THE WOLF THE BEAR THE LION THE TIGER

What the spirit wishes to be Brave.

The man can not stop hearing the whispers of fear

As They hear the whispers they take action.

The divine Love with such fate blessed me with my sons the four, when all your tiny bodies maybe not so tiny as you were all big babies with bright souls brought into my care as your mother. What a tremendous LOVE I did feel - to nurture and care for all four as you all grew from babyhood to adulthood.

Let me tell you about the word – the HEBREW WORD FOR LOVE AHAB and how it Describes a variety of intense close emotional bonds beyond romantic love . To just be standing in this feeling of love AHAB for My four brave honorable sons.

If we Look at the words as pictographs what do you think they are telling us: the two letter root of ahab is the hey + bet. meaning a sense of wonder, astonishment, and appreciation the core of true love. The Love in our lives can form pictures attached to the power of words

I felt the AHAB when beholding my four sons at the time of all their birth's .

My four sons the tribal clan – They are the gift chosen for me and given by The Creator of the living . So as I believe the verbal form of hey + bet means “to give /a gift.” The gift to have four healthy sons the meaning of the abstract form of pure love from complex emotion, desires, and protectiveness which is inspired in the heart for my cherished ones; the gifts the four Sons .

I can live and speak and love openly because I believe I am who I am because of my sons no its not the wrong way around they are the 4 they are the ones to thank them for the lessons of longstanding love Eternal Love the GIFTS# .

My insecurities are quiet not gone, my worries are lighter not weight- less, but lighter, and my heart is filled full of my Sons . I know how my sons feel such love and understanding for me tis is all I need .

I am the Mother of the Four . Each one of my sons was born into violence so my choices did have fangs like a serpent. It was why they did blame me for but a time as the Boys became men they have gained the innerstanding they Know Now.

The Wolf The oldest son born to myself the 18 year old ,the young girl. The young girl so wanted to explore and run free unhinged from all my child hood pain that I just did not understand until nearly 40 years later. So along came this little life I fell in absolute love for the first time. Seeing feeling pure love . His father and I were married but there was no connection nothing like what I felt for my son. This little man would Go to Japan with me ,we explored together the temples the Ninja house and he would Go to a Japanese school visit the the tea houses and feel the loving people of Japan.

But in amongst fantastic places as this young mother I was so broken manipulated by my own mother ,so to feel like I belonged scared me so I would sabotage myself with violent love less relationships. As they say what you feel comfortable with because when you have been raised by a Narcissistic mother like mine it takes forever to see. All mothers want to see beauty and love and success for their children but My mother wanted the control over me to not succeed this actually made her feel alive she was the life stealer, soul stealer. The narc mother if she cannot get what she wants if everyone knows who they really are as the Covert mummy dearest narcissist was always plotting and scheming to control, manipulate, and eventually bring me down emotionally, financially, psychologically, physically, and spiritually “ she told me many secrets of her affairs and HER hate for my father from the age of seven or eight as the daughter the holder of her secrets then becomes the target for the Narcissistic mother.

This woman I called mother told me how she thought he was her aborted son . My poor father was a Enabling husband he was the one who pandered to her the Narcissistic Mother, who facilitated her abuse on me, who worshiped her completely at her altar and expected me to do so too.

They the family I was birthed into programed me the little girl into the shell of a woman to obey thinking I was isolated from the world of her lies and power to manipulate every one around her.

My four sons are young adults now, and my only mission is to see them heal so before I die, they all have a whole life they all live their best life. The truth is the daughter of a narcissistic mother can be an excellent mother. A better mother than the one she was given because of the pain she suffered as a young girl . There was no support system outside of my mother; outside of her, you know nothing as a young girl. Daughters with narcissistic mothers can never win their mother’s approval. I wasted a lifetime trying to please my mother. Meanwhile, she’s doing everything in her power to make sure I can never measure up as a mother. Narcissistic mothers make sure everyone in the family blames you. Without my sons love I would of never known the truth and never recovered it would of ended in suicide. There was no emotional support or anyone to help talked through things in life understanding this sort of toxic hate from a mother.

So I researched and researched but it wasn't just for me it was for the four son's the only four people on this earth whom I adore love and feel so guilty for the unresolved stuff from their childhood.

My Narcissistic mother and my sons Grandmother only seen my son's as tools to be used, controlled and manipulated, it is more common than you think.

As the narcissistic grandma my mother had the opportunity to turn my sons her grandchildren against, she made that choice and so she did it she would do this fake promises fake love fake everything.

Normal loving grandma's would do everything in their strength and power to strengthen and bless the bonds between mother and child because they know how important it is for a child’s growth and development. Only a emotionally disturbed would do the opposite.

These are the lessons I learned as a daughter and woman

1. The lessons I learned that her my mothers love is conditional, you’re convinced you are terrible , and you must be if you’re own mother doesn’t love you.

Deep down, you carry these lies with you. You believe them, which convinces us we can’t be mothers of any description . To be accepting of a abusive partner as this is the norm in relationships

To be a people-pleaser to smile always even if you are broken and dont know why. you know if you go to a narc mother she always takes the story back to herself,ALWAYS, Never ever listens to any thing other than her life .Its all about her her looks her marriage her church how people perceive her Greatness as a mother a wife a lover a beauty.

Side effects of a narc mother is you will Avoid love or chasing love in adulthood.

You Accept violence because you think and told You are annoying You are not worthy you cant look after yourself .To of carried this sadness with me and never understood it. When you’re raised by a narcissistic mother who doesn’t have the ability to love you, it leaves a sense of sadness that permeates into your mothering.

My authentic self was lost till I was in my 50s, this is not about me but I would like to paint a picture so to understand how this young Girl started with pure intent and lost her way but as a blazing light in the night sky My four sons grew into men and they became my teachers my hero's My soul My Gifts .

THE WOLF :Number 1

If you run from a wolf, you may run into a bear.

First Son The Wolf Loyalty, Family, and Comradeship

The quality's of the Wolves is love to be with other wolves. They form deep bonds with the other members of their pack and they depend on each other to survive. the Wolves put their family as number one. The first son, the spirit of the wolf he is a reminder to all that the greatest of gifts in life are relationships with those he loves.

The Wolf is has the Transformative Powers of the Universe

In mythical Times the wolves were viewed as transformational beings with powers to restore peace and wellness, The Wolf is one of those higher powers to call into being in a spiritual sense .Wolves play together into old age, they raise their young as a group, they care for injured family members . If they lose a pack mate, there is proof that they suffer and mourn that loss with a deepness To look at the wolves, it is like we are looking at tribes and extended families in absolute balance . My first son was at his happiest when he was with his three brothers ,he the Omega male teaching his younger brothers life skills and survival skills. So My son I thankyou for the spirit of family and love you gave to your younger brothers.

The pain the fights the running from domestic violence ,this young wolf at the age of 10 was whirling a hairdryer around trying to hit his step dad in the head to stop him from beating his mother up at 5 months pregnant with his brother in the womb. We lived in the top of a church when we moved to Bondi beach my son was helping me everyday as I was so sick from the pregnancy he would help cook with his little face so wise at 10. Only with mattresses on the ground it was cold and not a home, he never complained he was just happy to be together .

We found a apartment in Bondi so we started again with no furniture just little bits and pieces given to us by the church. I had all my belongings in the removal truck but just didnt have enough money to get it out so I asked my family if they could loan me the $800 to get my belongings and they refused. So we had to start from nothing and that seemed to be the pattern of our lives loose everything start over loose every thing start over .I suppose its like the Wolf pack roaming not owning a thing just a soul bond the foundation for cooperative living in a family. He was the only child for 10 years but so happy to know he was going to have a little brother.

The First son would see and feel helpless at times seeing his mother go back and forth with the step dad the drunk man the drug abuser the child and woman abuser.

So my first hero you have became a successful business man A brilliant Father and husband a Son and the big Brother. As the first son you have alchemized your pain into work and created a heritage for your progeny.

As Your mother please forgive me for the many times you were more mature less broken than I .As you have grown into man hood you did understand how your grandparents played you and manipulated you. Your religious narcissistic grandmother tried to turn you against me ,you were told so many lies and broken promises. You didn't understand when you were a young one but now as a man you have helped my heart heal to be understood and as I was understood you seen forgiveness towards me as you didn't inner stand why I did not leave the violence sooner, you understood my heart for the first time and you seen it .

Thankyou for being one of my gifts of love.

These are not the kind of wounds that heal other than with a miracle and unity of the four .

Protecting the next generation is the only thing that matters because I would never want your children to experience what we all went through.

THE BEAR :Number 2

What is the Bear"s symbolism of power and strength, courage and protection, patience nobility, playfulness. The God Thor is associated with the bear, and his mother was considered to be the mother of Earth. The great king Arthur is described as the mighty Bear, and as a God and hero of his people.

The ancient people Of Japan the Ainu believed that when the gods visited the world of men, they took on the appearance of Bears.

The Bear is associated with aggression and danger. Yet they are usually only dangerous when provoked, other than that Bears are the archetypal gentle giant. The second son is a large, gentle man as he is likened to a Bear only when not in protection mode for his family, beware if you intend to harm any one under his protection.

The sacred meaning for Arthur as the great leader, the Beowulf, had the strength and courage of ten men and the wisdom to be calm and then attack when he had to protect. In the sacred ancient memories when the Bear man travels into the dark caves and places, we are fearful to enter and retrieves the sun from the Stag, son of the Heavenly deer .

Number 2 son also has many stories to tell of protection and adventure as a young boy and now a man.

The age of five my brave little cub fought like a Bear out on a sheep farm in the middle of no were miles away from any other farm. We came to the farm to visit the father he said he missed the boys and would love to see them again. it was a remote place with two old farm houses ,my sons and I had one room and he had the other we intended to stay for just the week end but we stayed longer. All I can remember how the sunset was to die for. It was a bit of a dump the house cold and no furniture in the lounge room just a mattress on the floor. The boys love the land the farm the sheep the vastness to explore. The ages of the boys then was five ,three and one we left the oldest back in Perth with his father he was 15.

One Saturday night the father decided to have too many drinks cut the telephone wires and started to get verbal and cruel with his words while the young ones were sitting on the floor watching a movie on tv. I tried to squash it by not responding and trying to settle the anger but this didnt work he got louder and angrier ,then he started to grab me and as he was lunging for me he stood on the youngest ones belly as I was breast feeding my little cute boy .He grabbed me and started slapping me around the head

the dog started barking trying to bite him. He kicked her and then The little Cub my second son jumped on his back scratching and punching him in the head grabbing him around the neck he threw him off to the ground and again he comes at him fighting him. By some miracle his friend rocks up and it diffuses so I put the little ones to bed , I tried to tell him he was getting violent but the father made out I was hormonal. even as I look back I couldnt even express myself to his friend and tell him to get us out of there.

My little ones were in bed but not the second son he stayed up with one eye open all night with me we barricaded the door and in the early morning I slept. He knocked on the door in the morning and got the two older boys the 5 year old and the thee year old and drove to the shop which was 20 kms away. I awoke and found them gone ,I didnt know what to do he took my car keys the night before after he cut the telephone wires , this was before the mobile phones so I had no way of getting help. I hurried to to put the telephone wires back together seen it in so many movies .I got the telephone wires back together when the boys arrived home, but they were dropped home by some angel just some random man . I asked were is the your car he didn't answer. I could see number 3 Son looked a little strange like he was going in and out of consciousness I had a good look at his eyes and his pupils were dilated . Was it a spider bite is he poisoned I went into the room were the phone was and rang the ambulance and police. I came back out as he didn't realize I had fixed the wires together and so I proceeded to ask him what happened he refused to tell me so I put it too him That I need the phone connected to ring the ambulance and he refused, so we can see this man would of let his son die he had no regard for any one but himself. This is a Evil creature.

My little cub went into the other room and told me what had happened that morning ,they were coming back from the shop were his dad had brought some more Vodka he was already over the limit when he took the boys [kidnapped ] to the shop ,as he was speeding along the red dirt track he rolled the car into the side ditch and little one number three had hit his head into the windscreen was knocked out for a few minutes. Number 2 son had to get him out of the car and carry him down the dirt road while his father was hiding his vodka in the bushes. Some man was driving by and seen my son carrying his little brother he stopped and gave them a lift home. In two days my Cub my little 5 year old was a hero and this would not be the last time in his life he became the protector.

The LION :Number 3

Lions are fearless;

The Heart of a LION is pure .

Natural leaders; they are courageous yet balanced, and all brilliant powerful and mighty beings. The famous Rudyard Kipling poem If, which begins, “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing their ends with you ’ You will be a Man, my son! This poem embodies the majesty of the lion spirit and is something my son has. My son the Lion spirit can easily overcome stress by bringing himself into alignment with his lion’s energy of strength and pride of self worth. My beautiful lion spirit animal turned up in my life as son number 3.

The lion, when he hunts, takes the life. He does it just to survive. Otherwise, he is a gentle creature who is content with silence with feminine pride. He is the only one of my son who had a girl a addition to his understanding of the feminine. The lion is a born leader, but he also is in complete balance and harmony with nature and the internal power to make positive (or negative) changes in their life and the lives of others around them. The Lion totem people are very loyal and will defend their friends and family’s honor to the death.

My number 3 son he had two close death experiences, he was a true lion with his loyalty and Kindness to his family.

When he became a young man at the ripe old age of 17 he travelled across to South Australia 2500 km's away to save his mum from the man I married and decided to travel around Australia with. I called my son and he jumped on a plane straight away no hesitation in retrospect I feel so guilty for asking him, what sort of mother needs her son to rescue her.

The man I married in my late 40s was someone I believed I loved him deeply so I accepted all his punches kicks threats across the red dirt tracks. He left me out in the middle of the remotest place on the this God given earth in the dark of night he threw me out the car into the blackness. I knew I had no escape until the morning I had to crawl under some bush and just pray the dingo's couldn't sniff me out. There is pain that uses you and there is the pain that you use, all the trespass against my body and mind was what I kept going back to the same pain it was some how it was just what seemed to equate to love . My husband did came back to me after hours left in complete darkness then he dropped me off in Ceduna South Australia , but the problem was he wanted my Hilux Ute and the Caravan which was mine before we were together. My son came on the plane as soon as I rang when I arrived at a hotel ,he took my phone until we arrived in Ceduna and he let me ring my son. He left me in the hotel and I was beside myself until my son came with his girlfriend, I didn't realize the plan was also to get My car and caravan back WITH STRINGS ATTACHED. It all turned into a mission impossible to top off the heart break it hurt so bad . When my 3rd son arrived with his girlfriend we had to find My ex husband , I had a clue he might go to a mutual friend we had in Ceduna and he was there we tried to talk to him to give let myself and My son take my belongings including the dog . My son negotiated with the ex and he refused so a fight ensued and he attacked my son then he rang the police So we were not permitted to go back to the house in Ceduna.

This gave him time to go and find a caravan park to hideout. So we rang the friend and begged him to tell us were he was He didnt 100 percent know but he picked us up and we went on search together. We found him at a caravan park near the sea . I went in and tried to make him understand I had to get my belongings back and we could call it finished if that's his wish, as I was talking to him my son tried to start up the Hilux Ute with the spare keys I had. he smashed the window and dragged my son out the car then they had a bit of a throwing of punches. someone at the caravan park rang the police and the police came . They took my son and him to the lock up some how he talked the police into preventing us from taking the car and caravan back. he was very convincing with the the young police women. So as my son was in the lock up with the ex and as they were their his girlfriend and I drove off to another friends place in Ceduna to keep it safe until we could get my son out of the lockup.

Then the race was on we had to go and get past the border before the Ex alerted the police to say we were stealing my own property back his girlfriend drove and I stayed in the caravan off we went on our journey back to Perth 2500 kms back we made it back in 20 hours driving continuously and not stopping.

We arrived back in Perth my number 3 Son had stuck to his lion’s energy of strength. He not only come up against a 39 year old man he out smarted him he protected his mother and his girlfriend and got back all our belongings the Hilux the Caravan and the dog.

The TIGER :Number 4

Rare white tigers carry a gene that is only present in around 1 in every 10,000 tigers. Along with willpower, courage, and strength, a white tiger spirit represents war, instinct, and clairvoyance.

They’re very conscious about their movements. Never wake a sleeping tiger.”

That’s because you can not compete against his strength. The son born in the tiger year considered to be more self-confident, brave, and powerful.

The Tigers are also believed to be protectors of all children born under the tiger.

Although they make a lot of journeys, most of the time they spend resting.

Number 4 son will not waste his stamina on needless matters.

Tigers are such great predators and hunters in nature the tiger is a sign of a potential threat and a call for courage to face it with fearlessness. Tigers also have strong willpower in them, that is a understatement with the 4th son.

He who loses wealth

loses much;

he who loses a friend

loses more;

but he who loses courage

loses all.

– Cervantes –

My son and I were at the front of our home out in a rural location around three hundred kms from Perth we were just playing ball with the the dog and the granddaughter happily . The sheep shearers bus drives past with one of the only female roustabout's on the bus yells obscenity's out the window. Then she comes back a hour later with around 8 shearers one of them steps onto the front veranda trespassing . My son and I asked to leave politely. My other son was inside the house with his small daughter and his partner at the time and didnt hear anything going on he was out of ear shot . My son the tiger had only just turned 13 at the time the guy that stepped onto our veranda punched my son in the the mouth and jumped on him I threw the vase at him yelling for him to leave my son alone , before I could look around two huge big guys come onto the veranda and held me down with my arms pinned so the female could lay punches and kicks into me . As they are hitting me 3 other men wrestled with my 13 year old son and pinned him down on the ground kicking and punching him. My courageous tiger my son didnt cry or yell for help but I did and my other son did hear us and ran off to the policeman living just behind us to ask for help he refused his excuse was he was off duty and couldn't help. The next thing was he came out with the the baseball bat and threatened the 8 males to leave us alone they stopped beating us but then for some reason they ran off. My son of 13 and I went inside with blood and bruises .

To be Brothers the clan the 4 demands courage. They as the 4 had to make good decisions while balancing inevitable tensions and knowing when to take risks against violence . They needed to keep values in sight regardless of the pressures around them. The other sons were told the news the other sons the next day they came down 300kms to make these mongrel men and child basher stand for their crimes.

There was 8 + 1 female they needed to see who they messed with otherwise we would of had to deal with their threats of ongoing violence. The two other boys came down from Perth and three friends rocked up as well.

I owned a Café in the town this is were we met to eat dinner and do some planning on how we would go about sending a warning to never mess with us again. We had Pizzas salad and garlic bread to finish it off with sticky date pudding with cream the round table of brave young men eating drinking and plans . They went out to the only pubic bar in town were these mongrels would be hanging out like a bunch of abusers, laughing about what they did to a young boy and his mum.

I let The young men do what they needed and all they do and believe it they just asked them to say sorry and ask for forgiveness they cowed down like little babies sucking on the teed. After this stand for the sons they all came to say sorry like weasels . I was most proud of the 4th son as to go though such horror the pure fear he must of felt but never complained or n voiced fear.

While bravery requires us to see the truth of something and act upon it, it doesn’t necessarily mean acting alone is courageous .At the very core of My Tigers lesson at the age of 13 , he seen leadership in the brother hood the wolf the bear the lion the tiger, a practice, a journey toward becoming all the best selfless men inviting others to do the same. The Brave 4, when the winds did howl and the waves raged, they have a choice: my number 4 son at the age of 13 did not curl up in fear he did rise to the challenge.

The four, saved in my love's eternal realms. Thy smiles, that light me, we were nearly lost for ever; so quickly did time go by -except that the source of all living thou gives' to me chose to Love me as your mother. Thy laughter will always accompany me, as long as I live. Thankyou My four Gifts