The woman who looked at life through Violet glasses

I made it to ninth grade. The year was 1994.. I was a lost child with so much potential and imagination.... I was taking LSD smoking pot and I was in a continuation High School. I was so angry at my parents that I found comfort in music and of course my journal.....

I was in so much agony as a teen walking into this school thinking and feeling like such a failure..... my mother was a single mom who was raising two kids on her own. She was so hard working but we were so troubled.... leaving the suburbs behind and moving almost 500 miles north from everything I knew .. I was back in Northern California to go be closer to my mother’s side of the family after my parents divorced.... I was hardened by the pain and I was using drugs to cover up those issues that resided inside this lost California teenager...

So walking into my first class this was the strangest class I had ever seen, first of all I did feel the warmth of the class but I felt as if I was walking into a time machine that took me back some years... I mean how could this be a classroom especially a English class. I’m expecting it to be quite boring and dull... that was complete opposite, I walked into the classroom of the sounds of sound scapes on a old CD disc player... the cieling had dangling shiny metallic colored mobiles hanging and they were all over the place .... but the best piece of this special room were the giant black bean bags that had covered every corner in the room, and the best part of that was the giant silver stars all over them ... In the far left corner stood a slender woman with shoulder length dark curly hair, she had very defining cheek bones a pretty red lipstick smile with reading glasses and she had a beautiful blue shirt on that was very flowy and as we entered she says “ welcome my kids, welcome to my English class room please find a seat or a bean bag anywhere”.... We were all blown away it was like walking back into the late 60s, early 70s .. That was the moment I met the most eclectic, soulful, empathic, loving human I could have had in my life at that moment. Her name was Mrs. Lynn Hirst.... she was my English teacher and she would be the hero in my life that would welcome me and introduce me to my own gift of creative poetry and writing, she witnessed the magic within this lost young girl, and she would be the special person who I hold so dear.. She made me see something inside me that I was a natural at and she would guide me to a amazing world of creative writing that I had no idea I had.... this is the heroic short story about my English teacher, Friend and who now is a part of my soul Lynn Hirst. I was fragile with life’s debilitating moments. How could I be so angry, I was searching for something and someone. I was so lost yet so determined to be seen and heard... I found my bean bag in the far off left corner in her room. It was right by the back door opening and she handed me a journal and said write about your thoughts in being in this classroom... I looked up at her as I sat in the bean bag and she said what are you thinking right now and I said I’m happy that the sun is shining on my face and she said that’s perfect write about the sunlight shining on you and that’s how my unknown gift was developed ... Lynn Hirst was amazing she was a mother and a grandmother who was always speaking about her family, she loved poetry, music, gardening and great desserts. She had the soul for life and her eagerness to teach and bring out the best in each one of us challenged kids was phenomenal...you see, she knew what she had to give, but later in life I’d have to deal with such a hard lesson to inculcate in my adult years like the pain sits there in an entire different demention. She showed me haiku and how to present the most best haiku with small little perfect beginnings and a strong blunt ending... She showed me how to explain a rainbow with just 10 words that were so descriptive that someone could taste the rainbow ... She showed me how to listen to the 100 different sounds that are in rain drops... her voice echoed harmonizing tones and I was taught .... She wanted to make an impact, I became a teachers pet without knowing what that was, but I looked forward to everyday walking into her classroom. It was a safe zone it was a comforting place, without the drugs .. Without my reality I was able to escape in a healthy way .. She did her very best to create that safe haven for many of us, but we shared something a connection that perhaps she witnessed inside me what she carried within herself and that for her was enough to keep me close and by..... By the time the year was up and summer had arrived, she walked us out for that year as confident writers, as the year went by she shared her love for the music of the 60s and I appreciated that era as well, the song that I loved her playing was California Dreamin by the momma’s and the poppas .. That song just woke up the classroom in such a groovy cool way.. One day I walked in with purple glasses and she would always bring in roses from her garden she had at home... I adored them as they smelled so beautiful as a new day, one day as she noticed my purple glasses she asked me “ why did you choose that color when you bought your glasses”... I said because purple is such a escape for me .. I like to see the sky and water and trees all purple it’s really neat actually, she said “ funny how you say that, you know that when I was a little girl I chose a pair of purple glasses also for the same reason”.... I was so shocked .. that was almost like an affirmation for me to trust in her even more because there was something else we shared so special and that was the love of purple, and how we loved to see the world in that color, it was described as a coolness a calm and we both shared that and I wrote about that in my journal that day.... One afternoon she announced she was creating a poetry book and we had the chance to write about poems and put them in the book I was so excited! She knew I would write and it became an excitement for me to begin writing my poems about psychedelic things, and love and melancholy.... she really cried when she read my poems and I was a bit sad, but my poem of the sadness was the first one she put in her book.... The next day she brought in some new roses I couldn’t believe my eyes to see that they were beautiful violet roses and I fell in love with them, they just happened to be her favorite roses and they too became my favorite... 3 years had gone and I became one of the top writers in the school, that lead me to write short small stories in the town newspaper at the age of 19.... it was called patchwork of feelings.... and it was awarded in 1999.... after that year and I went off to college my writings lessened as I got more into my career and of course lost track of my amazing teacher ... Until one day I had moved back to the Bay Area and I was married with a little girl, my daughter who also is a writer and she’s just starting out, but I would take her to the story time for the toddlers and just by chance my old teacher was volunteering there in the library! It was music to my ears to hear her speak and as I got chills I couldn’t believe here I was with my own child years later listening to the woman who made a giant impact I’m my life, this was the lady that met me as a young girl who was so depressed and sad about my life when my parents divorced, here was the lady who was able to teach me and transform the sadness and thoughts and feelings and create exactly those patchwork of feelings that I was always so ready to share. I owed this woman because she had no idea the positivity she taught me to feel and see. She taught me how to process thought and feelings into paper and create.... Here I was with her again and it was so great that she was able to meet my daughter too.. over those years we reconnected. We did a few writing workshops, we visited with one another for lunch, Holidays, Farmers markets..... we developed a friendship in her older years and my new mom years it was so special. Lynn was a real friend. She told me how great it was to see me and witness me in a new light of motherhood. Over the years I know she had some grandchildren of her own and time took its course I had got a divorce and eventually I left the Bay Area. Good thing for social media I was able to find her in 2014 and reconnect, it was nice to see photos of her and her growing family, one day she changed her profile photo to a vase with those same purple roses, and I had made a comment about them and she replied “ yes proud to share the common love of our violet roses “... that would be the last comment I would see or hear from her in fact that would be the last time we spoke any words.... August 29 2017, I received a Facebook post from her daughter that her mother Lynn Hirst was gone she had passed away, there was no hesitation I could not even stop the tears like they just started very suddenly, the knowing the shock, the pain...... the pain that I once walked into this woman’s classroom 28 years ago.... how she helped me how she helped me transform something into a gift I had found in myself.. how, how could she be gone??? How....... I was silent with just tears ... I sat and then let out a sob and just started crying with painful sounds.... my friend, my teacher and my hero one who saved me possibly from own self was gone now.. I sat there and drifted back in time and remembered the first day walking into her classroom at 15, here I was sitting down and needing to feel some comfort. I called my mother on the phone and cried to her to tell her the devestating news of my old English teacher passing, the best words my mother said was “ I know it’s hard and painful, but what you can do now is remember what she gave you and taught you, remember the ways she helped you, and helped you turn your imagination into real writings, continue that and honor her all the time, she’d be proud of you in just that way”..... I said “ mom thank you you’re so right”... from that day forward I told myself I’d only remember her and honor the great hero she was and still is to me.... We had shared so many things, I’d consider her a soul mate for sure, I had no idea she suffered from her own depression and dealt with it for years and years ... so she did recognize this in me right away and new how to possibly help with my future of processing my feelings and that she did because if she couldn’t save herself .. she knew in her lifetime of teaching she’d touch individuals in a way to teach them they had voices and to teach them to love life anyway and bring out their gifts to share them with the world... As of today I am still and will always honor Lynn Hirst, she will always be the lady that grew those beautiful purple roses, and viewed life in those violet glasses... thank you for all you have done for me, and teaching me my life long gift that I will forever be grateful for and share with the world and always in your honor.....

If you know anyone suffering from depression be there for them and never leave them alone. Suicide is real and it can weigh heavy on anyone at anytime of their life ... Thank you Lynn I love you