Women are hiding things from you when you're dating. There I said it.
Now, I'm not talking about lies, per se. Nor am I talking about the specific things about their life and their past they're keeping from you.
I can't do anything about the secrets that women keep from you, or the secrets you keep from them. You know, that human thing everyone does.
But we women do tend to keep feelings about certain aspects of our relationships with you out of the normal, polite conversation. Or even deep conversations, too.
It's not that we're being malicious or trying to deceive you. These aren't malicious lies, though you could see them as lying by concealing. Getting into the technicalities of this isn't the point I'm trying to make, so let's not go there.
It's that these topics aren't something we always feel at ease to share with you, nor do we always deliver them the right way.
Or, if I am completely honest, these parts of our feelings we fear will have you running for the hills if we say them to you.
Here is a little insight into the deeper thoughts women have whilst they're dating you.
The timing of taking the next step
If we feel the urge to take the next step in a relationship with you - moving in, marriage, babies, etc - we don't say it.
Sure, some of us do, but a lot of women have learned that bringing up these topics before a man does land us with the desperate women-cliched label.
A pushy, desperate woman.
It means when we feel we're ready, or when we think the timing is right for the relationship, we aren't compelled to say it.
It's rare for us women to have a relationship where discussing this doesn't lead to disaster for us. Eventually, women do get over this, especially once married.
Yet, we never forget what it's like to have a man flip out on us the moment we want to talk about the future.
Now you might lie about this too, by the way. I can't speak for men, so feel free to let us know.
They wish you weren't in control of a proposal
And on the topic of the future, women have a love/hate relationship with the conventional proposal situation.
Some of us love that a man shows his love and affection for us by honouring tradition and proposing.
Some of us hate that it's all on the man's side and when we reverse the situation, society screws its nose up at us.
And sometimes not even society.
The man objects to the role reversal and sees it as emasculating. Everyone has a different point of view, after all.
The struggle we have is that the proposal, when it will happen in the context of the relationship, is out of our control.
What it really means is that women have little control over when we get married. We have to wait for the man to have his ducks in a row first. It doesn't matter if the timing is right or wrong for us. We don't get a say.
We know we can't have it all, by the way.
Changing this situation is going to take a lot more than my one conversation about it here with you. But it's worth noting what some women will think about this issue and how you then respond within your relationship.
Or not, if that's what you want to do.
They wish you would drop the traditional gender roles BS
Men v women.
Women are from Mars, men are from Venus.
Men do this, women do that.
Happy wife, happy life.
Cliches upon cliches about how men and women are completely opposite and, as a subsequent, we treat each other differently.
We women don't like it when our man treats us like what they think a woman should be. We don't always love when you make a fuss over us when we have our period. It's like we're sick animals that need your pity.
We don't always love it when you assume we're not going to want to do 'manly' things like doing anything involving power tools. You know we're capable and some of us have strong desires to explore this side of life.
It's the same way you don't want the burden of being the man who fixes everything. Or who's responsible for the security of the relationship. You know what I'm talking about; the male protector role.
We're not going to deny you when you want to lead with those instincts. But it doesn't have to be so defined, black and white, especially when we're two humans building a life together.
How much they hate parts of your life they can't change
This is a problem I would argue both sides of the relationship have. Yet, I can only speak for being a woman and what it's like in my experience.
It's frustrating that we can't tell you, with full sincerity, what we dislike about your social choices in life. Who you hang out with, how much time you spend with friends over other relationship commitments, and your social interests like sport, to name a few.
I know what you're thinking by the way; my woman has expressed those feelings.
She's told me my friends are a bad influence, or she hates when I watch football for a whole weekend straight.
But I hate to say it, she's often not saying everything she feels about it.
She's often suppressing how doing those activities impacts her and your relationship with her.
It's not about not liking football as you do.
It's that your solid preoccupation with the game means she's left out, lonely, and had to hold down the relationship whilst you get to enjoy your life.
This is just an example by the way. It's not that all women hate men watching football.
Yet, I would argue everyone (men too) has something that bugs them more than they care to admit.
They wish they didn't need to hide these parts of their feelings
There will be some of you reading this, the men in particular, who will disagree. You don't think your woman is thinking or hiding anything you don't know about.
Perhaps that's true. But perhaps I'm right too.
And there will be some of you, the women in particular, who will disagree as well. You have a relationship where you say everything on this list without issue.
But you might have a few things, specific to you, to add to this list. I wouldn't blame you; we all have things we don't say.
The bigger problem here is honesty. In relationships, we can never truly say what's deep down.
We always have to censor ourselves to ensure we don't rock the boat, and that we don't say something to scare our partner away.
Or that we don't say something that a man can turn into a hormonal feeling of a woman.
Men, it's not your fault.
But now you know a little more about what we're thinking, you have a superpower. You know things that can help you have a deeper, stronger relationship with your partner.
Don't underestimate what this honesty can do. Embrace it.
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Very well written. Keep up the good work!
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