vulnerability are the essence of people's discourse.

I found myself out of my comfort zone.

At first, I would write about the parts I didn't mind revealing: my beliefs, my professional struggles, motherhood. But I will never reveal the other side of me -- the side that suffers behind a veil of darkness.

Until my editor called it out.

I was in the middle of my worst depression yet, struggling to keep my head, trying to write from a happy place, but unable to ignore my true emotions.

Eventually I couldn't fake it any more - I had to write down how I really felt. I had to be in this community where everyone else was real.

So I began to write my story.

I sat at my desk, staring at a blank screen, not knowing where to begin. I was careful with the words when they came up - revealing some parts but not others, and phrasing my sentences in such a way that I didn't sound like a madman.

A more in-depth

After finishing, I noticed that my body was tense. My hands and face felt wet and my back hurt. I was afraid. This is essentially my big revelation that people can learn about my depression through this article.

I worry that if they know this part of me, they'll reject me.

But I swallowed my discomfort, took a deep breath, and sent the article to my editor.

Her answer: "Go deeper."

That's not what I'm looking for. I want to finish it and close my eyes on the day it comes out. Instead, she wanted to know more. She wants to know all my heart.

I ignored her response for several days. I don't want to go any further. I couldn't go deeper -- couldn't face the pain of returning to the heart of the story.

Then I was ready.

I don't know. Actually, I'm on my way to the gym. But then the first line appeared in front of me, and then the next. I found myself sitting in my cardio pants and Luon top, my fingers flying across the keyboard, tears rolling down my cheeks.

A weight release

I didn't look up until I finished. When I do this, it's as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

The calm and quiet that swept in was so inviting that I just sat there for a moment and revel in it. I think that's how a painter feels after finishing a work of art.

I emailed the article to my editor and she responded within an hour. "I'm crying."

I knew then that I had revealed my whole self.

This is the beginning for me. I wrote more about my journey through depression for the magazine, and in doing so, helped others who fell into the same place where I had found myself fearful.

Revealing my story helped me gain a new understanding of its truth. It also helped me start the healing process. Because I truly believe that we cannot live a full life in the present unless we face any pain in the past.

Writing our story is not only a safe and effective way to deal with past hurt and healing, it is also a way to help others who have gone through something similar.

The simple act of sharing our stories and being heard is one of the greatest human needs. In the words of Virginia Woolf, "If you don't tell the truth about yourself, you can't tell the truth about anyone else."

How to write your story

The idea of writing a story can be daunting, especially if writing doesn't come naturally to you or if you've had a lot of pain in the past. The key is to be kind to yourself. Here are some guidelines to get you started:

Buy a good journal to write your story in. Make it a beautiful thing to catch your eye in the store.

Write stories for yourself without worrying about prose or what people think. All typos and grammatical errors are allowed!

To tell the truth.

If reliving past emotions is too painful, enlist the help of a counselor or write your story in the community.

Be gentle with yourself. When words come, write; Don't force them.

Start from anywhere -- no need to start from scratch. Just write and see what happens.

Face the uncomfortable part. I didn't find any relief or healing from writing my story until I faced the parts I didn't like.

Write as much as you want. It doesn't have to be a memoir. Write down the important parts, in short story form, journal form, whatever. The important part is to feel the feelings and process them on the page.

Believe in yourself and your story. You need to tell it. People out there need to hear it.

Stories unite us -- and every story deserves to be told. Don't make the mistake I made of locking your story away in the back closet of your head until it finally bursts out of you. Your story is important. Now is the time to tell it.